I just don't feel anorexic

[Ashley-Kate]

i don't know what is wrong with me but ever since i got the diagnosis of anorexia nervosa and bulimia . i feel that it is just a word when professionals ask me what the hospital told me i had i just say anorexia as if it is nothing just a word .. i know it is characterized by many of the things i am living with right now .. the fear of gaining weight or not losing any .. the obsession the restrictions but to me this lifestyle is basically me i can't be anorexic - anorexics are thin ! i am not i am huge.. yet why do the Dr. get upset when i lose weight they are all like "you are getting really close to your limit! how can i bee i am huge.. are they blind i am not for sure cause if i were if i really wasn't seeing what is really in front of me than then i would really be anorexic and i just don't want them to be right!
i don't know am i crazy is it possible they just made a mistake?
yours truly Ashley

 

[Halo]

Re: i just don't feel anorexic

Ashley-Kate,

I think that is the distorted perception that you have that you are huge and what you are seeing and what the doctors are seeing are two completely different things. You are seeing yourself as huge when in reality you are not as your doctors keep telling you. That is part of the illness.

You have distorted views because of the illness and the doctors are not the ones that are blind, they have not made a mistake, they are seeing what is in front of them however you cannot.

Are you still planning on entering the program at Sheena's Place this summer, Ashley-Kate?

Take care
:hug:

 

[Ashley-Kate]

Re: i just don't feel anorexic

i still plan on entering the programme but at the same time i am uncertain sure it could help but at th same time am i really ready for that kind of help i am sick of it must i admit but i am not sure i am ready to have to fully agnolidge that this is a disease and that it is not part of me that fact scares me to death because if this is not me than what am I?
yours trully ashley

 

[Halo]

Re: i just don't feel anorexic

I think it is quite normal to have the uncertainty that you do because this is all you have known for quite sometime. I do think that it will be a good thing that you do for yourself and although it is scary it will be a learning experience to find out who the real Ashley-Kate is. This ed is not only who you are it is a part of you but does not define you. I think the other great qualities of you will come shining through if you can obtain help for ed.

Take care
:hug:

 

[Into The Light]

ashley-kate, these feelings are quite normal i think, to be afraid of who you are without your illness. when i was very depressed i was afraid of being well, i just didn't know who i'd be and i think others have had similar feelings. the change is scary because being well has become unknown territory for you. but you know, the change isn't sudden from one day to the next. it's a slow process and you take small steps, one at a time. even though we are suffering and we want to be well right away, such a sudden change would be a lot to handle. so maybe it's a good thing it's a gradual process, going from being ill to becoming well. one day you'll realize you're feeling pretty good, and it won't be scary at all. it will just feel good. i've been there.

there is more to you than your eating disorder, it's just that your eating disorder right now is ruling your life and overshadowing anything else that you are as well. you can slowly discover yourself as you work your way back to health.