eva
MVP
There's an individual in my social life whom has caused a lot of stress for myself and a number of others in our pool of mutual friends, and after reading some things on this forum, I worry that she may be an undiagnosed NPD. But I can't be sure.
I met her because we both do costumery as a hobby. We like to attend conventions and trade shows and the like because it's a way to display our work and network with other artists. Except, for the past year or so she's been in considerable financial trouble because she didn't know when to cool it, and ended up travelling over the border quite often to attend shows and events. It was very much beyond what she could afford but she just kept on doing it and still keeps it up despite having debt and having a VERY inequal split in paying rent and bills with her roommate (he only puts with it to avoid eviction, from what I understand). It seems like she's afraid of missing out and because she otherwise isn't confident in social situations, she frequently self-promotes and makes herself and her work out to be a grandiose affair for either a comparatively small or just plain imaginary audience. She's complained about friends taking advantage of her and abandoning and replacing her before, but she has done the same thing to people just as often. I even called her out on it on one occasion and after apologizing to me, she continued with her intentions to drop and replace me for plans we had on a project, even publicly bragging about it later in a subtle way by talking about how great and well-suited my replacement person was when they got a lot of positive feedback. On another occasion, she did not give any credit to the original crafters of garments she had purchased from others and worn, and excused herself by saying that she was "really busy and forgot" . And putting it lightly, she's a slacktivist. Her tumblr is chock full of reblogged material about feminism and critical race theory, but she never, ever puts her money - or her real life time - behind her beliefs. At one point this summer even going to a convention because she was part of the Breast Cancer Fundraiser that raised money by asking for donations to take photos with the models - which as the daughter of a survivor, I found deeply offensive to begin with because it drew attention away from actual people with cancer and onto people who already have attention in spades, nevermind the fact that she didn't put a cent into her own cause. She's so fixated on inventing this fantasy of stardom for herself that she only really seems to make time for people who make her look important. Despite numerous awards and features and interviews with various websites, she goes into depressive fits and complains at length that she's "overlooked" and feels unworthy whenever one of our peers gets more recognition. I've tried my best to stay supportive, but her behaviour has hurt her own livelihood, me, and several others. Although, she has also told me before that she either has or has had Depression - is it possible to be NPD and Depressed at the same time? Forgive my ignorance.
I know I just had a really long ranting thread about my social life recently, but this individual has caused a lot of stress and hurt for many people. I want to understand what can be done because I want the pattern of behaviour and the unfairness and the hurt to stop. I don't know if I feel ready to forgive entirely yet, NPD or not, but if nothing else I can obtain knowledge and peace of mind.
How can I tell if NPD could be a reality for her if she can't access mental health professionals at this time? Should we sit down with a group of peers and explain the tangible hurt she is responsible for causing? I'm really at a loss.
I met her because we both do costumery as a hobby. We like to attend conventions and trade shows and the like because it's a way to display our work and network with other artists. Except, for the past year or so she's been in considerable financial trouble because she didn't know when to cool it, and ended up travelling over the border quite often to attend shows and events. It was very much beyond what she could afford but she just kept on doing it and still keeps it up despite having debt and having a VERY inequal split in paying rent and bills with her roommate (he only puts with it to avoid eviction, from what I understand). It seems like she's afraid of missing out and because she otherwise isn't confident in social situations, she frequently self-promotes and makes herself and her work out to be a grandiose affair for either a comparatively small or just plain imaginary audience. She's complained about friends taking advantage of her and abandoning and replacing her before, but she has done the same thing to people just as often. I even called her out on it on one occasion and after apologizing to me, she continued with her intentions to drop and replace me for plans we had on a project, even publicly bragging about it later in a subtle way by talking about how great and well-suited my replacement person was when they got a lot of positive feedback. On another occasion, she did not give any credit to the original crafters of garments she had purchased from others and worn, and excused herself by saying that she was "really busy and forgot" . And putting it lightly, she's a slacktivist. Her tumblr is chock full of reblogged material about feminism and critical race theory, but she never, ever puts her money - or her real life time - behind her beliefs. At one point this summer even going to a convention because she was part of the Breast Cancer Fundraiser that raised money by asking for donations to take photos with the models - which as the daughter of a survivor, I found deeply offensive to begin with because it drew attention away from actual people with cancer and onto people who already have attention in spades, nevermind the fact that she didn't put a cent into her own cause. She's so fixated on inventing this fantasy of stardom for herself that she only really seems to make time for people who make her look important. Despite numerous awards and features and interviews with various websites, she goes into depressive fits and complains at length that she's "overlooked" and feels unworthy whenever one of our peers gets more recognition. I've tried my best to stay supportive, but her behaviour has hurt her own livelihood, me, and several others. Although, she has also told me before that she either has or has had Depression - is it possible to be NPD and Depressed at the same time? Forgive my ignorance.
I know I just had a really long ranting thread about my social life recently, but this individual has caused a lot of stress and hurt for many people. I want to understand what can be done because I want the pattern of behaviour and the unfairness and the hurt to stop. I don't know if I feel ready to forgive entirely yet, NPD or not, but if nothing else I can obtain knowledge and peace of mind.
How can I tell if NPD could be a reality for her if she can't access mental health professionals at this time? Should we sit down with a group of peers and explain the tangible hurt she is responsible for causing? I'm really at a loss.
