I wasn't sure where to put this so...

[Deenie]

I posted it here. I'm not even sure if I should be posting this but here goes.

I am in my 2nd last year of high school and because of managing to get accepted into several programmes for the acedemically talented, everyone has huge expectations of me. This means that I have to perform well in exams and for the first time in my life I am totally stressed out aobut my ability to perform. This isn't really the main problem.

Lately I've found myself lying constantly because I feel people expect lots of me. I know I have plenty of real personal achievments but my life doesn't seem to warrent any mention. I'm also very unsure of my mental health; I'm almost positive I'm suffering from something really serious like DID and when I took an online personality disorder test i scored High to very high in most catagories, the main exception being narcisstic (spelling?) I'm terrified to ask for help because my mother's best friend used to be a child/teen counciller and I'm scared my mom will just go talk to her or tell me I have nothing to worry about. I have really low self esteem but nobody really knows that because I hide behind a mask of a really loud and bubbly personality. Because of this I feel that nobody really knows me and now and then I cut myself. I make up stuff to the friends that have gotten closest to me about being hooked on morphine and hash. My life is getting out of controll and I think I'm going insane but I'm so scared to ask for help.

Is all this a normal part of adolescence and if not what can I do to help myself because I'm too scared to ask my mother for help

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I'm not sure yet where this should be, either, Deenie, but don't worry about it - I can move it into the appropriate section later.

First, online personality tests are games -- entertainment -- just for fun (see this article on online tests). Never believe anything an online test says about you; they are generally no more accurate than horoscopes, so whatever it claimed to be able to say about your or your "diagnosis" should be taken with a grain of salt.

Second, what is "DID"? If you mean dissociative disorder, what makes you think this might be you? Frankly, what little you've told us about yourself about sounds like you have a lot of stress in your life and it's overwhelming you and impacting on your self-confidence... hence the lying.

 

[Deenie]

Thanks for replying.

Yes, by DID i did mean Dissociative Disorder but I was thinking to fast for my typing to keep up. I'm not really sure why I think this, I read through a university psychology book and it seemed like I had a lot of things in common with a lot of the disorders. I'm just terriefied I will have one of these disorders and then nobody will ever hire me and I'll end up a social outcast. Even the people who know me have commented really often that I'm extremely weird. Like when I was 6 I glued myself to a chair, atttempted suicide and cut off all my hair and eyelashes. People have now labled me as schizo and I would just like to be normal for a change. I'd like to be able to stop lying.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I very much doubt that you have DID -- it's very rare. As for another serious disorder, again it's hard to tell from a couple of brief posts but I'm not sure other than anxiety/worry what makes you think so.

Like when I was 6 I glued myself to a chair, atttempted suicide and cut off all my hair and eyelashes.

What does "attempted suicide" mean? If it were a serious attempt at age 6, that's unusual, but the other two things are more common in young children than you may realize -- it's called "curiosity".

[quote[People have now labled me as schizo and I would just like to be normal for a change. I'd like to be able to stop lying.[/quote]
Who are "People" and why have they "labeled" you that way? Because you're unique? Not a follower? Not like everyone else you know? The lying, as I suggested earlier, is most likely a self-esteem/self-confidence issue. But I'll need more informatioin about the behaviors and traits that are worrying you to be any more specific.

 

[Deenie]

Well, I was on a school tour to the zoo and I threw myself off the top of a steep hill onto a dug up pathway and was in hospital afterwards with lots of stitches.

People range from my friends, to aquaintances and even to my teachers. I'm not sure exactly why they labled me but they keep saying I'm really strange and get scared by my behaviour at times. On the last day of this school term one of my teachers was in visable shock as my friends recounted some of my behaviours to her. I can't even remember some of them because I didn't see anything strange about them, yet everyone thought them odd.

Any of the creative writing I do in english or other languages ends up in a murder or suicide (mainly suicide) and in art, anything I chose to do is death related.
They also think I'm strange because I've managed to go through 3 quite serious relationships in the last year and end them with an sms message and move straight onto the next person. I know that sounds awful but I really don't feel bad about it and I don't get hurt at all from breakups. I don't even have any reasons for ending relationships. One time I even did it for fun because I was bored. My own lack of feeling scares me at times.

I also used to be an excellent musician but have lost all interest in music and havn't picked up an instrument in about 6 months despite reaching grade 8 within 20months on one instrument.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read and respond to my posts.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Looking back at your first post:

I'm terrified to ask for help because my mother's best friend used to be a child/teen counciller and I'm scared my mom will just go talk to her or tell me I have nothing to worry about. I have really low self esteem but nobody really knows that because I hide behind a mask of a really loud and bubbly personality. Because of this I feel that nobody really knows me and now and then I cut myself. I make up stuff to the friends that have gotten closest to me about being hooked on morphine and hash. My life is getting out of controll and I think I'm going insane but I'm so scared to ask for help.

You hide your feelings from other people, hide yourself from other people, suffer from low self-esteem and self-confidence, and have difficulty expressing your feelings to others or even to yourself -- my first guess would be depression which you have worked so hard to mask for so long you have difficulty identifying your feelings even to yourself -- that may well be where the cutting comes in. It's not the only possibility, of course, but what you've told me so far suggests that depression (possibly masked depression) is at least part of the problem.

It would be a shame if you refuse help to yourself in the form of a counsellor or therapist. What about a family doctor as a starting point? I don't think you mentioned your age and I don't know the laws in your area but here at least a teenager's confidence would expected except in a few specific circumstances (like danger to self or others or mandatory reporting of child abuse).

 

[Deenie]

Thanks for your help. I suppose I could go to see the family doctor. It might help. Many thanks for listening and replying. It really means a lot. Oh and I am 16.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Okay -- I can tell you that at 16 your confidentiality would be respected in the US and Canada, anyway...