I don't know what to do

[Sethor]

I keep feeling like suicide is my best option for my life. When I look at my life, I don't see anything of any value. I'm a burden on everyone who knows me. Nothing in my life is how I want it to be, and I have no one who I can open up to, and no one who would understand me, even if they did listen. I'm the person everyone overlooks. I couldn't even buy a date if I won the lottery. No one needs me in their life, and any time I feel really good towards someone, they hurt me.

On Memorial Day Weekend last year I promised someone I would wait an entire year before I killed myself, just to see what happened in that time. During that year, the person I made the promise to stopped talking to me, I broke my arm 9without having insurance), I got robbed at work, and I've had 2 break ups with people I was dating and had feelings for.

I just don't see any reason to go on. I don't want to go to a psychiatrist who's just going to throw pills at me and give my money to some pharmaceutical company. I don't believe you can pay someone to care. I just know I'm very sad most of the time, no one cares, and the only reasons I have for living are an insane guinea pig and a lot of what ifs. I'm having trouble still believing that anything will get better. I know about everything that might happen to improve my life, but unless that starts soon, I'm going to be tired of waiting for a maybe.

 

[Daniel E.]

I don't want to go to a psychiatrist who's just going to throw pills at me and give my money to some pharmaceutical company.

What about also seeing a therapist, exercising more, etc.?

No one needs me in their life, and any time I feel really good towards someone, they hurt me.

This is a very common feeling and may cause you to socialize less. So you may have to socialize more or simply become more positive about yourself. (Personally, I felt better about my social situation after seeing the movie Miss Congenialty 2. In that movie, no one is dating happily for the most part. At least three characters in that movie are overcoming a recent breakup, and at least one character doesn't have any friends.)