HotthenCold
Member
Hi there,
this is kind of an impulsive post, and I'm not really sure what I want to say, or what kind of answer I'm hoping for, but I feel a desire to get this out a little since it's banging around in my skull so much today.
I don't enjoy being around people very much, but I get terribly lonely. It's like I'm screwed no matter what. I spend a LOT of time alone, and often feel a sense of panic about the fact that I might be missing out on so much of what life has to offer. However, I've tried for many years to be more social, and it's never gotten any easier. In fact, the constant difficulty and pain I've experienced while being more social has caused me to recoil from it even more.
So I get really lonely, and have a deep longing to be like the "normals" who have parties to go to, friends to laugh with and cry with and get help moving from, but it's just so damn difficult and painful, and I should also add that socializing ALWAYS means I get a heavy dose of the comparison blues i.e- "I wish I was like that person, I'm not x-y-z enough"
I went out today to a street festival, and saw some people, and was in a big crowd, and wanted to hide in my hole after about 5 minutes so I wouldn't feel like people were watching me or like I had to say something.
Today hurt really bad.
this is kind of an impulsive post, and I'm not really sure what I want to say, or what kind of answer I'm hoping for, but I feel a desire to get this out a little since it's banging around in my skull so much today.
I don't enjoy being around people very much, but I get terribly lonely. It's like I'm screwed no matter what. I spend a LOT of time alone, and often feel a sense of panic about the fact that I might be missing out on so much of what life has to offer. However, I've tried for many years to be more social, and it's never gotten any easier. In fact, the constant difficulty and pain I've experienced while being more social has caused me to recoil from it even more.
So I get really lonely, and have a deep longing to be like the "normals" who have parties to go to, friends to laugh with and cry with and get help moving from, but it's just so damn difficult and painful, and I should also add that socializing ALWAYS means I get a heavy dose of the comparison blues i.e- "I wish I was like that person, I'm not x-y-z enough"
I went out today to a street festival, and saw some people, and was in a big crowd, and wanted to hide in my hole after about 5 minutes so I wouldn't feel like people were watching me or like I had to say something.
Today hurt really bad.