Hi everyone. I'm new here.

[gayld]

First, thanks for letting me join this forum as I need to find out about Bipolar as much as I can.

I have been with my partner for 2 years and he is the one with BP. We've had a wonderful relationship up until last week when he decided to throw away his meds and then all hell broke lose. On the Saturday night he decided on the spur of the moment to drive to Sydney (I'm in Australia), about a 10 hour drive away.

To cut a long story short, he stayed at his mums' for a cuppa and left again, this was 3 am!! He losth is mobile so there was no way of contacting him. The police found him late Sunday afternoon in Brisbane, way past his own home. Some one rang the police saying there was a naked man running around in the sports park!! In between Sydney and Brisbane he had a a few car accidents but did not stop. He also hid his car and threw away the keys as he honestly believed that someone was chasing him and was going to kill him. The police took him to a hospital there and later that night he was transferred to the Mental Health Unit at the Gold Coast hospital, where he spent time there 7 years ago.

I live about a 45 minute drive away from his place and the hospital and I had been going back and forward for nearly a week. They gave him a weekend leave pass to see how he would manage at home and then checked into the unit at 7am today and they released him permanantly.

He has been under a lot of pressure as he is paying off a semi-trailer and his house but the work situation has slowed down a lot, so no money has been coming in. I have been there for him doing anything I could to make things a bit easier for him.

The past couple of nights he has rung but the talks were very short and just general conversation. Tonight I got the impression he didn't want to talk so I rang back and asked if he had a problem with me. He said he just need some space and to be alone for a while so he can sort things out. Despite the feeling he is pushing me away he always says "Love you" before he hangs up as do I.

The thing I don't understand is that a couple of months before this happened we were looking at places so we could move in together, he was the man I have known for 2 years, loving, generous, compassionate etc. What happened on his little trip is so not like the man I know!!

I spoke to his son tonight and asked if he knew what was going on between his dad and myself. His dad had told him that he was having doubts about us, but was busy and would ring me in the morning!

I'm sorry for the long post but I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience, how you handled it and what the outcome was.

Cheers
Gayl

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Welcome to Psychlinks, Gayle. I commend you for doing what you can to inform yourself about Bipolar Disorder. If this relationship is to continue, forewarned is forearmed.

Living with bipolar is challenging, both for the individual with the illness and for friends and family members of that individual. For the individual with bipolar disorder, insight tends to be poor and, because they typically like the energy and excitement of the "highs" and forget about the "lows", medication compliance also tends to be poor.

See:

• http://forum.psychlinks.ca/bipolar-...sorder-a-guide-for-patients-and-families.html
• Torrey, E. Fuller, & Knable, Michael B. Surviving Manic Depression: A Manual on Bipolar Disorder for Families, Consumers, and Providers. HarperCollins, 2001

I think the best advice I can offer right now is to wait it out. If he is just coming off a hypomanic or manic episode, either because he's "crashed" or because the medication is reducing the hypomania, he probably is feeling rather confused or dysphoric - and possibly embarrassed and self-critical. Give him the time he is requesting to sort himself out.

 

[Andy]

Welcome to Psychlinks Gayld.:2thumbs:

 

[Cat Dancer]

Welcome to Psychlinks.

 

[healthbound]

Hi Gayld,
Welcome to Psychlinks. I also commend you for reaching out and educating yourself about Bipolar. I imagine this is a very challenging time for all of you involved.
I like what DrB said about waiting it out. At least until his moods and perceptions are a bit more steady.
Regardless, he is very lucky to have such an empathetic and proactive partner. I hope you are taking some time for yourself too.

 

[gayld]

More bad news!! He told his daughter this morning that there were family issues in Sydney and that she had to go there with him. He told her that her brother was already in Sydney but she managed to ring him and he was still at home.
His son spoke to him and told him to go home and to ring him once he got home. His son just called into his Dads' place and found him asleep. He is now going to call the acute care team and ask for their advice.

This is so hard to see someone that you love in this situation

 

[healthbound]

Calling the acute care team makes good sense. It sounds like he is still in need of professional care -or at least they can advise of the best thing to do in the situation.

Seems like so much is happening -- I'm glad you are using the forum to talk about what is going on. Do you have any friends or family that you are able to lean on for support as well?

 

[gayld]

Thank you so much everyone. The only one that I have been able to talk to is his son who has lived through this fo rmany years. Myself....I'm still dealing with the death of my 35yo daughter who passed away on 27th May. My other 2 daughters have been supporting me with this as well... my partner was too until this happened with him. Sometimes it gets all too much for me but a good cry does wonders.

 

[pookiesmom]

Hi, Gayl -

This scenario is so much like the bahaviour of my former daughter-in-law. She would take off intending to go to work and end up 3 hours away enjoying the shops and wandering around oblivious until someone asked her if she was lost. She told them she wasn't. That person called the police, they contacted he folks and they got her back home - that was only the first time they realized something was wrong, may years ago. As is typical with BP's , she was on Lithium for years and when I met her, she seemed nice enough though "scattered" in her relationships with us all. Over the next few months, she told us about that trip that stared it all and about other "silly" things she did that scared her parents half to death.

It all came to a head when she felt "so good" she got off the lithium. My son noticed her erratic behaviour and asked her finally to leave. She came at my son, all 6'4" of him with a 2x4, then set the kitchen on fire. She was picked up a few hours later roaming on the should of a major 8-lane highway and taken home to her parents. We have no idea what happened to her after that and for the first year after that we were all walking on pins and needles but now, we're in a better place. I hope she is too.

No meds + no acceptance of that responsibility = no relationship.
They can drag that on for years too.

Good luck, Gayl - there is someone else waiting in the wings but you have to create the void for that to happen.
Right now you're all about him; you loose if you leave it this way. "Nurturing" is one thing which is always reciprocated; "fixing" is another and it doesn't ever work for either partner.

That's my take on it

 

[chaos is me]

Welcome to the forums.

I have also had the experience (many times) of my spouse going off her meds. She gets to the point where she thinks she does not need them anymore and stops taking them all together. It may be okay for awhile but she always has to go back to them.

CIM

 

[healthbound]

I'm very sorry to hear about your daughter gayld. I'm glad you are able to talk with his son and your other daughters (as well as with us, here). You've got a lot going on right now with grieving the loss of your daughter and experiencing your partner in a way you never have before. My thoughts are with you :support: