How to improve contact with others?

[Into The Light]

i'm struggling a bit with friendship. i have some friends but despite that still often feel alone. i would like to make more friends but i find it hard to find people that i click with. also i have a tendency to rather be by myself than spend time with people. it's kind of conflicting because i do feel so much better when i spend time with people. it's kind of an inner battle. usually the wanting to be alone wins. i need to be with people to thrive but i avoid it.

there just seems to be an emptiness in my life. i very often feel alone. i want to fix this but don't know how to go about it. trust is another issue. i have a very hard time opening up to people. i would really like to be able to do so but i always am on guard. does anyone have any suggestions?

 

[braveheart]

Re: how to improve contact with others?

I don't have any suggestions, though I can very definitely relate. I am similar in lots of ways.
I keep meaning to enrole for a creative writing course, or start dance classes again, or go to an art class. But I haven't yet gathered the self-esteem and sense of security to trust myself and my stability in such situations.

What interests do you have? That might be a place to start...

 

[Into The Light]

Re: how to improve contact with others?

i've always wanted to try an art class too. i finally found one that fit in my schedule and i was so excited about it. then it got cancelled because there weren't enough people signed up for it. i was so disappointed. i started yoga in the new year hoping to meet people, but it's proving to be more difficult than i thought. i just feel different from everyone. it doesn't help that i keep to myself! i'm always quiet around people until i become comfortable with them. i don't let people know who i really am. i keep them at a safe distance.

i think the problem is that most of me doesn't want to connect. and yet i do. it's hard.

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: how to improve contact with others?

Meetup.com is helpful for a good number people of worldwide, especially those who live in large cities. The appeal, at least in theory, is that the groups are about specific interests, where most everyone in the group is trying to meet other friends. Personally, meetup.com is currently worthless to me since I currently live in a small town where there aren't any existing meetup groups.

 

[Daniel E.]

i think the problem is that most of me doesn't want to connect. and yet i do. it's hard.

Ditto, though I do quite well if someone else starts the conversation. Starting the conversation has always been the critical point for me. (The best conversation opener I heard in a while was: "So, what's your story, chief?") Also, certain venues can make socializing much easier, at least for me. At a potluck dinner by a local astronomy club, for example, I would feel quite motivated to socialize since being a wallflower would only attract more attention.

 

[sister-ray]

i would like to make more friends but i find it hard to find people that i click with. also i have a tendency to rather be by myself than spend time with people. it's kind of conflicting because i do feel so much better when i spend time with people. it's kind of an inner battle. usually the wanting to be alone wins. i need to be with people to thrive but i avoid it.

Ladybug I wish I had some answers but I dont, its something Im struggling with and have done for a while now, I find making friends stressful and also social situations too, I go through emotional extremes of desperately wanting to be with people to desperately wanting to be alone i feel I dont fit in anywhere, I can really relate to your post, i wish there was some answers:hug:

 

[Sparrow]

Cautious perseverence, albeit babysteps with a lump of intestinal fortitude. As cynical as that may seem, it's a LOT better than brooding and stewing in isolation. I try to FORCE myself to be in social situations that at least I have an INTEREST in. IT IS HARD TO DO THOUGH.
Lighten up! With the whole world in PTSD, remember to keep a good sense of humour (Robin Williams/Patch Adams comes to mind
JoJo

 

[Into The Light]

i totally love that, "So, what's your story, chief?". not that i'd have the courage to use an opening line like that myself..

i took a look at meetup.com but as expected there wasn't much there.

tte - it's tricky isn't it, the conflicting needs that we have.

i find that the friends that i do have i have known for years now. it takes time to get to know people and to connect. i do want to connect.

jojo, as for lightening up, you are totally right i think i take life far too seriously. so much to change about myself, so much resistance too!