Isolating / pushing away people due to anxiety

[BluMac81]

Tonight I have a concern beyond it being a saturday night and working on my ending of 2nd week of sobriety: anxiety and pushing people away. I take personal inventories of myself and moods every day, and today tonight I feel fairly anxious and on the brink of panic. I can't afford liquor or tobacco anyway of substance abuse relapse isn't a problem, but I was planning on getting together with a friend today but she caught me in a mood where I just did not want company or to go outside or do anything, so I cancelled our plans to go out for tea, which honestly would have been a good thing for me to do as opposed to staying alone in my apartment all day. She too has problems and she at first asked me if she could come over, and I had to say no.... and now I feel guilty about it cause she has done so much for me in the past and I just pushed her away today to spend the rest of the day alone. It is a safe sancuary here and I have absolutely no thoughts of self-injury or suicide, but I feel like I'm ruining relationships with my isolating, something that I just can't afford (with the so few friends, or friend, I have.)

I just want to keep myself safe from extreme anxiety and panic tonight. Have already taken my 2mg of xanax which did temporarily help, as still have a pill of klonopin per the perscription (tapering off klonopin and getting back on xanax), but I doubt klonopin would work. I just need to make life less "serious" and just have a relaxed, enjoyable evening, without guilt or regret tonight. Hmm...

 

[Into The Light]

can you get back in touch with her tomorrow and explain where you were at today? that you're sorry and realize you may be pushing her away when you probably shouldn't be?

 

[forgetmenot]

It is good you are taking care of you tonight staying calm. I would try to rebook a time when your feeling better to spend time with friend I am sure she will understand as you say she has some problems too. I hope you feel less anxious tommorrow just try to get some rest tonight okay. take care

 

[Andy]

Congrats on week 2 of your sobriety. That's great. :goodjob:
Don't feel guilty about canceling with your friend. Sometimes people make plans and when the day comes it happens to be a chill at home kind of day. Nothing wrong with that. As ITL said maybe you could call her tomorrow if your up to it and talk with her on the phone or meet her. If she has problems I am sure she will understand the need to want to be alone.

I think it is great that realize that you could possibly push people away by isolating yourself. It's sad but after a while that is exactly what happens. That's coming from a "hermit"(no exaggeration). I think as long as your real with people they will understand and hopefully they will be able to convince you to get out some of the times to.

Anyway, babble. I hope you feel less anxious tonight. Maybe try to get yourself distracted in something.

TC

 

[Fiver]

The guilt is a killer, isn't it? But you don't need to feel guilty for anything. If you honestly feel you could have done something differently that would have been more beneficial to you, then learn from it. You do NOT need to feel guilty about not being exactly what your friend needed you to be at that moment. You were being exactly where you needed you to be...even if it wasn't perhaps the best thing you could have done for yourself. Right now your mental health needs to take priority before you can start taking responsibility for getting anyone else back on the right track.

But then, I've been wrong before, and if I am, someone will tell me.

 

[BluMac81]

Thanks you guys, your posts were a great help. I did call my friend just recently and she pretty much echoed what you guys said, and isn't angry with me or anything, we plan on trying again tomorrow to go out for some tea around 1pm, then I have plans to go hiking with my sister in the evening. I guess I just needed one day to myself after this week of school and sobriety. Every day things are getting better, I am feeling better (though my finances are getting worse, lol), I'm making sure to catch my negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts, and when I recognize that anxiety or depression is creeping up on me I'll have a moment of reflection on the couch talking to myself as though I'm my own therapist (LOL), basically asking myself if my worries or reasons for feeling down are rational, then replacing them again with positive thinking.

Its all about staying positive and living one day at a time. I can do it, I'm building back my confidence :2thumbs: