I feel like every day I have to make a conscious decision to live. I have to choose not to die, although my thoughts during the day are about how I could die, when, etc etc. I hate living like this. It takes so much energy to fight to stay alive every day, and I'm running out of energy. I just don't have the fight left in me. The one thing that keeps me going is that I'm Catholic and was taught that if I take my life I can't go to heaven. I emailed my friend who is a priest to ask what the Church currently teaches. I just want to go away. I just want it to end and be over. I don't have the energy or desire to fight any more.