I don't know what's wrong

[antiform]

i'm trying to figure out what my problem is. i've been getting really upset over small things. for instance, today when i got home from school, my parents kept bugging me about getting a job. after awhile i started getting mad at them and got pretty emotional. and when i get mad at anything it's an abnormal type of anger. i get to the point where i'll start punching or banging on something repeatedly and sometimes (although seldom) i'll hurt/cut myself. what usually triggers me to get so mad or frustrated is when i fail at something, when my best friend does better than me, or when people insult me or treat me like an idiot. sounds kind of common to get mad at stuff like that, but i take it too seriously. i get depressed and feel like avoiding all people and things. i sometimes think of suicide but never attempted it and really don't plan to, but i'm assuming thinking about it practically everyday can't be healthy.

so in the past year or so, i've really become distant. i do have friends and occasionally go to social events and what not. but recently, since school has started, i've really been secluding myself. i'll come home after school and stay home for the rest of the night. i hardly do anything with people over the weekends. and people just generally upset me. i'm not mean to anyone or anything. i actually try really hard to avoid conflict. probably because i'm trying to avoid getting angry.

i need to get a job really bad, but i just don't want to be around people so i won't apply anywhere. at my last job, when i would do things incorrectly and/or if one of my co-workers would say something rude to me i would take it too seriously and get depressed and just hate myself.

i always think i'm just being weak about all of this. if it's all just in my head, then why won't i just change it? although i've tried to change many times before i always seem to slide back into it. i can't talk to my parents about it because i always bring multiple problems to them and i'm almost sure they're sick of it by now. plus the response i get is never good. i just don't know what to do and i don't have many options either.

 

[antiform]

i'm trying to figure out what my problem is. i've been getting really upset over small things. for instance, today when i got home from school, my parents kept bugging me about getting a job. after awhile i started getting mad at them and got pretty emotional. and when i get mad at anything it's an abnormal type of anger. i get to the point where i'll start punching or banging on something repeatedly and sometimes (although seldom) i'll hurt/cut myself. what usually triggers me to get so mad or frustrated is when i fail at something, when my best friend does better than me, or when people insult me or treat me like an idiot. sounds kind of common to get mad at stuff like that, but i take it too seriously. i get depressed and feel like avoiding all people and things. i sometimes think of suicide but never attempted it and really don't plan to, but i'm assuming thinking about it practically everyday can't be healthy.

so in the past year or so, i've really become distant. i do have friends and occasionally go to social events and what not. but recently, since school has started, i've really been secluding myself. i'll come home after school and stay home for the rest of the night. i hardly do anything with people over the weekends. and people just generally upset me. i'm not mean to anyone or anything. i actually try really hard to avoid conflict. probably because i'm trying to avoid getting angry.

i need to get a job really bad, but i just don't want to be around people so i won't apply anywhere. at my last job, when i would do things incorrectly and/or if one of my co-workers would say something rude to me i would take it too seriously and get depressed and just hate myself.

i always think i'm just being weak about all of this. if it's all just in my head, then why won't i just change it? although i've tried to change many times before i always seem to slide back into it. i can't talk to my parents about it because i always bring multiple problems to them and i'm almost sure they're sick of it by now. plus the response i get is never good. i just don't know what to do and i don't have many options either.

 

[madinstinct]

one thing that struck me about your post is that you tend to affirm yourself throught he judgements of others. This is a recipe for disaster. Ask yourself, is all the good in my life come when another person praised me or comforted me, or when I felt comforted while with another person? If this is true, then it's time to take a step back and take a look at where you think your life is going. The answer is probably going to be "where everyone else wants it to go."
There is really no magical answer for your problem, except for you to begin taking other's criticisms as just that, criticisms, and stop allowing them to pierce right on through to the center of your being. Some would say, as would I, that you have low self-esteem, and need others to make you feel good. If you're not willing to seek therapy, find a self-help book for low-self-esteem. Discover some things about what motivates you.
The most important thing a person in your position can do realize where you end, and the people around you begin. Stop tying yourself, chaining yourself to the words and feelings of others, and learn who you are.

