eva
MVP
Hey folks. I wanted to share something that's been bugging me for a little while now and I'm honestly not sure how to deal with it all the time.
I've been in a relationship for about 3 and a half years. I care about my boyfriend very much we are very comfortable with our relationship. We both still live with our families for financial reasons. But, he is going to have to move out soon and find an apartment to share with his brother because their parents want to sell their house. His current job would not afford him the cost of living (he works 30> hours a week at maybe a few dimes above minimum wage). After 5 years with the same company and jobhunting for a year, he's had no upward mobility or other opportunities come up.
I've been a little more lucky as of late. I've been working at a very nice theatre building and it pays quite well for part-time. On top of this, I was also just selected to write for an up and coming website that specializes in news and discussion of film, tv, video games and pop culture. I was having a very hard time finding opportunities that suited my skills a few years ago and I'm very glad that my luck is beginning to turn, but I'm feeling guilt that my partner is struggling. The guilt is even starting to turn into frustration and impatience - I know that he used to be less motivated about jobhunting- instead doing 'carpetbombs' of applications maybe once a month instead of doing a little bit at a time. I've since called him on this and made sure he changed his methods. He's also an aspiring writer, but his attention span very rarely allows him to finish ideas that he starts, and in the end he just procrastinates, uses "writer's block" as an excuse, and wishes instead of acts.
I'm already having a hard time not believing that his lack of finding opportunities or moving forward might be his own fault. Which, speaking as a realist, I'm willing to consider that it might be, but I don't want to fail at being supportive. And now on top of it, I'm scared that he'll get frustrated and lose interest in either me or his goals because of my hard work and good luck. Rationally speaking, I shouldn't feel guilty over the fact that my skills and qualifications are different and I shouldn't have to deliberately undermine by own accomplishments just because he doesn't have them too. I don't want to feel guilty, but I don't want to be aloof and unavailable either. I'm not sure where to draw the line between being supportive and just coddling him, and it's giving me a hell of a headache.
I've been in a relationship for about 3 and a half years. I care about my boyfriend very much we are very comfortable with our relationship. We both still live with our families for financial reasons. But, he is going to have to move out soon and find an apartment to share with his brother because their parents want to sell their house. His current job would not afford him the cost of living (he works 30> hours a week at maybe a few dimes above minimum wage). After 5 years with the same company and jobhunting for a year, he's had no upward mobility or other opportunities come up.
I've been a little more lucky as of late. I've been working at a very nice theatre building and it pays quite well for part-time. On top of this, I was also just selected to write for an up and coming website that specializes in news and discussion of film, tv, video games and pop culture. I was having a very hard time finding opportunities that suited my skills a few years ago and I'm very glad that my luck is beginning to turn, but I'm feeling guilt that my partner is struggling. The guilt is even starting to turn into frustration and impatience - I know that he used to be less motivated about jobhunting- instead doing 'carpetbombs' of applications maybe once a month instead of doing a little bit at a time. I've since called him on this and made sure he changed his methods. He's also an aspiring writer, but his attention span very rarely allows him to finish ideas that he starts, and in the end he just procrastinates, uses "writer's block" as an excuse, and wishes instead of acts.
I'm already having a hard time not believing that his lack of finding opportunities or moving forward might be his own fault. Which, speaking as a realist, I'm willing to consider that it might be, but I don't want to fail at being supportive. And now on top of it, I'm scared that he'll get frustrated and lose interest in either me or his goals because of my hard work and good luck. Rationally speaking, I shouldn't feel guilty over the fact that my skills and qualifications are different and I shouldn't have to deliberately undermine by own accomplishments just because he doesn't have them too. I don't want to feel guilty, but I don't want to be aloof and unavailable either. I'm not sure where to draw the line between being supportive and just coddling him, and it's giving me a hell of a headache.