Hi... I'm new and a little lost....

[David Baxter PhD]

I guess whether your husband decides to take meds or not will depend on how it benefits him. Some people seem to manage without because the condition is not so severe.

If her husband suffers from schizophrenia, it is doubtful in the extreme that he will "manage without".

 

[HBas]

Hey Goldilox,

Welcome

Just so you know I think you have great courage to speak up and get advise - it is never easy when you love someone and want to help them.

I am glad that you are taking care of the kids above all ... That says a lot!

Take care of you!

HB

 

[SueW]

If her husband suffers from schizophrenia, it is doubtful in the extreme that he will "manage without".

Yes I do see your point and acknowledge that to 'manage without' medication may not be the best thing in this case. In fact it could be dangerous to try to manage without. Better to follow doctor's advice I think.

Sue

 

[goldilox]

My husband has a 'don't care less attitude' at the moment. He's not interested in going back for any appointments. He told me he's happy to just plod on like he is..... I'm not sure what to do but feel like giving up myself right now. Everything I suggest he just says 'I don't care, do what you like, I'm not fussed what happens'! It's sooo frustrating to hear. My kids have their fair share of problems and I really don't know how much more I can take if he isn't going to get the help!

 

[SueW]

Hi Goldilox,

You obviously care a lot about your husband and I can sense the exasperation and worry that you are going through.

its sooo frustrating to hear, my kids have their fare share of probs and i really dont know how much more i can take if he isnt going to get the help!

I can also see that you have put such a lot of emotional investment in your relationship with your husband that I am guessing you kind of feel angry with him maybe because you are the one doing the caring but he isn't caring about himself.

I wonder how it might feel for you if you kind of backed-off from your hubby (just a little) and may be focused on yourself and your kids for a little while. I don't necessarily mean absolutely no contact but perhaps longer gaps between visits? I wonder how that sits with you? Heaven knows you must need the break!

I fully realise this may be hard but may, at least, give you some space.

:support:

Hang in there Goldilox

Sue

 

[goldilox]

Thank you. It's very true. I am angry but I cant show it to him without making it worse, and I would love to have time out from it but it makes him worse... He doesn't understand why I'm doing it when I do take a back seat and how I need to. He just sees it as me abandoning him and not caring enough for him and says I'm a useless carer, etc. He told me I'm shallow today. I cant even strike a conversation up with him at the moment. It's got extremly hard.

 

[SueW]

Hi again Goldilox,

It seems to me you feel very judged by your husband and, because you are feeling very vulnerable, everything he says is taken-on by you and this of course causes hurt.

Goldilox, I am very aware that this 'conversation' we are having is very much like a counselling relationship and this feels inappropriate in a 'public' forum like this. This leads me to think that it may be a good idea to perhaps find yourself a decent therapist/counsellor - one who is prepared to listen to you and understand where you are. I notice you are in England. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy lists counsellors in your area (you just type in your town or postcode). There is also the UKCP website. I don't know of any others but maybe other members here may suggest some.

I hope this helps you Goldilox.

Sue

 

[goldilox]

i do not understand wot these forums are for then if we dont talk about how each other feels etc? im sorry like my thread says im a little lost ive obviously got the wrong idea about this site, thank you.....i am currently on a waiting list for councellin from the carers support service.

 

[SueW]

Hi Goldilox,

I was not suggesting for one minute that you should stop using the forum for support etc. I just got the feeling that you may get additional more appropriate face to face support from a counsellor or therapist and that this may be beneficial to you. I too am new but I don't think this forum (as good as it is) can replace counselling /therapy.

Goldilox, my heart goes out to you and I truly hope you find the support you need where ever that may be.

Kindest regards

Sue

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi goldilox i am glad you are applying for councilling for yourself and definitely keep using this site for support. All Sue was saying councilling in person is important because then there is a human connection someone who can truly get to know every aspect of this situation. I hope your husband gets the medial help he needs as without the medication he will not stablize. I say this because i too have family members with this illness and they are so much better on medication. Keep posting and ask for advice anytime mary.

 

[goldilox]

ok thanks...was jus a little confused as to what i acn use the forum for, thanks guys.

 

[SueW]

Hi Goldilox

I would absolutely fully support what Mary has said and yes, I cannot see a reason why you should not keep posting. It seems a good idea to me to get the support you need especially whilst you are waiting for counselling.

NHS wait times are notoriously months long. I wonder of there are some charities near where you live where you can get additional support whilst you are waiting. I know where I live there are quite a few charities where you can get free counselling (whether you are on a low income or not). Might be worth a try.

Let us know how you get on

Warmest wishes

Sue

 

[NicNak]

i do not understand wot these forums are for then if we dont talk about how each other feels etc? im sorry like my thread says im a little lost ive obviously got the wrong idea about this site, thank you.....

Goldilox. We do talk about our feelings here. We are all part of an online community who helps to support one another, when ever possable.

I do not believe you have the wrong idea of this forum. We are all about assisting one another and helping each other to find resourses to assist one another.

Many of us are coping with mental illness ourselves so it helps to have each other who understand.

There are other members who are here as well for support with loved ones who are coping with mental illness, such as yourself.

The forum is well versed, with articals for self help, as well as members who, like you are sharing your stories and reaching out.

Dr Baxter when creating this forum, has made great strides to protect member privacy. So that being said, you are welcome to post and participate as you like. Provided it is within the Forum Rules.

I hope you are ok Goldilox. :support:

i am currently on a waiting list for councellin from the carers support service.

I am glad. I am sure it will be helpful to you. I have often encouraged my mother to talk to the doctor or seek assistance to help her better cope with my illness too.

It is not easy on both sides. It is hard being the loved one of someone coping with mental illness too. I know it is very difficult on my mother.

I am glad you are going to have someone to speak to in person and also glad you are here.

 

[goldilox]

Hi guys, how is everyone? ive had my carers assesment it was very draining but good (well as good as it can be) hopefully things should move a bit quicker now, its amazing how much u go through without realising til its broken down bit by bit on a form... quite overwhelming really. Have a good weekend everyone!

 

[HBas]

Hey Goldilox,

Like you said, draining but good - sometimes we have to drain ourselves of the negative to make space for something more positive! May seem like huge effort at the time but the results are always worth it.

Hope you can take some quiet time to reflect on what an awesome thing you are doing for yourself and your family!

You should have an awesome weekend - You deserve it.

HB

 

[ladylore]

Glad you made it through the assessment and came out in one piece.

Have a great weekend yourself.