I was 19 - not attracted any more 24 years later

[Begin_it_now]

I am sad, it's just hitting me, we need to separate and we have been married for 22 years-together for almost 25. I was 19 when I met my husband and fell in love he was 33. I chose to be a stay at home/freelancing mum while raising our 2 great children and my husband and I worked at home, and still do. I can not take it anymore!. We have been together for 24/7/365 days a year for 24 years later and I feel suffocated, he is so dependent on me, even the kids have grown up, left and changed.

I know he has not accepted our future without kids at home and therefore he is leaning on me even more, but I am 42 now (he is 56) and I feel so unhappy and I am not physically attracted to him anymore. My husband and I have been the best of friends. I feel trapped. I will be back where I started as a 19 year old with no security, but I am willing to make that move. I feel it is a gift to give eachother another chance at happiness - or so we think!

 

[Begin_it_now]

I am sad, it's just hitting me, we need to separate and we have been married for 22 years-together for almost 25. I was 19 when I met my husband and fell in love he was 33. I chose to be a stay at home/freelancing mum while raising our 2 great children and my husband and I worked at home, and still do. I can not take it anymore!. We have been together for 24/7/365 days a year for 24 years later and I feel suffocated, he is so dependent on me, even the kids have grown up, left and changed.

I know he has not accepted our future without kids at home and therefore he is leaning on me even more, but I am 42 now (he is 56) and I feel so unhappy and I am not physically attracted to him anymore. My husband and I have been the best of friends. I feel trapped. I will be back where I started as a 19 year old with no security, but I am willing to make that move. I feel it is a gift to give eachother another chance at happiness - or so we think!

 

[HA]

Welcome Begin,

I personally don't know how anyone could be with a spouse 24/7/365. Make no wonder you want out! And you're still friends?

Maybe you just need to make changes to the amount of time you spend together rather than actually divorce.

What about you finding work outside the home? Make plans to spend time out and apart for both of you.

If I were you I would look at other options before deciding that ending it is the only answer.

What do you think, Begin?

 

[HA]

Welcome Begin,

I personally don't know how anyone could be with a spouse 24/7/365. Make no wonder you want out! And you're still friends?

Maybe you just need to make changes to the amount of time you spend together rather than actually divorce.

What about you finding work outside the home? Make plans to spend time out and apart for both of you.

If I were you I would look at other options before deciding that ending it is the only answer.

What do you think, Begin?

 

[poohbear]

I'm in your boat, too, Begin. I met my husband at 15, married at 20, we have three boys and are now 33-- we both are 33. We have grown apart. Our love has changed over the years. We don;t have that "spark" anymore--haven't had it for many,many years. We haven't been happy in many years, either. I asked him once to give me a percentage of how much "married time" he has been married, out of all the years. He said something like 50-60% of the time. I told him I felt more like 20-25% of the time. I just don;t think that's healthy. I also believe that you "know" in your heart when it's "over". You must know, if you are considering divorce. But just be absolutely sure you're wanting this before you do it. We separated once, and it was very hard for me. We wound up getting back together obviously, but like I said, it was very hard to do. BUT when I graduate, I am willing to do it again. I am just not happy anymore. We don't talk, and I have no desire to share my feelings with him anymore. I don't feel like I can trust him with my feelings-- he seems to hurt me too much emotionally. And sometimes, I know its unintentional, but he just has no clue. It really hurts after a while when you don;t have anyone to share your life with-- or you HAVE to share your life in a way that seems like it's invasive because you don't want to.--poohbear

 

[ThatLady]

There's so much to think about when considering a divorce, even when the children have grown up and started their own lives. How in the world you could have spent all these years with someone 24/7/365 is a mystery to me. I'd have been pulling down the walls to get out!

You could consider finding outside employment, even if it's only volunteering to get out from under his thumb for awhile. Perhaps, if you spend more time doing things you like to do, and being on your own in the world (so to speak), you'll find your time together improves.

However, if you're sure in your heart that the marriage is dead, there's no sense beating the horse, I suppose. It's really a matter of what you feel inside.