Mistaken beliefs

[Serenity]

In trying to get in touch with feelings and discover the message they are trying to convey to me and learn what I need to do to take care of myself ......I've discovered a few things...

1. That I have deep feelings about things that I VALUE..such as honesty, integrity, kindness, etc., and when something goes against that, I feel pain (in whatever capacity, anger, grief, etc.)

2. That I often have reactions based on old wounds that are triggered by current events (e.g., I feel afraid in the face of conflict because of the history of violence I have survived)

3. I have beliefs at times that are untrue...I am unworthy, unlovable, etc.

I find it difficult at times to process the feelings through though. Sometimes I think I am having an emotional reaction to an old wound or am trying to see where my thinking is OFF hence a mistaken or distorted belief, only to discover..that I have NO clue whether to honor and stand up for what I believe or value or change to the feeling as it is a reaction.

I'm trying my darndest to learn...but .. it isn't easy.

Does anyone else have this struggle or know of a way to simplify things...as I do tend to complicate things as you can tell. :dance:

 

[begonia]

That I often have reactions based on old wounds that are triggered by current events (e.g., I feel afraid in the face of conflict because of the history of violence I have survived)

I think that some reactions keep occurring because these are important issues. But I think that we can make progress in our understanding and in recognizing distorted thinking. Me, for example, I was abused as a child and I don't think I'll ever be "cured." But I'm able to recognize that it wasn't my fault and that's some progress at least.

 

[stargazer]

I probably have some mistaken beliefs, too -- basically, that I will be incompetent to manage my end of another relationship, and so I have not sought one out very earnestly since my divorce. So I've not been in a relationship for almost 17 years now, which is kind of sad, I think.

I also have wondered whether it would be better to get involved with someone else in my field, or worse. My work was such an absorption to me that it alienated my wife. Since then I've wondered, if I married someone whose work was also an absorption to them, and if their work was along the same lines as mine, maybe it would work better, because we'd have a better understanding.

I've talked to others in my field about it, and one woman told me that no way would she have married someone in our field. She's since married a guy and had his baby and she seems happy. I met the guy and he was not at all as I'd have expected -- totally opposite of her/us, on first impression.

Anyway, it's all so confusing. I try not to think about it, to be honest with you all.