Im venting cause it does no good holding it in

[Thelostchild]

I’m in or have been I a horrible grouchy mood lately so please bare with me.
To this day I’m at my normal weight range for my height that is and I’m not liking it, Yes I can say that I’ am a recovering anorexic/bulimic, but I don't thank I want to be I’m so gross as I see it disgusting. I’m down right now I don’t know what to do. And I refuse to go to a counselor because I’m not going to pay someone to listen to me speak about how awful I look and take antidepressants just because I feel fat, I’m off all my meds and I’ve come a long way getting off all these meds with all the withdrawals I went through( I will never take antidepressants) its like putting toxic stuff in your body. I’m on a Protein diet Eggs, cheeses, meat, and veggies. All I have to do is exercise once a day, and maybe if realy considerable get a good night sleep phat chance in .
Exuse me im really not happy with myself. thanks

 

[Meg]

I'm sorry that you're feeling so down and frustrated at the moment. It's more than ok to have a vent from time to time - no apology necessary. :hug:

It sounds like something needs to change, though, doesn't it? If you're at your correct weight then that isn't what needs to change, even if it feels like it is. There's so much more to you than the number you see on the scales, and you're worth taking care of.

If there's one thing I've learned it's that the better care you take of yourself the better you are likely to feel. I get the impression that you're pretty strict with yourself. While self-control isn't necessarily a bad thing, it can get pretty stressful after a while if you don't give yourself a chance to relax. What do you do for yourself that's nice?

I'm sorry that you had a bad experience with medication - did you come off it with the help of your doctor? Have you had therapy specifically for your eating disorder before?

 

[Thelostchild]

I went to a counselor for my depression and what not, though the eating disorder came up alot for which he really had no experience in that field. My ex- Husband would not allow me to seek treatment due to financial reasons and many more. Of course he told the doctor and me that he could take care of me and make me better that disease only progressed. By the time I moved up to MT with my follks they were very devistated and shocked about my weight of course they never knew much about my life with the ex husband. So I gathered up all of my 6 medication, animals, clothes pretty much anything I could shove in the truck. Once I came to Mt I was seeing a psychciatrist, psychologist, and a doctor to moniter my medical aspect of things. And a couple months later while living at home with my parents I got into a really low desperation and tried to commit_______ and that landed me in a psych ward which in all was not that bad, the one down fall was that I was back up to 5 pills a day. So no not all of my therapy was a secsess. I was in therapy since 05 and he just did understand that this sort of thing just doesn't go away, and meanwhile he started making dinner and I would eat it,but I would just go and (((Purge))). I would come home with material on eating disorder and he would read it, it would sit on the kitchen table for months. And medications were horrible I took Effexor for a long time seriquel, Depekote, klonipin, and mytheline. Once theses are in your system for a long time and it comes time were you don't want to be on these meds because alll its doing is making you sleepy, so you cant go to work on this stuff, its expensive and the community center clinic says o ' yah we can help you, but now you have to pay for your own medication, and then I finally get off these medication because of the fallowing reasons not to mention while so sleepy and high these drugs you can't even go to work and function your life starts going down the beep whole and your totally screwed... Now days Im off my meds but im having those "withdrawls". Anyway I shut up. And I can't sleep that scks too...

 

[Meg]

You've certainly been through the wringer with it

I'm sorry you haven't had the support you needed from your ex-husband and that the treatments you have tried so far haven't worked out for you. That must have been pretty discouraging. I hope that you won't give up on the idea of ever finding a different treatment that will help put things back into place for you, though. I'm sure you know better than I do how difficult it can be to find something that will click for you, but if you stick with it until you do it can make a real difference.

I really hope you feel better soon.