I am so tired of the depression

[Banned]

I am tired of it crushing me. I seriously don't know how much more I can take. I'm tired of crying, feeling hopeless, wanting to give up but not being able to give up because it is so ingrained in me that this won't last forever but how do we know that? My track record isn't so great and it isn't getting any better.

I just want someone to say it's okay to give up. I am so tired of fighting.

 

[MHealthJo]

I'm so sorry Turtle.... hugs.....

This may be the wrong thing to suggest; you know yourself and whether an idea may not be good for you. But is there a chance that you have been fighting hard over long periods of time, and need a bit of a break sometimes from that hard fighting.... need a bit of a 'wallow' instead? Like a real 'It's really okay to deeply wallow' wallow.....

I have had times where I've had to really grieve deeply, throw my hands in the air and feel really sorry for myself, do things like read stories of people who have gone through a similar thing.... and do it not in an 'Okay let's make it better!!' frame of mind, but an 'ohhhhhh I need to hold myself and sit with this pain for a while' frame of mind.

Depending on the style and length of wallowing, it may still be able to be done at the same time as other normal things in life carry on - or sometimes a time-out or reduction of some things is helpful......

Just some thoughts....

And of course chat more if you want to.... sometimes when chatting or unashamedly moaning, a key presents itself oddly....

Thinking of you Turtle.....xx

 

[Retired]

No, it's not OK to give up, because the illness of depression is treatable, but usually takes time and patience to explore all the treatment options to find the one that works for you.

Set your expectations to be reasonable for this illness, which is to ultimately have more good days than bad days.

Many who have lived with depression experience and even expect to relapse from time to time, but knowing the relapse is probably temporary and that good days will follow makes it a bit easier to endure the difficult days.

Fighting the symptoms is counter productive, while coasting with the symptoms until there is a bit of relief might be easier to get through this difficult times.

 

[Banned]

My doctor doesn't think I have depression, my psychiatrist doesn't think I have a mood disorder. My psychologist is the only one on my side and I can't get on for a couple weeks. I've been wavering on what to do about therapy lately and this just reinforces that I need to be there by I really feel like there is no help left for me.

 

[forgetmenot]

No hun like said not ok to give up although i understand that feeling I hope you start to have more good days hun just take one day one hour one minute at a time hun ok and get through it hugs

 

[Banned]

I'm at work and it's taking every drop of energy I have not to run from the building bawling my eyes out.

I just don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be anywhere.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

At the risk of sounding repetitive, you really need to be using the tools you've learned to challenge and reframe your thinking. What are you doing to try to help yourself combat all this negative catastrophic thinking?

 

[Cat Dancer]

I'm sorry you're struggling. I hope you can feel better soon.

 

[Banned]

At the risk of sounding repetitive, you really need to be using the tools you've learned to challenge and reframe your thinking. What are you doing to try to help yourself combat all this negative catastrophic thinking?

You told me to percolate so I'm percolating. I suppose I'm not doing that right though. I freaking give up.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I used the term "percolate" regarding your attempts to figure out why you were feeling the way you're feeling. But in terms of the hopeless, pessimistic, catastrophic thoughts/self-talk you are expressing here today you need to go back to doing some cognitive challenging and reframing.

As Steve posted above:

Set your expectations to be reasonable for this illness, which is to ultimately have more good days than bad days.

Many who have lived with depression experience and even expect to relapse from time to time, but knowing the relapse is probably temporary and that good days will follow makes it a bit easier to endure the difficult days.

 

[forgetmenot]

When i get like that at work hun i just go to nearest bathroom let dam tears fall hun then wash up and get back to work again. You need a way to release your sadness inside so it does not build up Turtle

I hope you see your psychologist soon so that you can unload some emotions some sadness in a safe place hugs

 

[Banned]

They aren't catastrophic. They are realistic. .

---------- Post Merged at 03:44 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 03:42 PM ----------

Forgetmenot as I get home from work I will be bawling my eyes out. It's been so hard keeping it in all day. It hurts too much.

 

[forgetmenot]

I know hun dam it hurts i cry on the way to work and on the way home I am glad hun you can cry ok let the pain out Keeping that mask on all day is so hard i do understand hun hugs

my psychologist says i am catastrophying too when i know i am not i know what is going to happen
oh hun I wish there was a way to release all the pain and sadness so you do not have to suffer anymore Therapist hun i hope you see soon it help to talk to a real person hun in rl at least i find t hat hugs

 

[Banned]

I've been crying off and on for two and a half hours. I don't know what else to do. I just want to ditch my meds, ditch therapy, ditch life. Its not supposed to be like this. I'm exhausted and just don't have it in me to do what I "should" be doing but it doesn't matter because nothing is going to work anyway. I just cannot be helped anymore.

 

[GDPR]

You're just in a funk right now Turtle. This is gonna pass. I'm sure it doesn't seem like it will,but it will.

 

[forgetmenot]

You know hun that is depression talking now ok that is just dam depression saying things that is not true
i know it is hard to battle to fight when you do not have the strength. Now is time then hun to talk to your doctor to perhaps get medication changed a bit but you need to talk to someone hun Do let the depressive thoughts take over. I know it is hard ok i know but hun reach out for the support that is there for you don't fight it alone hugs

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I've been crying off and on for two and a half hours. I don't know what else to do. I just want to ditch my meds, ditch therapy, ditch life. Its not supposed to be like this. I'm exhausted and just don't have it in me to do what I "should" be doing but it doesn't matter because nothing is going to work anyway. I just cannot be helped anymore.

You're just in a funk right now Turtle. This is gonna pass. I'm sure it doesn't seem like it will,but it will.

You know hun that is depression talking now ok that is just dam depression saying things that is not true
i know it is hard to battle to fight when you do not have the strength. Now is time then hun to talk to your doctor to perhaps get medication changed a bit but you need to talk to someone hun Do let the depressive thoughts take over. I know it is hard ok i know but hun reach out for the support that is there for you don't fight it alone hugs

LIT and forgetmenot are right. Now step back, dig in your heels, and use the tools you've been practising for times like this now, when you really need them.

 

[Banned]

I guess I'm just not explaining myself very well.

i don't care about anything. Nothing matters. I wish I was dead.

All the tools in the world can't help that.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

You are explaining your thoughts just fine.

The problem is that you're not recognizing those thoughts for what they are.

 

[forgetmenot]

they are just THOUGHTS OK YOU do not need to act on them

You rest

you talk to someone hun

you take a day off work

you look after you ok.

You can do this Turtle you can hugs

small steps just small ones

i know you don't want to I know you say you don't care hell i know hun but the thoughts the emotions will pass ok

you have to step back like Dr Baxter said and just breath ok breath and do what it takes to get you the rest you need to be able to start functioning again