SilentNinja
Member
Heylow,
I just joined here today, i was on another forum for schizotypal but i didnt feel safe and some members starting making fun of me because of my hair style. This looks a good place though so i thought id give it another go before i gave up. Here's my intro thingy
I have seen 3 different psychs and each one had said they cant understand me.. and need more time to work out ( that was after 6 months ) what i have and treatment etc, It really annoys me, I left my last psych 3 months ago now, i hated how she just sat there staring at me like i was some weirdo... and she didnt know how to deal with me because i only gave one word answers and i couldnt explain how i was feeling. She had mentioned Schizotypal, and before i left i was keeping a mood diary as my moods change alot! I thought i had maybe Social anxiety but i dont get anxious at all, im mostly paraniod. I thought i was maybe an indigo child at one point, not sure.
Some other stuff about me is that I cant swear... If i do i will die, So sometimes if i get really angry i have all this frustration inside me and i really want to swear to let it all out but i cant, which makes me want to cry, I do martial arts... but that doesnt help me, ive been in Martial Arts 18 years now, and i still cant speak to my coach... or ppl in the class, I hide, and if someone stares at me i want to cry or else i build up anger inside and feel like i want to scream, but i dont... you wouldnt even know i was angry or upset, i dont show how i feel. BUt sometimes i have to leave and sit in the corner away from people. At work i work outside and avoid people jusr incase they say Hello. Im very paranoid, i go outside and everyone stares at me and laughs n talks,
I have Bright Pink and Blue hair... my psych said maybe thats what they look at, but i always wear a hat. I have to express myself someway, i am told i am very eccentric. I also dont relate to Girls, i hate shopping, gossip, dresses, makeup, but i also dont relate to guys. I feel different. SOmetimes i think humans are a different species and i am different, News and things that go on in the world dont intrest me, Adverts annoy me... goverment trying to brainwash us ( but thats a whole different story )
I dont hear or see things but i really belive in things like the Shadow Universe, and Ufos, Shadow people.. etc. And i believe i can feel the emotions of others at times, i cant explain but like its not me, like i am watching myself from somewhere else.
I have very few friends, and i dont want a relationship, not because im scared, but i just have never had feelings for anyone and the thought of someone kissing or touching me makes me cringe. I can talk to people online ok, but in real life i wont go anywhere myself, I am never anxious or nervous though. Sometimes it feels like i am just looking down on the earth and can see things other people dont.
My moods go up and down all the time, and sometimes its like there is two people in me, ( i dont talk to myself, hear or see things ) but they condrict each other alot.
My hobbies are Playing Drums And Guitar, Downhill Mountain Biking, Drawing/Art/Graphics/Editing, Photography, Astronomy, Martial Arts, Ps3, im facinated with space and Antartica!
Wow that was long! I know people hate long intros but i had to get it all out, there is much more but i wont go into everything just now, I hope to meet people and dicuss things...
Thanks,
~ L ( 25 F )
I just joined here today, i was on another forum for schizotypal but i didnt feel safe and some members starting making fun of me because of my hair style. This looks a good place though so i thought id give it another go before i gave up. Here's my intro thingy
I have seen 3 different psychs and each one had said they cant understand me.. and need more time to work out ( that was after 6 months ) what i have and treatment etc, It really annoys me, I left my last psych 3 months ago now, i hated how she just sat there staring at me like i was some weirdo... and she didnt know how to deal with me because i only gave one word answers and i couldnt explain how i was feeling. She had mentioned Schizotypal, and before i left i was keeping a mood diary as my moods change alot! I thought i had maybe Social anxiety but i dont get anxious at all, im mostly paraniod. I thought i was maybe an indigo child at one point, not sure.
Some other stuff about me is that I cant swear... If i do i will die, So sometimes if i get really angry i have all this frustration inside me and i really want to swear to let it all out but i cant, which makes me want to cry, I do martial arts... but that doesnt help me, ive been in Martial Arts 18 years now, and i still cant speak to my coach... or ppl in the class, I hide, and if someone stares at me i want to cry or else i build up anger inside and feel like i want to scream, but i dont... you wouldnt even know i was angry or upset, i dont show how i feel. BUt sometimes i have to leave and sit in the corner away from people. At work i work outside and avoid people jusr incase they say Hello. Im very paranoid, i go outside and everyone stares at me and laughs n talks,
I have Bright Pink and Blue hair... my psych said maybe thats what they look at, but i always wear a hat. I have to express myself someway, i am told i am very eccentric. I also dont relate to Girls, i hate shopping, gossip, dresses, makeup, but i also dont relate to guys. I feel different. SOmetimes i think humans are a different species and i am different, News and things that go on in the world dont intrest me, Adverts annoy me... goverment trying to brainwash us ( but thats a whole different story )
I dont hear or see things but i really belive in things like the Shadow Universe, and Ufos, Shadow people.. etc. And i believe i can feel the emotions of others at times, i cant explain but like its not me, like i am watching myself from somewhere else.
I have very few friends, and i dont want a relationship, not because im scared, but i just have never had feelings for anyone and the thought of someone kissing or touching me makes me cringe. I can talk to people online ok, but in real life i wont go anywhere myself, I am never anxious or nervous though. Sometimes it feels like i am just looking down on the earth and can see things other people dont.
My moods go up and down all the time, and sometimes its like there is two people in me, ( i dont talk to myself, hear or see things ) but they condrict each other alot.
My hobbies are Playing Drums And Guitar, Downhill Mountain Biking, Drawing/Art/Graphics/Editing, Photography, Astronomy, Martial Arts, Ps3, im facinated with space and Antartica!
Wow that was long! I know people hate long intros but i had to get it all out, there is much more but i wont go into everything just now, I hope to meet people and dicuss things...
Thanks,
~ L ( 25 F )
