Juggling Act - Feels Impossible

[phoebe22]

Good morning

I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced the same kind of thing: when I developed chronic physical health problems, my mental/psych conditions got much worse. Becoming disabled was difficult to accept; that it happened so suddenly and devastatingly is something I'm still trying to process.

I believe the mental/emotional problems got so much worse due to the non-stop stress of coping with physical disability, limitations, and pain as well as changes in family life, changes in social life, financial changes (and so on).


There are so many losses to grieve, and so many concerns about things I used to take for granted or which came so easily I never thought about them (etc), while at the same time I have to remain "on my toes" to deal with the daily concerns of surviving from month to month on my DB pension, and frequent scares when it looks as if I may lose my income or my rent suddenly goes up to where I have to find something else I can sacrifice to make up the difference.
:wacko:

The list of worries is a long one and it literally keeps me awake at night. I'm slowly getting somewhat more "zen" about it all when things are fairly quiet, but then something "big" happens
mg:
and there I am, trying to deal with a major survival issue while at the same time fighting to stop those triggers from kicking me into an episode of disconnection or a panic reaction which always ends up making things worse.

It's such a muddle I can't even properly describe it or pinpoint specific issues, but at the end of the day it comes down to the need to be two people at the same time: one to deal with the everyday challenges and threats to basic physical survival, and one to work at keeping a lid on at least the worst of the mental/emotional stuff which is being constantly triggered. [I have been diagnosed with c-PTSD and DDNOS, the latter constantly being changed to something slightly different but in the same basic ballpark. I have decided to call it "disconnecting" because however it manifests itself, that's what it feels like.]

I wish I wasn't so long-winded; it's hard enough to speak up without ending up going on and on, but I was never good at getting something down to a few key phrases so I hope I haven't bored anyone to distraction by this point. All of the above is something of a vent, but most of all, it's a question: does anyone else have this kind of problem, and has anyone managed to find some kind of balance when having to deal with so many things at once?

Thanks

:hide:

 

[Yuray]

Many people find balance through medication combined with therapy. Proper diagnosis and a treatement regimen outweigh the benefits of becoming zen.

 

[phoebe22]

Many people find balance through medication combined with therapy. Proper diagnosis and a treatement regimen outweigh the benefits of becoming zen.

I agree absolutely. But when those things are in extremely short supply, "zen" (I use the term loosely) is pretty much my only option.

Thanks

:hide:

 

[Andy]

Vent away Phoebe,

I can understand this, maybe not completely but enough. It is a tough balance and stress doesn't help. The last thing anyone needs when they are trying to stay on top of their mental health is day to day stresses that are crucial to basic survival. I bet you are very stressed out. If you don't have a home you may as well kiss your mental health stability good-bye, if you don't have any emergency resources.

I'm sorry, I haven't been reading around the forum to much so if you have already mentioned things bare with me.

I was wondering if you have someone you can talk to like a therapist or psychologist? Someone anyway to keep on top of your mental health.
Also is there some way you can get yourself a social worker? Someone who understands your situation and at the same time can help you with things in your community, maybe programs that help you financially. I get my rent reduced due to my disability, or someone you can see casually between appointments, just stuff like that, a social worker can point you in the right direction, come up with ideas etc. Just a suggestion. It might be a lot easier on your mental health if you had someone else helping you out.

I talk in circles so I hope that social work bit wasn't to repetitive. I think support will help keep you balanced, if you just keep all the stress inside you are bound to snap sooner or later, best to stay on top of it right?

 

[Yuray]

But when those things are in extremely short supply,

follow this link. There seems to be a lot of venues for you to look into.
vancouver mental health resources - Google Search

 

[phoebe22]

There seems to be a lot of venues for you to look into.

Thanks for the link. It's a full day's trip (by car; longer by bus) to the Vancouver area, but these links are still worth exploring.

:vroom:

 

[Yuray]

Perhaps a phone call to one of the services in Vancouver could shed some light on someone closer to your location. Because we don't know how many things you have tried in the past, forgive us if we presume incorrectly.

 

[phoebe22]

I can understand this, maybe not completely but enough. It is a tough balance and stress doesn't help. The last thing anyone needs when they are trying to stay on top of their mental health is day to day stresses that are crucial to basic survival. I bet you are very stressed out. If you don't have a home you may as well kiss your mental health stability good-bye, if you don't have any emergency resources.

I was wondering if you have someone you can talk to like a therapist or psychologist? Someone anyway to keep on top of your mental health.
Also is there some way you can get yourself a social worker? Someone who understands your situation and at the same time can help you with things in your community, maybe programs that help you financially. I get my rent reduced due to my disability, or someone you can see casually between appointments, just stuff like that, a social worker can point you in the right direction, come up with ideas etc. Just a suggestion. It might be a lot easier on your mental health if you had someone else helping you out.

