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adaptive1

MVP, Forum Supporter
MVP
I'm so sorry you are in pain like this. I can relate to how frustrating it all is, I felt like that on the weekend but you guys reminded me to be patient and that things will get better and I'm trying to do that...I hope you can too. It helped me to pull out the acceptance and committment therapy stuff,for some reason that helps more than anything else for me. The idea that I'm not my feelings, not my thoughts, that we are more than that, it comforts me so much. I hope it could do the same for you.
 

Pilgrim

Member
Beating depression requires patience, perseverance and avoiding self punishment. If you're not on meds and connected with a knowledgeable health professional, do that. NOW. ......I MEAN IT!!!

If you are in treatment and you feel it is not helping, push your health professional to do more; more reading/research, more back and forth with you, different meds etc. If you don't have a doc who is doing those things, keep looking to find one who will.

The reality is that there is no one who is more interested and invested in your depression than you are. Therefore, it is up to you to do what you can to achieve better health. During times when your depression decreases or even lifts, promise yourself you will remind yourself at darker times that you can and will experience times of little or even no depression, until you can be totally free from it.

You likely got into the hole gradually over time. Therefore isn't it logical that the way out and back to health is also going to be gradual? But don't forget, if your depression resulted from social/life circumstances more so than inherent brain chemistry, you must deal with those factors to prevent relapse.

Sorry, but even though I have been through this, I am led to support only constructive attempts in dealing with depression. Anything else just reinforces its destructive nature. You deserve so much better than this crappy existence.

If you are making constructive efforts to get better, assume it will take time; possibly much time. Sometimes all you are able to do is wait out the worst times. Then be gentle with yourself, which includes refusing to give into failure.

And remember that relapse is a part of process of healing in many of our health challenges. Expect to encounter it, to challenge it, and beat it.

Best wishes.
 

Banned

Banned
Member
I am so confused. I decided to go off my meds in the hopes it would give me the final push to just end everything. But I'm sad and confused and lost and don't know what to do. I just want a way out of this miry mess. Any way. The fastest, easiest way. I don't care what it is.
 
Then get back on your meds Turtle now ok and you get to hospital or your doctors and get the support to get you stable again You know hun depression is treatable you know that so please hun reach out for support h ugs
 

MHealthJo

MVP, Forum Supporter
MVP
Please act now to be sure you are safe and stably sticking with meds Turtle.

Destructive or hopeless thoughts are NOT clarity. DO NOT listen to them or follow them.

I apologise if any ambiguity came with my previous post too. I guess a slow pace or break or resting in grief was what I was thinking.... but certainly was thinking of it being done with an 'ultimately' constructive nature.

What can we do or talk about to support you, or hear what needs to be heard right now, Turtle?

xx
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
I am so confused. I decided to go off my meds in the hopes it would give me the final push to just end everything. But I'm sad and confused and lost and don't know what to do.

Still believe you are thinking rationally? That your self-talk is not distorted but realistic?

I just want a way out of this miry mess. Any way. The fastest, easiest way. I don't care what it is.

There is no quick fix. The fastest way through the black tunnel of depression is to keep moving forward using appropriate medications and therapy that we (and you in your more rational moments) know will eventually improve your mood and outlook.

Are you that hell-bent on self-sabotage?
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
Then perhaps it would be a good idea to follow the suggestions of others rather than listening to your own inner voices at this time.

And from your forum signature:
"We do not heal the past by dwelling there; we heal the past by living fully in the present." - Marianne Williamson

~ If you can't see anything beautiful about yourself, get a better mirror. ~ Shane Koyczan, To This Day Project
 

Banned

Banned
Member
I really just want to get to therapy. This is going to be the longest two weeks of my life. I can't even see two weeks out from now. But I don't even know if I want to go. I don't know if I should go. I feel like I screwed that up too.
 

MHealthJo

MVP, Forum Supporter
MVP
Can you see him or speak to him any sooner, Turtle?

I also urge you to not listen to thoughts of having screwed something up.

