Hi.. I'm kinda new to all this so please excuse my hesitancy. I'm nervous about writing this into a forum.
Over my life, I've faced alot of issues. Many of them dealing with lacking in self-confidence, being bugged at school about having a learning disorder, Every guy I've dated dumping me for odd reasons, family being broken apart, and even the way that I look at life is somewhat questioned in my head. Let me explain what I mean by that....
My parents divorced when I was 7 months old. My dad lives in Vancouver with a lady that he's been with for 13 years and he still flirts with other women on and offline, while my mom has been my primary parent all my life. She's AWESOME... my role model. Although, I watch her suffer with medical conditions that I wish to god I could take away and let her be ok but I can't so it hurts both her and me. Majority of my family is down on the coast while I live in the interior, so alot of the time I feel alone, except for around my mom.
School was always hard for me. I was diagnosed with ADD in grade 9, so I was a medical guinea pig most of my school years. I was constantly bugged and bullied.. My school even wanted to drop me out so my mom and I had to fight tooth and nail to keep me in until grad. I tried going to college but even the courses I had to take in upgrading, I even failed so part of me questions to even go back. I want to.. man, do I ever but I just don't know how.
Relationship-wise, well that's a different subject all-together. I've been though so much and I just wonder how I have the strength to keep going. I've been abused every way possible by men in my life, physcially in one relationship especially and it took me 3 years to finally get away.. But then 3 months to snap me out of depression and solitude and into the real world again.. But lately, I just question how anyone could ever feel romantically for me anymore.... I just was broken up with yet again, but Allen* and I are going to try and remain friends and maybe grow from there.
Also, I will admit, lately for the past few months, I have had thoughts of running away or suicide.. time and time again, Allen* has to pin me down on the bed to stop me from running or overdosing.. But the thoughts keep coming.
As you can see, I really have a problem with self-confidence. Yeah I know, Alot of people tell me to RELAX but I never can, and I have a real hard time trying to get through day by day. I never know where to get the strength. I ask my friends, my family, and even Allen*, but even when they try and give me advice, it still feels like the answer isn't there.
So I send this problem out to you.... hoping maybe you have the answers I'm looking for.. What should I do? I don't know where to even start looking for confidence and strength anymore.
** Boyfriend's name changed by request.
Over my life, I've faced alot of issues. Many of them dealing with lacking in self-confidence, being bugged at school about having a learning disorder, Every guy I've dated dumping me for odd reasons, family being broken apart, and even the way that I look at life is somewhat questioned in my head. Let me explain what I mean by that....
My parents divorced when I was 7 months old. My dad lives in Vancouver with a lady that he's been with for 13 years and he still flirts with other women on and offline, while my mom has been my primary parent all my life. She's AWESOME... my role model. Although, I watch her suffer with medical conditions that I wish to god I could take away and let her be ok but I can't so it hurts both her and me. Majority of my family is down on the coast while I live in the interior, so alot of the time I feel alone, except for around my mom.
School was always hard for me. I was diagnosed with ADD in grade 9, so I was a medical guinea pig most of my school years. I was constantly bugged and bullied.. My school even wanted to drop me out so my mom and I had to fight tooth and nail to keep me in until grad. I tried going to college but even the courses I had to take in upgrading, I even failed so part of me questions to even go back. I want to.. man, do I ever but I just don't know how.
Relationship-wise, well that's a different subject all-together. I've been though so much and I just wonder how I have the strength to keep going. I've been abused every way possible by men in my life, physcially in one relationship especially and it took me 3 years to finally get away.. But then 3 months to snap me out of depression and solitude and into the real world again.. But lately, I just question how anyone could ever feel romantically for me anymore.... I just was broken up with yet again, but Allen* and I are going to try and remain friends and maybe grow from there.
Also, I will admit, lately for the past few months, I have had thoughts of running away or suicide.. time and time again, Allen* has to pin me down on the bed to stop me from running or overdosing.. But the thoughts keep coming.
As you can see, I really have a problem with self-confidence. Yeah I know, Alot of people tell me to RELAX but I never can, and I have a real hard time trying to get through day by day. I never know where to get the strength. I ask my friends, my family, and even Allen*, but even when they try and give me advice, it still feels like the answer isn't there.
So I send this problem out to you.... hoping maybe you have the answers I'm looking for.. What should I do? I don't know where to even start looking for confidence and strength anymore.
** Boyfriend's name changed by request.
