I said no

[Banned]

I will be the first to admit i hate conflict and saying no. I want everyone to like me. I suck at boundaries and balance.

Lately I have been a bit miserable because I feel like my boss at the grooming shop I work at thinks she owns me. I work a lot of hours but feel like it is never enough and my work is never good enough. If I'm not at work she questions why. I worked a ten hour day last Saturday and when I told her I was leaving she said "why? What do you have to do tonight?"

So that's some background. Besides grooming I also help with office work, teach training classes, and help with intake and release in the kennel. And I have another job I work 30-40 hours a week at.

Tonight I was supposed to teach, but it is raining so I cancelled class. She texted me and asked if since I wasn't teaching for that hour could I go in and go on and help with intake and release. I wanted to cry because I didn't want to but I can't say no.

But I said no. What I actually said was "I'd love to come in and help but I've only been back at the Jet or two days and I'm exhausted. I need to rest. Sorry."

But now I feel like crap, and am worried she is hating me for saying no. But I'd feel even worse if I'd gone in.

 

[Retired]

But I'd feel even worse if I'd gone in.

Right, so you took control over your life and made a choice in your own best interests.

Your boss should be able to accept your need to occasionally be unavailable, and if she cannot, then she needs to re-orient her thinking. It's not your problem.

Everyone has the right to say "No" when a request is beyond what they can reasonably provide.

No one has ever been hear to say, on their deathbed, "I should have spent more time at the office."

 

[OtterB]

Congratulations Turtle. Saying no can be tough but I'm glad you did it. When you say no and set boundaries, sure, some people may get pissed off, but more likely most will learn that you have your own life and needs. If people don't respect your boundaries then it's probably best that they fade out of your life, or at least kept at a distance.

 

[rdw]

You have every right to say no. Saying no and taking control of your life takes practice practice practice! Good for you for taking that step. And remember it is none of her business what you have to do with your time - that is entirely your business. Let that guilt flow away.

 

[Banned]

I know it was the right thing to do. I can't be all things to all people (however flattering that may be - ha!). I need some "me" time and I told her already that as I return to working both jobs I'll be trying to balance my personal life a bit better and therefore may not be willing to work as many hours. On a purely selfish level, I am paid commission so when I'm sitting at home, I'm frequently thinking about the money I *could* be making if I were at work. Realistically though, I can't work 18 hours a day seven days a week. I just can't. She keeps saying she wants me full time and I've told her very clearly that I'm not leaving the Jet. It just isn't even an option. I do agree they are her issues - unfortunately I tend to personalize them because I feel like I need to try to save the world.

 

[MWCT]

Turtle,

I am very proud of you for saying no! If you continue to say yes all the time, other people will tend to use your good nature to take advantage. Whereas I'm sure your boss is not working 10 hours a day - neither should you (unless you choose to). Sometimes you need "you" time or just down time....or you will burn out. By saying no once in a while, your boss will respect you more. I believe he/she is making you feel guilty in order to manipulate you into doing what they want. You are absolutely right - there is no way you can work 18 hours a day - no matter the pay.

Don't feel bad saying no - you should feel empowered that you did the right thing...for you!

 

[Banned]

I did it again :teehee:. I got my new work schedule at my one job and my days off are Monday and Tuesday. Those are also the days she doesn't have a groomer so she got all excited until I told her I'm not grooming those days because then I'm working seven days a week and I plan on being out of town for most of them. I absolutely have to start looking after myself better.