helpwanted
Member
I am completely at the end of my rope. I don't know how to cope much further.
This year started off badly. I had such plans and hopes, but none of that is remotely relevant now. I was ill from an adverse reaction to an antibiotic, and my workplace was degrading into a morass of backbiting and negativity.
Soon after that, child service started pounding on my door. Some anonymous person had sent a report that I was molesting my children. I don't know why, or who, or any details of the report, but I spent the next several months defending myself from horrible unspecified innuendoes, with sheriffs pounding on my door to deliver summons instead of dealing through my lawyer. The state lawyer even admitted to our lawyer that they knew I was innocent -- but if I didn't cooperate with their degrading investigation to cover their own rear ends, they would take my kids away anyway.
Soon after that started my workplace collapsed on itself. There were layoffs. I was given the option to transfer to a distant city but instead I volunteered to take a layoff package. The way the company imploded was so heartbreaking I simply did not want to go back to a job for a while.
The day I lost my job, my wife asked for a divorce. For two weeks she upped the pressure on me until I agreed. She threatened to go to child services and corroborate the lies if I didn't instantly agree to grant all custody and rights to my children. And then she demanded help with her citizenship papers, too. It is only because of my efforts on what was called an impossible immigration case that she's been able to stay in the US for the past twelve years in the first place. And then she delayed filing her papers -- it has been more than seven months since we agreed to separate but we're still living in the same house, as strangers with children.
While unemployed, I was driving down the road in the rain with my children when I lost control and crashed. We were all needed medical care but were for the most part okay. It took months of people tinkering with my car before I was able to be mobile on my own without help from my soon-to-be-ex.
Also while unemployed, I developed a nasty hacking cough. Concerned, I went to the doctor and was given two rounds of quinolone antibiotics (don't. ever. take. these.) from which I had yet another adverse reaction. These left me unable to walk for more than two months. I was in constant pain, disoriented, depressed, with a short-term memory that didn't work very well. I was unable to look for work. I was unable to take care of myself and my children and had to briefly move back in with my parents. I'd declared independence from my parents when I was 17 -- it was very hard to move back in.
My nasty hacking cough never went away to this day. In September it developed into pneumonia. Wasn't fun. The pneumonia is gone but I'm still coughing.
Throughout all of this my "friends" vanished. Almost no one wanted to be around this horribly unlucky person. Maybe they think bad luck rubs off? Nobody but one -- a friend from high school who reconnected with me turned out to be an amazing person who helped me. She unknowingly saved me from suicide at one point with cheerful messages and visits.
And then she vanished. Her abusive raging husband demanded she cut off all contact with the outside world. She is not allowed to talk even to her female friends now. To complicate matters she has also developed a nasty health problem. I feel like maybe folks were right -- bad luck does rub off, and I feel absolutely awful that my one friend is gone, and that I cannot help her.
Meanwhile, I've been looking very hard for work. I'd never been turned down for an interview in my life until this year, and now I've been turned down about ten times in just a few scant weeks. The explanations given for why they don't want me make no sense! My job skills are great, but growing obsolete -- and no one cares about training, only about what your last employer was doing, and my last employer was doing insane things! And employers are suspicious about my explanation why I've been out of work for so long.
I actually did have one job offer. It was for so little money that I turned it down. Several rejections later I feel like an idiot for that now.
I had what I felt was the best job interview of my life yesterday. And today I was turned down yet again. I've given my very best, better than I thought my best was, and it's still not good enough.
It's been one thing after another after another after another. I'm losing or have lost my children, my wife, my best friends, my employability, my savings, probably my house, and my physical health. As a result I'm losing my mind. I'm 33 but I feel like my life is over. I've always felt like I was strong, could weather any emergency, handle any stress. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who to turn to. I can't afford a therapist anymore. I've never been part of any tight-knit community, church, and I've never really had much in the way of family except my parents who give me horrible advice. I pray to God but every single thing I've prayed for has not only been denied but the denial has been slammed in my face with the force of a baseball bat.
