I don't know what to do

[foghlaim]

since i came out off hospital, everything feels alien to me,
had apt today with psych who saw me at the hospital and i left kinda bewildered. I asked about psychotherapy as my previous psych had said he would do this with me, but this guy more or less discounted it, saying i was too fragile at this time. told him my mind was in a merrygoround again and that i felt urges again to hurt myself, "don't think about what is going on in your head", "your kids wouldn't want you to hurt yourself so don't". then filled out script and said come back in two weeks.
how am i Not supposed to think about what is in my head?? anyone know? tis doing my head in again. right now this min all i wantto do is something drastic, if only to release the tension and frustration i feel.

sorry this is kinda long, needed to let it out before i explode!!
thanks for the space

nsa

 

[Halo]

Re: don't know what to do

Hi NSA,

I can relate all too well about having so much going on in your head that you think that it is going to explode and all you want to do is to escape or get away from it. About a week ago I was in the same position as you where I was escaping a lot to forget what I was thinking and feeling and to tell you the truth, I am actually feel better now that I am not escaping as much. Even though all the feelings and thoughts came back when I was not escaping, they are not half as bad as what I felt like after I had escaped. That was hard and it ended up to be a vicious cycle.

Is there anyone that you can call and have them come and spend time with you so that you are not alone. Try to think of things that you can do to take your mind off of harming yourself etc. Like I suggested to Janet, what about taking a bath, reading, watching a movie (for me comedies are always good to lift the mood - even for a brief moment), take a long walk. What about writing down exactly what you are feeling and thinking, painting, exercise.

Of course I am no expert on these things as I normally am just self-destructive but I have been given these options of things to do by a lot of people and some of them I have actually tried.

I wish you all the best and I hope that you feel better real soon. If you want to talk (especially to someone who understands completely), I am here for you anytime.

Take Care
Nancy

 

[foghlaim]

Re: don't know what to do

thank u so much nancy.. i might just take u up on that one of these days. right now ihave gone way over time online so i have to go..

thank u for your reply.
nsa

 

[foghlaim]

Re: don't know what to do

I was wondering about ringing my previous psych, the guy i originally started with, i feel he knows me better than these other guys(psychs) and i like him, meaning the way he works with me. not sure whether to do this tho, can't stand the idea of being without someone to talk to for 2 weeks and then it prob be just a case of refilling the script again. at least the previous guy saw me once a week for 2hrs and he did say he would do the psychotherapy with me.

any advice on what i could do here please!!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Re: don't know what to do

At this point, having just been released from hospital, I would say that more frequent appointments would probably be better and if you can get back to see the original therapist, do so. He can request any records he needs from the hospital and even consult with them directly if need be.

The major exception to that advice would be if you don't feel your previous therapist was sufficiently knowledgeable or wasn't helping you enough. Better to see someone who helps you once every 2 weeks than someone who doesn;t every week.

 

[foghlaim]

Re: don't know what to do

The major exception to that advice would be if you don't feel your previous therapist was sufficiently knowledgeable or wasn't helping you enough.

he was helping me, and he and his boss are the only two ppl i was told are qualified to help me because of the conversion ihad. the idea being to prevent it from happening again, by attending for cbt and psychotherapy.
i think you are right dave, i will ring him on monday, see what he says.

thanks for the response.
nsa

 

[Halo]

Re: don't know what to do

Hi NSA,

I agree with Dr. B. about contacting your old therapist if he was helpful to you. I know what it can be like to have to go for weeks before seeing a therapist and it being really difficult. If this person was good for you and you were able to be open and honest with him then I really think that it is worth the phone call.

Again I am here for you if you need to talk and let us know how it goes on Monday if you indeed decide to make that call.

Take Care

 

[comfortzone]

Hi NSA,

I also agree David.

Psychotherapy is so important for all of us. Being able to speak our minds, and to share our thoughts with someone who won't judge what we say. To listen, to explore, to shed light on our thoughts. I have several clients who have conversion disorder and what goes on in their heads is important to me. What they are thinking, feeling and believing is crucial to their treatment. They have learned to stuff, swallow, or ignore their feelings for some reason (most likely it was unsafe to express feelings) and so now is the time to learn to express your feelings. Being heard is an empowering experience. Best wishes to you and please keep us posted. Take care,

 

[Holly]

Dear notsureanymore,
I agree with Dr. Baxter and comfortzone,
It is so important to speak our minds, and therapy is one way for that to happen. I just want to wish you all the best, during this journey. It may have it's up and down times, but in the end it will be worth it. Best wishes to you, I will be thinking of you!
Glad you are able to use the forum.

 

[foghlaim]

thankyou all of you, i will be making the call, Tues now as it's a bank holiday over here, ( iforgot about it) anyway. Comfortzone, you are so right when you said we have learned to stuff, swallow and largely ignore our feelings.. i have had years of practice and now that a lot of them have come back to bite me, i don't want to swallow them again, for lots of reasons... i'm afraid of the consequences.
Nancy: i thank you for your continued support and will let ye know how the phone call goes. and thank you Holly for your best wishes.

nsa.

 

[JA]

Hi NSA,

Just wanted to add that I agree with everybody else here... I'm glad you're thinking about calling your previous psych. And maybe it's just because I'm new at being a therapist, but I guess I have trouble understanding how you could be "too fragile for therapy" or how you could simply "not think about what is going on in your head"... (in my experience, the more you try to avoid thinking about something, the more you end up thinking about it anyway)... Like I said, I'm new at therapy, so I don't know...

I hope it all works out and I wish you the best of luck in getting the help you need! Keep us posted.

Sending you happy thoughts

 

[foghlaim]

thanks JA,

(in my experience, the more you try to avoid thinking about something, the more you end up thinking about it anyway)...

you are so right on this, been trying to keep myself occupied but it's harder than i thought to do this, i have no real interest in anything, just acting the part for the min.

made the phone call, as it turns out I got to speak to original psych but he will be away for a week or so, but i do have apt with him when he returns, so i'm happy about that. and he did mention lithuim levels need to be checked , and to keep apt with the other guys as well. so still one me own so to speak for another week at least. (except for here of course, i know i'm not on me own)

anyway will keep ye updated when eventually i get to the apt\s.

thanks again
nsa

 

[foghlaim]

well kept the apt today with the other guys,, turns out i say a lady doc, met her before at the hospital, she was way nicer than the other guy 2wks ago.. she asked a few questions, which i didn't expect and i answered her honestly. she started to say that she would like me to come in every week for support ect, but i told her i wanted to see my own psych.. so she said ok no prob.. come back in 2wks and let us know how u got on and we'll take it from there, if all is ok.. we can space the apt here out to once a month. i was glad with her response.. and then she wrote script. oh i asked about the lithium level checks, apparently done once every 3mths, and i can't go back driving yet, asked her that too.
she did say that i look way better than when she saw me last in the hospital.
so hopefully all will work out on tues next.......
will let ye know how that goes too.

thanks everyone.... for the encouragement and support on this.

nsa

 

[ThatLady]

You're just full of good news today, nsa. I find myself sitting here grinning like an idiot! Things are going pretty well for you right now, and you're really stepping up to the job of getting better. Awesome job! 👏

 

[foghlaim]

thank you TL: your reply made me smile.

 

[Halo]

NSA...glad to hear that things went well for you yesterday and it was not with the guys that you didn't like. I am proud of you for sticking to your guns and making it to the appt.

GOOD JOB !!!

Nancy