How am I back in this place again?

[Sonz]

Where to start? Here is the quick story. I was bulimic for about 6 years in HS and college then started experiencing heart palpitations and that scared me straight. I was fine for years then (the reason I am back here) ever since I got engaged, its started up again. I don’t what the reason is exactly but it started off slow. “Just this onetime” I would say after a big dinner, but lately, its been happening more and more, and I’m totally scared but its so addictive.

I don’t want to be back in that place, but at the same time, dare I say, it sort of feels good.

My fianc? knows about my past problems but he doesn’t know about this. And this is one of the places I came to talk back then.

Sorry, I know Im not asking a question in particular, but I had to say something. Its nice to talk about it with others who know what Im going through.

 

[Andy]

Hi Sonz

Are you using this as a way to lose weight for your wedding? Or the stress of this new chapter in your life? I mean could that be in the back of your head?
Congratulations BTW.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I was fine for years then (the reason I am back here) ever since I got engaged, its started up again.

As STP suggests, it's not unusual for people with bulimia to find the urges returning again at times of stress and/or major change in their lives. I would suggest this is a good time to go back into therapy for some booster sessions to help you get back on track and to help you deal better with future crises like this. It may feel sort of good now but you already know where this road leads...

 

[Sonz]

Its weird because I can honestly say its not because of the “dress.”But thank you =) I am beyond excited! Im not sure what it is. But I definitely know where its leading and I don’t want to go back there.

And in the past, it sort of didn’t phase me afterwards, but Ive been feeling super guilty about it before and after, it feela a little different than in the past.

And not surprising, I have some OCD issues as well which are all wacked because living with my fianc?, as much as I love him, isn’t easy, dare I say he’s a slob =)

Ive been trying back off of him and not be so demanding, I wonder if this is the substitute for a perfectly clean house? I don’t know but this just plain sucks! Ugh. I hate this feeling.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

I know it's hard to hear but under stress people with a history of an eating disorder often go back to what they know to calm them down.. One of my doctors got mad at me once for using the terms relapse as if the disorder has left you and has come back all of the sudden, in his opinion the disorder (just like alcoholism) remains in you and its simply a matter of having other tools to use instead of it. You are going through a stressfull time and it is a very good idea to look into getting some professional help to help you deal with the stress because lets face it planning a wedding is not easy and being the bride in that wedding is very demanding.. you just have to find a middle ground to deal and a professional will help you try and get that balance.