 

[madinstinct]

one thing that struck me about your post is that you tend to affirm yourself throught he judgements of others. This is a recipe for disaster. Ask yourself, is all the good in my life come when another person praised me or comforted me, or when I felt comforted while with another person? If this is true, then it's time to take a step back and take a look at where you think your life is going. The answer is probably going to be "where everyone else wants it to go."
There is really no magical answer for your problem, except for you to begin taking other's criticisms as just that, criticisms, and stop allowing them to pierce right on through to the center of your being. Some would say, as would I, that you have low self-esteem, and need others to make you feel good. If you're not willing to seek therapy, find a self-help book for low-self-esteem. Discover some things about what motivates you.
The most important thing a person in your position can do realize where you end, and the people around you begin. Stop tying yourself, chaining yourself to the words and feelings of others, and learn who you are.

 

[RJ]

Re: don't know what's wrong

i need to get a job really bad, but i just don't want to be around people so i won't apply anywhere. at my last job, when i would do things incorrectly and/or if one of my co-workers would say something rude to me i would take it too seriously and get depressed and just hate myself.

I can so totally identify with that since I just took a 2 month break from my work too coz I ended up breaking down and the last few shifts and being really depressed like there was lead in my insides. I have also withdrawn from a social life and haven't been out in weeks. I honestly don't know why either, but I think its coz of the negativity.

Try and think of who you are and your strengths and if you can't go out at the moment, talk to someone close to you honestly about your problems coz it might make you feel better. Often I find it releasing to sit in a corner and search in the inner recesses of me to find out what's troubling me, but don't pressure yourself. Take your time, and I do hope you feel better.

Another thing that struck me was "I really need to get a job"...are you sure its something you want or something your parents want? Make it your want and desperately need and yearn for it.

You are special, valued and you have lots and lots going for you. Think of all your abilities, and not your disabilities. I know its hard and easier said than done, but ull pull thru it. Trust in yourself.

 

[JA]

Re: don't know what's wrong

probably because i'm trying to avoid getting angry.

One thing that has really helped me was trying to accept the emotions I was going through. It's not that easy, but once I started to take a non-judgmental stance towards my emotions, I found they were much less intense. For instance, if someone criticises me at work, I try to tell myself that I have every right to feel angry and hurt by the criticism, that this feeling is normal and ok. (And you do. You may not have a right to hit them, but you sure do have a right to feel angry) Just telling myself this usually made me feel much less angry and hurt. It takes practice, but I think it can be worth trying if you feel that you don't accept feeling angry at others.

I also learned to tolerate unpleasant feelings a bit better, and this has really helped, although I'm still working on getting better at it. Before, when I had an unpleasant feeling such as sadness or anger, I felt that I immediately had to do something about it. I tried to fix it quickly, even if it meant telling off the person to get the anger out of my chest. Now, when I feel angry, I try to tell myself "hum, I'm feeling angry. This person has hurt me and that's why I'm angry. " I then analyse how it feels to be angry at that moment, physically and otherwise, and I try to accept that I have to feel angry sometimes. When I deal with it that way, it usually doesn't seem THAT bad to be angry... I can tolerate it and deal with the situation in a more relaxed, rational way, later on.

I guess I'm just writing this because your post reminded me of how I used to act and feel (and, I admit it, how I still sometimes act and feel). I don't know if these things apply to you or not. Even if they do, they probably won't solve everything and I agree with previous posts on the importance of self-esteem, therapy, etc. I hope you can find a way to make your situation better.

Good luck

 

[RBM]

You sound a bit like me when I was in school. I had a rough time in school and was to scared to say things at school, but I would bottle it up and blow up at home. I punched holes in the walls, I broke a dresser I broke my closet door. I used to talk about suicide too, but it was more because I was so frustrated and unhappy with my situation, I didn't actually want to die.

Sometimes you need to have conflict, it's just part of life. If someone is taking advantage of you or putting you down it's normal to stand up for yourself. Maybe you check to see if your school has counselor that you could talk to.