i'm trying to figure out what my problem is. i've been getting really upset over small things. for instance, today when i got home from school, my parents kept bugging me about getting a job. after awhile i started getting mad at them and got pretty emotional. and when i get mad at anything it's an abnormal type of anger. i get to the point where i'll start punching or banging on something repeatedly and sometimes (although seldom) i'll hurt/cut myself. what usually triggers me to get so mad or frustrated is when i fail at something, when my best friend does better than me, or when people insult me or treat me like an idiot. sounds kind of common to get mad at stuff like that, but i take it too seriously. i get depressed and feel like avoiding all people and things. i sometimes think of suicide but never attempted it and really don't plan to, but i'm assuming thinking about it practically everyday can't be healthy.
so in the past year or so, i've really become distant. i do have friends and occasionally go to social events and what not. but recently, since school has started, i've really been secluding myself. i'll come home after school and stay home for the rest of the night. i hardly do anything with people over the weekends. and people just generally upset me. i'm not mean to anyone or anything. i actually try really hard to avoid conflict. probably because i'm trying to avoid getting angry.
i need to get a job really bad, but i just don't want to be around people so i won't apply anywhere. at my last job, when i would do things incorrectly and/or if one of my co-workers would say something rude to me i would take it too seriously and get depressed and just hate myself.
i always think i'm just being weak about all of this. if it's all just in my head, then why won't i just change it? although i've tried to change many times before i always seem to slide back into it. i can't talk to my parents about it because i always bring multiple problems to them and i'm almost sure they're sick of it by now. plus the response i get is never good. i just don't know what to do and i don't have many options either.
so in the past year or so, i've really become distant. i do have friends and occasionally go to social events and what not. but recently, since school has started, i've really been secluding myself. i'll come home after school and stay home for the rest of the night. i hardly do anything with people over the weekends. and people just generally upset me. i'm not mean to anyone or anything. i actually try really hard to avoid conflict. probably because i'm trying to avoid getting angry.
i need to get a job really bad, but i just don't want to be around people so i won't apply anywhere. at my last job, when i would do things incorrectly and/or if one of my co-workers would say something rude to me i would take it too seriously and get depressed and just hate myself.
i always think i'm just being weak about all of this. if it's all just in my head, then why won't i just change it? although i've tried to change many times before i always seem to slide back into it. i can't talk to my parents about it because i always bring multiple problems to them and i'm almost sure they're sick of it by now. plus the response i get is never good. i just don't know what to do and i don't have many options either.