Misconception of Self-Esteem / Positive thinking

[Small Clone]

Hi,

I hope someone can help me, I'll try to keep this brief but I'm pretty sure that I'll waffle a bit..

Just to let you know I have recently recovered from OCD, which is a major achievement, I have what they awkwardly regard as Pure-O which means that instead of hand washing etc I have intrusive often horrible obsessive thoughts which are often bizarre or disgusting in nature. With the help of a wonderful therapist I have come to an understanding of my condition and have many strategies to lessen it's impact on my life (which prior to this had been considerable).

Now a couple of months ago, clearer in my mind I naturally wanted to make my life better, and I thought to myself that some of the beliefs I held about myself and life were wrong and I wanted to raise my self-esteem, start believing in myself and getting some of things that this condition had denied me in life.

So I did some research on the internet and was alarmed at what I found, along with some good sites etc on the subject I found books such as "The Myth of Self Esteem" and articles which were titled, "Positive Thinking Doesn't Work, Don't be Fooled" and "How Positive Thinking Wrecked the Economy". This is difficult for me as with having OCD when I get confused or anxious about something that matters I find it hard not to react with fear. I am stumped on this as I feel that I cannot ever change the way I feel about myself (I know that that is a very OCD response).

Surly these people are not regarding, believing in yourself and liking yourself as wrong? I think that there is some confusion over the words positive thinking and self-esteem. I think they are referring to that high energy motivational speaker stuff, or books that just seem to say "just think it and it will happen".

What do others feel about this, I for one think there is a mis-conception surrounding this, I don't want to attract massive wealth through sitting in front of a mirror saying affirmations or believe that the cosmos will deliver me the physical attraction of Brad Pitt, just because I believe it will. What I am talking about is stopping myself having self-destructive thoughts, telling myself that I am worthwhile and that life is an amazing gift and that I can go out and get some happiness.

But as some of these people are regarded Dr's and Journalists the anxiety is there for me. So I am stuck at the moment, happy that I know how to defeat OCD (although I know that this is laced with OCD) but stopping myself from working on changing those negative beliefs about myself

• I am Ugly
• I am not good enough and I will never achieve anything
• etc etc

Because these people say that self-esteem doesn't exist or positive thinking will not work, so thinking to myself that I am not ugly and that I am perfectly acceptable as I am is wrong or won't work?

I am a little confused here, hope someone can point me in the right direction.

Regards

SC

 

[Daniel E.]

I think they are referring to that high energy motivational speaker stuff, or books that just seem to say "just think it and it will happen".

Exactly. With my history of depression and obsessive/anxious thinking, I've rarely had to worry about being too positive

(It's a jungle out there in the self-help movement. So if something isn't compatible with researched, academically-discussed approaches, I tend to ignore it.)

I think that there is some confusion over the words positive thinking and self-esteem.

Regarding self-esteem, I like the terms self-acceptance (regarding self-regard) and self-efficacy (regarding confidence) since they are less ambigious:

Self-efficacy relates to a person’s perception of their ability to reach a goal, whereas self-esteem relates to a person’s sense of self-worth.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-efficacy

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Most of the people writing those articles don't understand what positive psychology is really about.

Instead of reading that stuff, look for articles or books on self-esteem and cognitive behavior therapy:

Amazon.com: Ten Days to Self-Esteem: David D. Burns

Amazon.com: Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated: David D. Burns

Amazon.com: Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem: Matthew McKay, Patrick Fanning

Self-esteem: 5 steps to healthy self-esteem - MayoClinic.com

Cognitive Therapy & CBT

 

[Small Clone]

Thanks guys,

I think I need to go see a respected psychologist about this as I am sitting at home totally immobilized by the 'fear' (not belief) that positive thinking is wrong and wont help you and self-esteem doesn't exist ....

I woke up this morning thinking, "get over this, today is a new day and you can have a happy life", then stopped myself, as I thought "that's a positive thought, they don't work - I'm being delusional..."

I know this is very OCD and that I know how to deal with that, but I just seem to come up against a brick wall whenever I want to change the negative beliefs in my life.

This is so unfair, I beat OCD - why can't I get my head around this?

Thanks for you input, keep it coming if you don't mind you might just light the spark that shows me the way....

SC

 

[David Baxter PhD]

This is so unfair, I beat OCD - why can't I get my head around this?

First, you don't "beat" OCD. You learn how to manage it and how to accept the intrusive thoughts and worries as jist thoughts and worries. Even at that, over time the tendencies reappear, e.g., under stress.

But you did previously learn how to manage the thoughts and worries for the most part, and you can do it again. Like anything else, you need to keep working on it.

As for the positive affirmations that you try to repeat to yourself and can't help but dismiss, to be honest I think they are mostly useless and even miondless by themselves. It's like telling yourself that the lord will provide when you're deep in debt and getting deeper (ignoring the fact that the same book that encourages you to believe that also says that the lord helps him who helps himself). That's why I suggested that you stop searching for "positive thinking" articles and start looking for CBT or cognitive resturcturing articles. CBT helps you to challenge your irrational assumptions and substitute objectively more rational ones. Positive thinking asks you to have faith in the mantra and assumes that you will do this via repetition ofthe mantra. CBT teaches you how to actually change the distorted and pessimnistic way you currently think and view the world.

 

[Small Clone]

Thanks David, yes I know what you are saying you can't beat OCD like you can cure Flu, and yes I manage it, and from the thoughts that plagued me before I can keep them to a minimum so they don't affect my life the way they used to. I didn't mean it the way it came out, just the way I worded it.

I agree CBT is what I had to treat my OCD before, so I can apply CBT techniques to my current situation...

It's just difficult when anxiety comes into the equation, I will look into some of those CBT article to get the irrational thoughts in check (any suggestions other than those posted above?), I just know there are some silly beliefs up there that if I could realign would make my life so much easier. I have never done those mantra type things, I think I would feel a proper idiot if I did!

I think I will go and see someone about this as it can't hurt to get professional help, it helped me before.

Thanks

SC

 

[ladylore]

A few of the best ways I know to fight those thoughts:

First - don't fight them (probably already know this). Redirect instead.
I do online puzzles, go for a walk - anything safe that will take my mind off of what I am obsessing about, to at least get a break from them.

I also just name them as thoughts that I don't need to act on. I can check consiously check once, and once I know I am safe then I put it down to just a thought.