Limiting Personality

[rebecca8]

Well, I'm pretty much on my way into a Veterinary Technician program that starts this fall. I'm having second thoughts about it though. I feel like there are 2 sides to me. The shy side, and the tough side. I've been wondering if I chose to pursue becoming a Vet Tech because it is the safe choice for my personality type. It took me so long to make a move because for 6 years I've been drifting along with an interest in pursuing humane law enforcement, but am too scared to do so. I wonder if I have the wrong personality for it, or if the right one is just hiding behind my shyness. I used to watch 'Animal Cops' all the time. There is one officer who is pretty sweet, but can become a lion when dealing with people who abuse animals. In my city, there is no such thing as an animal cop yet, (which is weird because we are like the 2nd or 3rd largest city in the country.) Except for the team of 3 or 4 who combat the dog fighting that gangs are involved with. If I really wanted to do that, I'd have to become a 'real' cop. I kinda feel like I am a big tough brutish guy in a too sweet it would make you sick little shy girl's body. I have this strange interest in firearms, and one day do plan to take a trip to a shooting range to get the feel. I love to work with 'the guys,' which is why I love my current job so much(could be a daddy acceptance issue though?)..........except it's not somewhere I would feel satisfied working forever. I have an insanely strong justice theme. I always stick up for the little guy. When it comes to injustice toward animals, I lose some of my inhibitions for a few minutes. I tell people that I used to want to be a cop, they chuckle because I think I remind them of a white Officer Hooks in the movie Police Academy. Or, maybe, that's just how I see myself because some of my true friends have told me that I'd make an excellent detective, and one said an officer in the army. So, they must see that side of me, but I don't know. I thought that someday, if I end up choosing to become a Vet Tech, I'd work at a shelter, and eventually when I'm older become a voluteer humane officer. Maybe, I'm just trying speed my life up, I have no clue. ANyone ever feel like they are someone else trapped under the shyness? Or, maybe I feel this way because I'm sick of being too shy to be able to express my true self?

 

[Halo]

I think that I can relate to some of what you are describing. I sometimes think that I may have went into the wrong field of work because it wasn't my first choice. Although I do love the work that I do now, I often use to wonder "what if I had of went with my first choice" .

What I figured out though is that you can work in one field but have a passion for another which is what I do. I work in a completely different field from what I always thought that I would be doing but have gotten into volunteer work which incorporates my passion and my first choice.

This is something that you may want to think about as well. Obviously you have a love for animals and being a Vet Tech is a great career choice. You also have described a love for police and justice and this may be an area to look into for some sort of volunteering in that field so as to incorporate both your career and your passion.

 

[ShyLady]

I'd say go with the one that you really would want to do for the reast of your life. One other things though. If you really wanted to get into law enforcement, maybe you could, and still do the verterinary correspondnece learning course through mail.

Or you could go with the veterinarian full career, and do the law enforcement correspondence course through mail. Which doesn't include the pysical trainning though.

You might could do them both? A few years on one to learn it all, and a few years on the other one as well. Just a few suggestions of things you could do.

Me personally, I was high school drop out who was more interested in finding love and starting a family. When I was in my 30s I did the high school correspondence coures through mail for about two years, cause I'm a slow learner. These days I wish I had went through school and graduated and then gone onto college to study for writing and office work, or maybe a Librarian, and I was even interested in archeology always and still am.

 

[rosedragon]

Yes, I feel having my shy-scared and tough sides too but not around determining what I would do. More likely they take parts around socializations. I tend to act brave on internet while I'm scared to death in real life.

 

[rebecca8]

An old friend from high school recently contacted me through myspace. I had absolutely no news to tell him from these past 8 years. Wow, nothing like a blast from the past to make you feel like a failure. I'm almost exactly the same since high school. Everybody said, don't ever change.......so I didn't! I really wish I would have gone farther, done more with my life up to now. It's depressing, and now I feel even more pressure. To make things worse, I keep replaying what my mother said to me a few days ago. She was mad because I wouldn't go to my cousin's hearing (he's in jail for drug possession) so then she starts attacking me personally. She said everything out loud that I'm secretly afraid people really think of me. It's like she confirmed my fears and shame. It really feels awful. She was drunk so I don't know if I should pay much attention, but she said mockingly, "Oh, we're 26, and now, all of the sudden we want to go to school!!!" It's like how dare I, when she is so financially irresponsible, I should only be helping her. I became trapped here kidding myself that I actually could finish my education. I did leave once, but was not happy with the direction my life was going, and moved back home after a year thinking my mom could be supportive. That was 6 years ago. What the heck am I doing? I think I have some serious personal issues that are still holding me back. I feel inferior, so am afraid to do anything, feel ashamed, guilty, and my need for social interaction and love is so great that I can't even let go of the only job I've ever liked but has no future just because I get that attention there. One of my friends is my mother's age (gee, wonder why I crave her attention so much) she assured me that she too was a late bloomer, and by 29 she finished school, and her life really picked up, and became very fulfilling. She said, up until then she was kinda a drifter, and very shy too. That made me feel a little better. Kindest, gentlest woman you could ever know. She's a god send to me, and even is considering moving out of state, and said I could sublet her apt. in September if she does make the move. I LOVE her apt., but have no idea how I would pay the rent and bills if I was attending school full time. Suppose there might be loans or grants I could use to partially pay the rent. Anyone know how to get education money....not just for tuition? Sorry to ramble.......just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

 

[Halo]

Rebecca,

I am glad that you felt comfortable to vent here and no need to be sorry...that is what the forum is here for.

I can actually relate to having old friends try to reconnect as I had the same thing happen with me on Facebook. It is difficult to know what to say to someone when they ask "What have you been up to?" It really made me take note of what I have been up to the last 15 years or so. What I did realize though is that although I haven't changed much since high school, in the time since then I have learned so much more about myself since then and that is so much more valuable to me.

Don't get me wrong...education is important but only if it is something that you are interested in. If you have a passion for something and want to pursue it, no matter what age you are than I say go for it.

As for your situation with school and education money, I don't have much knowledge or information to offer in that department but maybe someone else will be able to help.

Take care

 

[Into The Light]

hi rebecca
i am sorry to hear about the rough time you have with your mother. try not to believe her words. i am thinking that maybe the words you feared hearing were in your head already simply because she may have expressed them before and they just stuck.

i think if you want to go to school and have an interest in a certain area, that it would be worth it to try and go for it. you'll need a plan somehow on how you would accomplish it. do you have anyone that could help you strategize?