I'm so unbelievably tired.
This year started off badly. I had such plans and hopes, but none of that is remotely relevant now. I was ill from an adverse reaction to an antibiotic, and my workplace was degrading into a morass of backbiting and negativity.
Soon after that, child service started pounding on my door. Some anonymous person had sent a report that I was molesting my children. I don't know why, or who, or any details of the report, but I spent the next several months defending myself from horrible unspecified innuendoes, with sheriffs pounding on my door to deliver summons instead of dealing through my lawyer. The state lawyer even admitted to our lawyer that they knew I was innocent -- but if I didn't cooperate with their degrading investigation to cover their own rear ends, they would take my kids away anyway.
Soon after that started my workplace collapsed on itself. There were layoffs. I was given the option to transfer to a distant city but instead I volunteered to take a layoff package. The way the company imploded was so heartbreaking I simply did not want to go back to a job for a while.
The day I lost my job, my wife asked for a divorce. For two weeks she upped the pressure on me until I agreed. She threatened to go to child services and corroborate the lies if I didn't instantly agree to grant all custody and rights to my children. And then she demanded help with her citizenship papers, too. It is only because of my efforts on what was called an impossible immigration case that she's been able to stay in the US for the past twelve years in the first place. And then she delayed filing her papers -- it has been more than seven months since we agreed to separate but we're still living in the same house, as strangers with children.
While unemployed, I was driving down the road in the rain with my children when I lost control and crashed. We were all needed medical care but were for the most part okay. It took months of people tinkering with my car before I was able to be mobile on my own without help from my soon-to-be-ex.
Also while unemployed, I developed a nasty hacking cough. Concerned, I went to the doctor and was given two rounds of quinolone antibiotics (don't. ever. take. these.) from which I had yet another adverse reaction. These left me unable to walk for more than two months. I was in constant pain, disoriented, depressed, with a short-term memory that didn't work very well. I was unable to look for work. I was unable to take care of myself and my children and had to briefly move back in with my parents. I'd declared independence from my parents when I was 17 -- it was very hard to move back in.
My nasty hacking cough never went away to this day. In September it developed into pneumonia. Wasn't fun. The pneumonia is gone but I'm still coughing.
Throughout all of this my "friends" vanished. Almost no one wanted to be around this horribly unlucky person. Maybe they think bad luck rubs off? Nobody but one -- a friend from high school who reconnected with me turned out to be an amazing person who helped me. She unknowingly saved me from suicide at one point with cheerful messages and visits.
And then she vanished. Her abusive raging husband demanded she cut off all contact with the outside world. She is not allowed to talk even to her female friends now. To complicate matters she has also developed a nasty health problem. I feel like maybe folks were right -- bad luck does rub off, and I feel absolutely awful that my one friend is gone, and that I cannot help her.
Meanwhile, I've been looking very hard for work. I'd never been turned down for an interview in my life until this year, and now I've been turned down about ten times in just a few scant weeks. The explanations given for why they don't want me make no sense! My job skills are great, but growing obsolete -- and no one cares about training, only about what your last employer was doing, and my last employer was doing insane things! And employers are suspicious about my explanation why I've been out of work for so long.
I actually did have one job offer. It was for so little money that I turned it down. Several rejections later I feel like an idiot for that now.
I had what I felt was the best job interview of my life yesterday. And today I was turned down yet again. I've given my very best, better than I thought my best was, and it's still not good enough.
It's been one thing after another after another after another. I'm losing or have lost my children, my wife, my best friends, my employability, my savings, probably my house, and my physical health. As a result I'm losing my mind. I'm 33 but I feel like my life is over. I've always felt like I was strong, could weather any emergency, handle any stress. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who to turn to. I can't afford a therapist anymore. I've never been part of any tight-knit community, church, and I've never really had much in the way of family except my parents who give me horrible advice. I pray to God but every single thing I've prayed for has not only been denied but the denial has been slammed in my face with the force of a baseball bat.
I'm so unbelievably tired.
