Is OCD curable?

[Cat Dancer]

Maybe I'm not ready for therapy, not strong enough.

 

[Halo]

That is exactly what therapy is for Janet, to make you stronger. People don't go to therapy when they are strong and healthy. This is the perfect time to go.

:hug:

 

[Cat Dancer]

That does make sense.

It just hurts so much more than it did before.

 

[Halo]

Of course it hurts more than it did before, you are trusting your therapist and opening up about your thoughts and feelings and not hiding, escaping and denying them. You are going to therapy and confronting them and trying to challenge/change them and that is seriously scary. That takes courage Janet and it definitely hurts but when I have thoughts of giving up or throwing in the towel I look at the alternative to how I felt before I started therapy, the hell that I was living everyday which was actually worse and the idea of what I want my life to be.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That is exactly what therapy is for Janet, to make you stronger. People don't go to therapy when they are strong and healthy. This is the perfect time to go.

Of course it hurts more than it did before, you are trusting your therapist and opening up about your thoughts and feelings and not hiding, escaping and denying them. You are going to therapy and confronting them and trying to challenge/change them and that is seriously scary. That takes courage Janet and it definitely hurts but when I have thoughts of giving up or throwing in the towel I look at the alternative to how I felt before I started therapy, the hell that I was living everyday which was actually worse and the idea of what I want my life to be.

Excellent points!

 

[Cat Dancer]

I know what I said was stupid.

It's just that I didn't feel this bad before. I wasn't hurting myself as much before and I wasn't really struggling with anorexia before. I was better before I think. It seems all these things have gotten worse.

And it doesn't seem like there is any END to it.

 

[Cat Dancer]

it definitely hurts but when I have thoughts of giving up or throwing in the towel I look at the alternative to how I felt before I started therapy, the hell that I was living everyday which was actually worse and the idea of what I want my life to be.

But what is the goal? I don't know what the goal is and I don't know how I want my life to be. I know that sounds stupid, but it is true. And insurance companies aren't going to give years of therapy so I would like to figure out what I'm trying to do before the end of it.

 

[Into The Light]

the goal is to become well, mentally and physically. to have a healthy life. to not suffer as you are and have been.

 

[Cat Dancer]

the goal is to become well, mentally and physically. to have a healthy life.

I guess I really don't know what that means.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It's just that I didn't feel this bad before. I wasn't hurting myself as much before and I wasn't really struggling with anorexia before. I was better before I think. It seems all these things have gotten worse.

That's primarily selective memory, Janet.

You have been better in the past and you have been worse, much worse, in the past as well.

Progress in therapy is not a straight line upwards. It is a series of ups and downs. You have a lot of closed doors in your mind protecting you from painful memories, thoughts, and feelings. Every time you open one of those doors a little bit, some of that pain escapes and you think you're getting worse. But in fact you're not. The effort it took to keep those doors closed all these years is what was killing you. As painful as it is, the key to getting to a better place in your life is to persist until they are fully open and the feelings locked behind them are fully conquered.

 

[ThatLady]

Janet, your anorexia didn't develop in the last month or so. It's been with you for a long time. I'm sure there have been times before when it was worse than at other times. The same with your SI. There have been bad times, and not-so-bad times, but it's been there, with you, for quite awhile. These things are indications that something's not right. They are proof, all by themselves, of the need for therapy.

As you begin to confront the things you've kept covered up for so long, it's not surprising that these old coping mechanisms will become problematic. You're facing very difficult times and you haven't had enough time in therapy yet to form new ways of coping.

You're only beginning your journey, Janet. As we've said before, it's not a short journey. You can't get where you're going quickly. It's going to take time, just as it has taken time to get to the place you find yourself now, and the place where you were before you began therapy. Sadly, there is no quick fix.

Your goal is peace and harmony in your life. This is what you've indicated you wish to achieve, and it's a healthy goal. It's one worth striving with all of your being to attain. It CAN be attained. It takes work, and committment, and facing some really difficult times, but it's worth it, Janet. Believe me. It's very much worth it. :hug:

 

[Cat Dancer]

I guess you're both right. All of that makes a lot of sense. I just feel not strong enough at the moment to deal with the pain, like maybe I'm not ready to go into those places, but maybe it's time, ready or not. I just don't know what to do with all this pain tonight. I can't stop crying. I don't usually cry at home.

I want to be really self-destructive. I'm thinking about it and for the first time in a long time, it doesn't SEEM like the right/okay/helpful thing to do. Which is terrifying because what do I do instead? I feel like I'm losing my only friend.

I don't know how to deal with the "fallout" of the day after therapy maybe. I don't know.

And it's weird, I want the pain to go away, but if it did, would I feel alive? Is it my friend too, just like I think the self injury is?

 

[ThatLady]

The pain can be replaced, Janet. We replace the pain with self-esteem - self-love. It's a much more pleasant feeling, once you get used to it. :hug:

It's a hard road to travel to find ourselves and our inner strength. It's tough to get well when you're really sick. It can be done, but it just ain't easy, dern it! Just know we're here with you, Janet. We're always here. You don't walk alone. :grouphug:

 

[Cat Dancer]

I'm worrying the diagnosis is wrong and then the treatment would be wrong and I'm totally going down the wrong path.

Can OCD come in many different forms? I don't seem to have traditional symptoms. I don't know what is wrong with me.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I'm worrying the diagnosis is wrong and then the treatment would be wrong and I'm totally going down the wrong path.

Can OCD come in many different forms? I don't seem to have traditional symptoms. I don't know what is wrong with me.

You have ALL of "the traditional symptoms".

 

[Cat Dancer]

So if someone questioned the diagnosis because I don't compulsively wash my hands and I'm not obsessive about dirt, they could be wrong?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

So if someone questioned the diagnosis because I don't compulsively wash my hands and I'm not obsessive about dirt, they could be wrong?

Not "could be wrong". Would be wrong.

 

[Cat Dancer]

So it would be best to listen to a professional who diagnosed me and actually listens to me and knows more of my thoughts and fears than this other person who ridicules me?

I know I should do that. It is just hard.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Yes. I recommend that you smack that other person with a dead fish. He has no idea what he's talking about.

 

[ThatLady]

If you can't smack him with the dead fish, Janet, give the dead fish to me and I'll smack the turkey! Now - about that fish - can we make it a baracuda? They've got such lovely, sharp teeth ...