• Quote of the Day
    "Healing might not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you,
    all of the expectations, all of the beliefs, and changing into who you are."
    Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D. , posted by Daniel

Christina

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Apr 17, 2007
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I have recently left my husband . du eto the fact that yes! I cheated on him. it was a mistake I regret it all, I cnat take it back so I have to deal with the consequences, but geesh why does he have to throw it in my face every freakin tiime we talk, asking mw peraonal questions about it? Im not answering that he doesn tneed to know that stuff it will only hurt him more, I dont wan tthis to be nasty but geesh, It is making me bonkers, he writes me nasty emails and I am having to fight for money with him becasue I used to work with him I now have no home and no income, please some one tell me how to deal with this in the right way, I think im losin gmy freakinmind, he is making my anxiety 100 times worse! thank you for lettingme vent
 

Halo

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Jul 19, 2005
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First of all venting here is always a good thing and it helps to get things off your chest.

As for dealing with this in the right way, I don't have any magical answers for you but I really wish that I did. Maybe someone else will know.

One thing that I can tell you is that I am here to support you during this difficult time and will be here always. My :heart: is with you.

Take care and talk to you tomorrow :hug: :hug:
 
Joined
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i'm sorry you're having a rough time. maybe it will help you to realize that your husband is feeling incredibly hurt. i hear it is very common for the cheated-on spouse to bring it up every time, and for the person who did the cheating it's very frustrating to have it thrown at them each time.

i don't know if this helps you any. i guess what i'm trying to say is the reaction on both sides to the situation sounds pretty normal.
 

David Baxter

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Perhaps this will help, too:

No matter what the reason for a relationship breakdown, the person being left is going to need to do a certain amount of "reality reconstruction" in order to salvage his self-esteem and pride. Typically, that will mean that he will need to vilify you, to characterize whatever happened in the relationship as all your fault, to characterize himself as the entirely innocent and blameless injured party who did everything in his power to make you happy, only to be slapped in the face by you, the heartless witch.

It's important to remember that this is HIS reality. You don't need to make it yours. There's a clear reason why he needs to reconstruct reality in this way. You don't need to buy into it.

In the vast majority of cases, it takes two people to sustain a relationship and two people to create a situation where the relationship becomes unsustainable (yes, there are exceptions, but this is true in the vast majority).

Remember this. Look at the part that you played, but remember that he also played a part. And recognize that he probably cannot accept or acknowledge his role in what evolved.

But you can and should recognize it, even knowing that he won't.
 

Peanut

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That's a really powerful post. I guess the hope is that as time passes and wounds heal, the villification will lessen. Then each person can have the opportunity to accept responsibility for the part they played and hopefully find forgivrness for themselves and their ex... and maybe get to have some personal growth from the whole experience (hopefully).

Anyway, thanks for that post, it was really good. Also, hang in there Christina, don't lose it, not yet!
 

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