Not sure what my problem is, exactly...other then a lot of self-loathing and anger. I've never kissed a girl and I'm 24.
I've only ever been on one date with a woman about 3 years ago. I was unable to show her any affection at all, and instead I just sort of stayed quiet the whole time. She would tell me I'm cute, and give me little hints that she was interested...then later, she even *told* me she wanted to have sex. Nothing...I didn't do *anything*. Clearly, I was attracted to her because I initiated the meeting with her. But there's a part of me, I think, that just wants to curl up and fight anyone who gets near me. And this part is what took over that night.
Then she sent me a letter saying she wasn't judgemental...So I wrote back to her and gave her this picture that insulted her. She wouldn't talk to me anymore after that... A stupid thing to do, but I did it. It bothered me a little, but I just shrugged it off.
Recently, I came across her online journal from a couple years ago. She writes about how disgusted and angry she was with all the retards she dated, and how lonely she was. And this is what makes me really, really sad...But I'm not sure why I'm like this. I could have made a difference in her life, but I was cold and selfish.
I don't know why I want to be alone all the time! I really miss her...but I just have to cope with her loss, even though I could show her no love to begin with...
Anyway, that's just what's on my mind right now. Probably shouldn't be in the 'relationships' section, as there was none. But whatever...
Maybe I'll add this: I constantly have to be working. A relationship makes me too nervous, as I feel like I have to cut out the work I'm doing...this is a problem for me, I guess.
I've only ever been on one date with a woman about 3 years ago. I was unable to show her any affection at all, and instead I just sort of stayed quiet the whole time. She would tell me I'm cute, and give me little hints that she was interested...then later, she even *told* me she wanted to have sex. Nothing...I didn't do *anything*. Clearly, I was attracted to her because I initiated the meeting with her. But there's a part of me, I think, that just wants to curl up and fight anyone who gets near me. And this part is what took over that night.
Then she sent me a letter saying she wasn't judgemental...So I wrote back to her and gave her this picture that insulted her. She wouldn't talk to me anymore after that... A stupid thing to do, but I did it. It bothered me a little, but I just shrugged it off.
Recently, I came across her online journal from a couple years ago. She writes about how disgusted and angry she was with all the retards she dated, and how lonely she was. And this is what makes me really, really sad...But I'm not sure why I'm like this. I could have made a difference in her life, but I was cold and selfish.
I don't know why I want to be alone all the time! I really miss her...but I just have to cope with her loss, even though I could show her no love to begin with...
Anyway, that's just what's on my mind right now. Probably shouldn't be in the 'relationships' section, as there was none. But whatever...
Maybe I'll add this: I constantly have to be working. A relationship makes me too nervous, as I feel like I have to cut out the work I'm doing...this is a problem for me, I guess.