How to Overcome the Negativity of Others
By JOE WILNER, Adventures in Positive Psychology
What do you do when you’re around someone who can’t seem to notice or say anything positive? It can be tough to not let their mood and outlook have an effect.
So, who tends to breed negativity in your life? Is it your boss, coworker, family, or friends? Maybe you’re the one who tends to view things pessimistically at times.
Either way, no one will always have a wonderful day free of frustrations. We are simply going to experience negativity at times; but despite this we do have a choice in how we let negativity effect us. When we experience a negative person it’s important to not them bring us down.
If you’re having a difficult time with a negative person, here are a few ideas to consider.
1) Learn to respond instead of react. This means recognizing when we are encountering negativity so we can prepare mentally and decide how we want to respond. We may want to ignore the comments and not let them get to us, however depending on the situation we may have to interact with the person.
Have you ever been in a work meeting where someone shoots down every good idea and can only see the negative side of things? In these cases we may have to deal with the negativity to prevent it from spreading to others.
Make sure to stop and think. Don’t let the negativity begin to rub off on you. This person is free to have their opinion and as you will see, there are effective ways to work past the negative energy.
2) Focus on the facts instead of emotions. It can be natural to get upset when someone else pointing out all the flaws and mistakes around them. Mind your ego and don’t take it personally. Stay calm and don’t escalate the situation. This means avoid insults, accusations, name calling, and blaming the other person, such as, “You’re always so negative and rude!”
Don’t let the negativity get to you and overtake your attitude. You have the responsibility to not let the situation get out of hand.
3) Once you are ready to respond, an effective way to deal with negativity is to listen attentively and validate how the person feels. It may be tough, but the last thing they want to hear is, “Come on, it’s such a beautiful day, get over the new acquisition.”
Put yourself in other person shoes by being empathic and caring for what the other person is going through. A negative person is often viewing things in a pessimistic manner, so it’s tough for them to see the positive. They also may be having a rough day full of hassles.
Help them regain a sense of control and begin to help them see that not everything is going to turn out horribly. Keep focused on the positive and point out some of the benefits they may be overlooking.
4) Convert negative energy into something productive by helping them to resolve the problem or find a compromise. When someone has a negative attitude they probably aren’t able to think as clearly and be as creative in finding a solution.
Negative thinkers often view things in black and white, concrete terms. They only see one option and feel helpless to do anything about it. Help them find solutions they may not notice.
Negativity can be difficult to deal with, particularly when it’s chronic and directed toward us. However, we don’t have to let the negativity of others bring us down if we are prepared and open to deal with it effectively.
It what situation do you usually experience negative people? How do you deal with it?
Related article:
Beware of Garbage Trucks
---------- Post added at 03:42 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:17 PM ----------
Don't Take Your Inner Brat to Work
by Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
...Who hasn’t had to work with someone who is unpleasant, uncooperative and who stirs up trouble? Such people not only bring their inner brats to work with them; they allow them to take over. It’s even worse when the inner brat belongs to your boss.
The main problem with other people’s inner brats is that they trigger your own inner brat. Thus, when Mary fails to relay an important phone message to you because she’s angry at you, this
gets your own inner brat screaming inside your head, “How dare she do that! She’s not going to get away with this!” Then your inner brat spends precious time brooding or plotting revenge.
Here are some things you can do when confronted with other people’s inner brats:
* Ask yourself who “owns” the problem. Did you do something wrong, or is the other person overreacting? If it’s the latter, don’t feel that you have to fix things. Just minimize your interactions with the person, and don’t complain or gossip to someone else.
* If your boss is overreacting, say something to acknowledge her feelings, such as, “I can see why you’re upset.” But don’t try to explain or defend yourself at this point. Wait till your boss has calmed down.
* When a coworker’s uncooperativeness affects your ability to do your job, ask yourself if this is the first time. If so, offer to help him expedite his end of the job. If the person is habitually uncooperative, it’s time to start documenting your efforts, and later bring it to the attention of a superior if things don’t improve. But do so in an objective way, documenting only facts, not your opinions or feelings.
* Keep in mind that other people’s bad moods, sarcastic comments and uncooperative behavior can capture your attention to the point that it drains you of energy. Wouldn’t you rather save your energy for something more productive?
* Finally, remember that it’s easier to spot an inner brat in someone else than in yourself. Are you sure it’s the other guy’s inner brat that’s upsetting you -- or is it your own?
By JOE WILNER, Adventures in Positive Psychology
What do you do when you’re around someone who can’t seem to notice or say anything positive? It can be tough to not let their mood and outlook have an effect.
So, who tends to breed negativity in your life? Is it your boss, coworker, family, or friends? Maybe you’re the one who tends to view things pessimistically at times.
Either way, no one will always have a wonderful day free of frustrations. We are simply going to experience negativity at times; but despite this we do have a choice in how we let negativity effect us. When we experience a negative person it’s important to not them bring us down.
If you’re having a difficult time with a negative person, here are a few ideas to consider.
1) Learn to respond instead of react. This means recognizing when we are encountering negativity so we can prepare mentally and decide how we want to respond. We may want to ignore the comments and not let them get to us, however depending on the situation we may have to interact with the person.
Have you ever been in a work meeting where someone shoots down every good idea and can only see the negative side of things? In these cases we may have to deal with the negativity to prevent it from spreading to others.
Make sure to stop and think. Don’t let the negativity begin to rub off on you. This person is free to have their opinion and as you will see, there are effective ways to work past the negative energy.
2) Focus on the facts instead of emotions. It can be natural to get upset when someone else pointing out all the flaws and mistakes around them. Mind your ego and don’t take it personally. Stay calm and don’t escalate the situation. This means avoid insults, accusations, name calling, and blaming the other person, such as, “You’re always so negative and rude!”
Don’t let the negativity get to you and overtake your attitude. You have the responsibility to not let the situation get out of hand.
3) Once you are ready to respond, an effective way to deal with negativity is to listen attentively and validate how the person feels. It may be tough, but the last thing they want to hear is, “Come on, it’s such a beautiful day, get over the new acquisition.”
Put yourself in other person shoes by being empathic and caring for what the other person is going through. A negative person is often viewing things in a pessimistic manner, so it’s tough for them to see the positive. They also may be having a rough day full of hassles.
Help them regain a sense of control and begin to help them see that not everything is going to turn out horribly. Keep focused on the positive and point out some of the benefits they may be overlooking.
4) Convert negative energy into something productive by helping them to resolve the problem or find a compromise. When someone has a negative attitude they probably aren’t able to think as clearly and be as creative in finding a solution.
Negative thinkers often view things in black and white, concrete terms. They only see one option and feel helpless to do anything about it. Help them find solutions they may not notice.
Negativity can be difficult to deal with, particularly when it’s chronic and directed toward us. However, we don’t have to let the negativity of others bring us down if we are prepared and open to deal with it effectively.
It what situation do you usually experience negative people? How do you deal with it?
Related article:
Beware of Garbage Trucks
---------- Post added at 03:42 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:17 PM ----------
Don't Take Your Inner Brat to Work
by Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
...Who hasn’t had to work with someone who is unpleasant, uncooperative and who stirs up trouble? Such people not only bring their inner brats to work with them; they allow them to take over. It’s even worse when the inner brat belongs to your boss.
The main problem with other people’s inner brats is that they trigger your own inner brat. Thus, when Mary fails to relay an important phone message to you because she’s angry at you, this
gets your own inner brat screaming inside your head, “How dare she do that! She’s not going to get away with this!” Then your inner brat spends precious time brooding or plotting revenge.
Here are some things you can do when confronted with other people’s inner brats:
* Ask yourself who “owns” the problem. Did you do something wrong, or is the other person overreacting? If it’s the latter, don’t feel that you have to fix things. Just minimize your interactions with the person, and don’t complain or gossip to someone else.
* If your boss is overreacting, say something to acknowledge her feelings, such as, “I can see why you’re upset.” But don’t try to explain or defend yourself at this point. Wait till your boss has calmed down.
* When a coworker’s uncooperativeness affects your ability to do your job, ask yourself if this is the first time. If so, offer to help him expedite his end of the job. If the person is habitually uncooperative, it’s time to start documenting your efforts, and later bring it to the attention of a superior if things don’t improve. But do so in an objective way, documenting only facts, not your opinions or feelings.
* Keep in mind that other people’s bad moods, sarcastic comments and uncooperative behavior can capture your attention to the point that it drains you of energy. Wouldn’t you rather save your energy for something more productive?
* Finally, remember that it’s easier to spot an inner brat in someone else than in yourself. Are you sure it’s the other guy’s inner brat that’s upsetting you -- or is it your own?