They are not true.
 

Banned

Banned
Member
No. I started a new job this week and can't get there any sooner. He's not near by so its not a matter of driving down the street.

i managed to force some medication down my throat.
 

Pilgrim

Member
I'm not aware of your circumstances. It was cognitive-behavioural therapy that helped me to stop repeating patterns that set me up for and then maintained my depression. ie, I repeatedly found myself in relationships and work environments which were toxic for me. These were situations in which I was not valued or respected. They were neither supportive or validating, and eventually chipped away so much of my self esteem etc that I crashed and burned. By learning to break those patterns, and by staying on meds that seemed to help have contributed to my ongoing improvement. (I also got off meds that were not helping) I finally found a doc who would listen to me, and who was thorough enough to find meds that have been helpful over time. Also, I found that I had to forgive the conduct of some of the worst offenders in my life before I could get a big chunk of weight off my back. I didn't realize how much stress and ill health I was maintaining by holding on to that rage and resentment.

I struggled through long periods of that grinding existential pain that depression can put us through.

I hope you find at least some of this and the offerings by other caring members here to be of some help to you.

Please don't use a permanent solution to deal with a temporary problem.

You will thank yourself later.

Be well.
 

Banned

Banned
Member
My clients are all emailing and texting wanting appointments for their dogs and its so hard - I don't want to book them in because I just don't have it in me to do anything. The best I'm offering them is two weeks out. I'm hoping I might feel better by then. I don't know what else to do. I just can't do quality work right now and its not fair to do subpar work when they know what I'm capable of.
 

adaptive1

MVP, Forum Supporter
MVP
Maybe the thing to do is the opposite of what you feel like doing, that's what I am trying to do. That way when the animals get there you will do a good job because that's what you love and what you are good at and it will cheer you up.
 

Banned

Banned
Member
It's partly a timing thing. I used to work part time but started a full time job on Monday and given how I feel I don't want to overload my schedule. If I was feeling good I'd have no qualms about completely overbooking myself but just working an eight hour day right now is almost more than I can handle. The depression is exhausting. I can't overbook myself yet.
 

MHealthJo

MVP, Forum Supporter
MVP
I think being gentle with yourself and keeping that cleared rest time is important right now.... just an instinct...
 

adaptive1

MVP, Forum Supporter
MVP
Yes if you are working full time that's more than enough you are right. Maybe just trying some rest and relaxation is just what you need.
 

Pilgrim

Member
Do you ever sound like me and so many others!

Good thing you're not hard on yourself; that would be way worse. (hopefully a little humour, there)

My experience with trying to work while dealing with depression was that I slowly ground to a halt (I am/was a mental health professional) and I gradually lost my practice. I, not smart about it, just put my head down, and kept putting one foot in front of the other. I am lucky enough to have alternate skill sets, (so what if I have ADD) so in the thick of depression, I did what I could do with my other skill sets; the easiest were those that were natural gifts. (I have been a teacher, an electronics guy, computer guy, and a very good musician. Music probably saved me.)

Want to hear something ironically funny? I have a great knack for choosing professions that either dead end, or pay inversely proportional to how much I like them.

Seems like you're in a helping type of work; then give to yourself too, emotionally and intellectually, at least as much as you give others. If you've had other skills that have come easily, I hope you'll use those too.

If you have to back off from taking work from your clients, I think you'd be OK giving a general health rationale. I confirmed what I intuitively felt was true; almost nobody will be OK with your depression, so it's generally best to keep that private.

So, you may benefit from finding a good depression support group. Ideally led by an experienced professional.

Take care.

Yes. Take care of yourself, at least as well as you do for others. A nice meal once in a while, your favourite type of movie, music, art etc etc.

Time off just for you. ie, for you to regenerate. Maybe well away from your usual environment.

If you're an introvert, it may be challenging to get around people/social situations that feed you. if you're an extrovert, you really need to be there even more.

Look at how many folks here are wishing you well.
 
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