• Quote of the Day
    "Don't let what you can't do interfere with what you can do."
    John Wooden, posted by David Baxter
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hello ,
this week was a very hard week for me not because anything dramatic happened but mostly stress just took the best of me and although i have started SI again i feel i have it in some sort of control but yesterday while i was in therapy my psychologist applauded me because i cried this week she told me it was a good thing that i am allowing myself to be in contact with my emotions well then if it is such a good thing why am i so furious that i let myself go and cry i feel as if when i cry it is a weakness and showing it only seems people can take advantage of that weekness... Also something that i don't understand is my therapist way of thinking she gave me a limit of times that i can SI in one day and i was hospitalized in the past for depression and others when i reached too high but not because of the SI and well now she is telling me that i f i go over the number indicated she will hospitalize me but the thing is i am not that suicidal i don't really want to dye and when i SI it is not to end my life and she seems to think but what it you miss a spot and hurt yourself seriously and wind up really hurt or dead and well i don't' believe that could happen but she is convinced it will i could lie but that beats the purpose of the therapy and i want help i just can't go back into the hospital ever again. i don't know how to limit myself and i can't really stop at the moment cause to much is going on so how to tell her how to make her understand?
thanks ashley
 

Daniel

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i don't know how to limit myself and i can't really stop at the moment cause to much is going on

That's part of the reason why your therapist is so concerned.

why am i so furious that i let myself go and cry i feel as if when i cry it is a weakness and showing it only seems people can take advantage of that weekness...

It seems you answered your own question. You don't want to appear vulnerable. You also often mention that you have an excessive need for control.

wind up really hurt or dead and well i don't' believe that could happen

Permanent physical damage (not just scarring) is certainly a concern I would have:

Have you ever severed an artery by mistake?
Have you ever caused nerve damage by mistake?
Have you ever caused irreversible functional damage?

http://www.sisupport.org/survey.htm

Your therapist has your long-term safety in mind, and she does not seem to be overreacting.

will i could lie but that beats the purpose of the therapy

Exactly, and your therapist is more rational than you are right now. You would only be hurting yourself by trying to hide anything. The problem is not with your therapist. The issue is that you are thinking in the short-term. Your therapist is a much better judge of what is best for you in the long term.
 
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crying is a normal, healthy way of releasing your sadness and/or anger. tears don't hurt you, si does. you don't have to cry in front of other people, you can do it alone so that no one can see you are vulnerable. would looking at it that way help? another thought i had is allowing yourself to cry shows strength, not weakness. it takes courage sometimes to let ourselves experience what we are really feeling. as painful as it is, once we work through it, it makes us stronger.
 
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i know that yes any normal person would say whats wrong with crying sometimes the thing is i feel that if i cry i show that i am week that i am vulnerable and therefore that people can hurt me that what peple do or say affects me and i can't take the feeling of loss of controle when i SI yes i may lose control but not for long it is a short moment that i "lose it " when i cry well i can't controle for how long i am going to cry ..
I understand that it is a rsik i take by SI but i feel that my therapist doesn't understand the fact that i feel so pawerless to stop it
she doesn't really aid me in any way she just tels me well try to stop if you don't well hospital .!
 
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you can control how long you cry for. it might feel like you're out of control but you're not. there are times when one needs to put aside the tears for whatever reason, and anyone is capable of that. do you remember a time in your life where you had to stop your tears for a while because you had to pull things together for a few hours?
 
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not really ! i have not cried like really cried in a long time sure when someone dies i have a tear but not to cry and definatly not in front of people !
i just latly i seem to cry a lot and it makesme mad cause i feel soo childish week so then i SI as if to give me a reason to cry a real one
 
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i am sorry to hear that. it's almost as if you are punishing yourself for crying. you say you do not want to cry because then you are vulnerable, and if you are vulnerable then other people can hurt you. it sounds like maybe you are blaming yourself for having a vulnerable side, and thus you blame yourself for having been hurt by people.

getting hurt by others is not something we cause to happen. no one gets through life without pain, and we all are bound to be hurt by other people. some people more so than others, and in your case you were terribly hurt, more hurt than anyone ever deserves. you may feel that if you do not allow yourself to be vulnerable, you can never be hurt again. this doesn't work though, not really, because you are already hurting, ashley. you are hurting, hurting, and hurting, because you won't let yourself let out your hurt by crying. your pain is already there and it is trapped inside of you.
 

texasgirl

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I don't know where I heard this and it may not be correct but tears/crying release toxins in the body. I always thought that sadness creates toxins that need to be released; hence the need to cry. Maybe that's one way to look at it, Ashley-Kate.

I am thinking about you and hope you feel better soon.

:hug::hug:

TG
 

Daniel

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When looking for an article about the release of toxins, I thought this point was interesting:

"Until the Industrial Revolution, crying in public was pretty normal, even for men," says Tom Lutz, Ph.D., an associate professor of English at the University of Iowa and author of Crying: The Natural and Cultural History of Tears. "Heroic epics from Greek times through the Middle Ages are soggy with weeping of all sorts," Dr. Lutz says. "Through most of history, tearlessness has not been the standard of manliness."


...President Clinton routinely sniffles openly, and presidential candidate Bob Dole choked up while recalling how people in his home state helped him with his war injuries.

"Today, it might even be a plus for politicians to cry," says Dr. Frey. "People now like the idea that our leaders can be open about their feelings."

ThirdAge: Toxic tears: how crying keeps you healthy
 

David Baxter

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...President Clinton routinely sniffles openly, and presidential candidate Bob Dole choked up while recalling how people in his home state helped him with his war injuries.

"Today, it might even be a plus for politicians to cry," says Dr. Frey. "People now like the idea that our leaders can be open about their feelings."

I'm not sure whether it was in the same article but I read one recently pointing out that when Bill Clinton gets teary-eyed it gives him increased credibility and sympathy; when Hilary Clinton gets teary (or if she were to do so), people just find her annoying.
 

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