I talk in circles so I hope that social work bit wasn't to repetitive. I think support will help keep you balanced, if you just keep all the stress inside you are bound to snap sooner or later, best to stay on top of it right?

:hello:

There aren't really any programmes that provide financial help beyond my allotted DB payments, though I'm learning when and where I can sometimes find "freebies" or really good bargains that help stretch the dollars a day or two longer than they would otherwise. I can't see a psych because we don't have one here and when the "flying shrink" does come in, he has far more "critical" cases to look at. I haven't seen him since a couple of assessment sessions lasting about 25 minutes each 5-6 years ago.

I have a clinician (counselor) with whom I can sometimes do a little trouble-shooting; at the very least she provides an ear, which helps me sort out my thoughts. Quite often it turns out there's not much can be done about a problem, but it helps emotionally at least to be heard. She's also super when it comes to helping me chase down information and tries to arrange to attend dr appointments with me (he's quite controlling, somewhat abusive and very dismissive, so if I have a "witness", especially someone representing Mental Health, he's a bit more helpful and not quite as harsh).

I think I've managed to access nearly every service available in this remote area, and I'm so grateful for them, but at the end of the day I'm still exhausted, brain-foggy, and in pain. And I'm still having to fight off all those "dragons" (PTSD-related memories/flashbacks that are so easily triggered). Don't get me wrong ... I'm very appreciative of what help there is and I don't like to think where I'd be without it, but it still takes so much time and energy to just go through those basics, plus all the other demands of daily life, that I've nothing left over, and that's how the mental/emotional side manages to keep itself front and centre while I wonder what will become of my health issues which need far more rest to improve than I'm able to get.

I don't know that I'd notice if you talk in circles; I make myself dizzy by doing that on a regular basis ... if you haven't already noticed :lol:

There's still more I wanted to respond to, but I'm out of steam. I hope I can add-on later, because if I don't go rest right now I'm going to run into problems I don't want to have to deal with (woe, woe, poor me :dramaqueen

:thankyou2:

 

[phoebe22]

Perhaps a phone call to one of the services in Vancouver could shed some light on someone closer to your location. Because we don't know how many things you have tried in the past, forgive us if we presume incorrectly.

I forget what I've said/not said and where I've said (or not said) it, and I'm so tired I can't see or think straight, so please bear with if I sound cranky; I don't mean to


There are psychs available around here for those with the $ to pay, but for clients of provincial Mental Health Services, the only help available is the "flying shrink" of whom I've seen little. My hope is that (via link you provided) I might find someone who can suggest ways I could arrange some kind of long-distance therapy through provincial services. I don't know if any such thing exists, but I can certainly try to find out

Then I'd just have to work up the courage to talk to yet another psych. I saw several during the time I was dissociating a lot and those encounters were very negative and often triggering experiences. I know they're not all like those I ran into, but the fear remains. Fears can often be conquered, though ... or at least kept on a short leash ... so if there's a way, I'll find it.

:thankyou:

 

[Retired]

I might find someone who can suggest ways I could arrange some kind of long-distance therapy through provincial services.

It may be considered a drastic measure, but have you considered relocating, even temporarily, in order to be closer to more readily available medical services, so that you might gain better control over your health care?

 

[phoebe22]

It may be considered a drastic measure, but have you considered relocating, even temporarily, in order to be closer to more readily available medical services, so that you might gain better control over your health care?

I tried that once about 12 years ago, and it was disastrous in more ways than I could begin to list, but it really set me back. Worst of all, I got even worse phys and mental health care than I did here at home.



As a chronic optimist, however, I have explored the potential of other locations, preferably near someone I know with the same kind of physical issues, but everyone I've talked to tells me it's even worse where they are in every aspect from cost of living to shortage of drs and psychs. And then, because I'm on provincial DB, there would be hundreds of hoops I'd need to leap through, and (given frequent changes of which they never notify clients in advance) no guarantee that I'd be able to move back. It would just be too big a gamble


:hide:

 

[Yuray]

As a chronic optimist,

Now THAT is something I have never heard in all my time here

 

[phoebe22]

As a chronic optimist

Now THAT is something I have never heard in all my time here

:teehee:

Just don't spread it around; I have a curmudgeonly reputation to maintain :lol:

:hide:

---------- Post added at 05:56 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:37 PM ----------

I got some good news today ...

It seems I've qualified for funding to get a device which should reduce some of my pain fairly significantly. I'm not sure when I'll have it, but was told probably this week. It won't solve everything, of course, but any kind of relief is pure joy.

:yahoo: