My height and how I view myself

[Retired]

That BBC article is the kind of media hyperbole that sensationalizes obscure and unimportant human characteristics and behaviours.

The media does this for just one purpose, and that is to sell newspapers, or media time.

Bookstar, da you believe the headlines of the sensationalized tabloids that claim "women give birth to dinosaurs" or "man spends a weekend on Mars" ?

Probably not, and I would respectfully urge you not to buy into claims that appear to be passed off as having scientific importance, such as the height issue.

I have met people of various statures, short tall and in between. Some were nice people and others were not so nice, while some were attractive and others were not. It's the person's personality that others are attracted to and not their shoe size, nose length or length of their legs.

A man in the public eye whom I have always admired is actor Danny DeVito. Mr. DeVito happens to be a person of small stature, yet he has never played a role that reflects his stature. IOW the roles he has played have been roles that could have been played by an actor of average stature, and what he brough to the role was his skill and talent.

Making a judgement about a person based on their stature could be compared to judging a person based on skin color, ethnicity or color of hair.

Look at it this way: If you were courting a woman who happened to be blind, what woould be the charateristtics by which she form an opinion about you?

 

[Into The Light]

bookstar, every individual is unique. what i find attractive in a man might not at all be interesting to another woman. it's a sweeping generalizing statement that women only want tall men. if that were the case, the short gene with have long ago become extinct in the gene pool because only tall men would have been able to have off-spring.

my husband isn't particularly tall, but his height was never once a factor in my attraction to him. he certainly had pleasing looks and a great personality that just seemed to click with mine. it just sort of went from there. personality is definitely a large factor when you meet someone; if you don't like a person's personality then it doesn't matter how good looking or tall they are. you'll still dislike them!

just start talking to women. be yourself. you're bound to find someone who's personality works well with yours.

 

[Daniel E.]

BTW, to reiterate an earlier point:

Last year scientists from the University of Wroclaw in Poland found that when it comes to perfect husbands, shorter men stand head and shoulders above the rest.

They found women regard taller men as excellent for a fling but see short men as better companions with whom to settle down.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=445189&in_page_id=1770

 

[sunset]

Hi Bookstar.. I havent read any responses yet and wanted to answer your question first..
I can understand why you may feel like you do, and yes, there are some shallow women out there that look at all that stuff. I am only 5'2 inches tall and my first love was only a couple of inches taller than me. Needless to say, I LOVED him and height was not a factor.

You need to be confident in yourself, and you will attract the right woman for you! What I find attractive in a man is how he treats me, how he is with his mom, family, friends and even strangers.
Things I find attractive in men... Good work ethic and hard worker, down to earth, kind, sensitive, strong, honest, has good morals and can make me laugh.

What kind of woman are you hoping to attract? If some women arent giving you the time of day, they are NOT your type. Move on, be yourself, and I guarantee you will find someone out there for you, when the time is right.

Thank you everyone for your comments and help. But what about this article? : http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/2190461.stm It is saying that tall men are more sexually attractive and desirable by women. Now I feel if I am walking in the mall I won't get noticed at all because women are all looking for tall guys. Is the article true? Am I going to struggle with looking attractive to women no matter how handsome I may be, all due to my height?

thanks again ;o)

Dont believe everthing you read! I wasnt asked my opinion about it before it went to print.

I dont agree at all with the article. I am only one woman, but thats my opinion. Every person is more attracted to certain types of people and there is nothing wrong with that. I myself tend to be attracted to the shorter stocky kind of guys. Really tall men SCARE me... Dont ask me why, but they do. lol!

 

[Daniel E.]

Some coping strategies:

- Know that plenty of women don’t mind half as much as you think
- Realize that most women will bend their rules for the right guy
- Confidence can make any guy seem ten feet tall

Height hang-ups are just that—another person’s issue, not yours. So if you do get rebuffed because of your stature, consider how Charles looks at the situation: “If a girl doesn’t want to date me because I’m shorter, I just think ‘Too bad for her. She’s missing out on me.’”

Dating when you're a short guy - MSN

Really tall men SCARE me... Dont ask me why, but they do. lol!

Along similar lines:

I like 'em short - Salon

 

[bookstar]

BTW, to reiterate an earlier point:

Daniel, Thank you for your opinion and the article, but there are many articles that say differently. It's the author's opinion of what he found.

I now feel that shorter guys can be just as PHYSICALLY attractive and sexually desirable as any tall guy. Yes, most women may want a man their height or taller, but there are many many women that really honestly don't care. They would rather have a handsome face with a nice body and a great personality to go with it. I have that. All I need is self-confidence and I feel I can attract any woman a tall man could.
At the same time I do realize there are many women that do like tall guys and only date them, but there are several studies that show it is because the woman feels smaller. She's not saying the man looks better because he has longer legs. It just makes her feel more secure to be with a taller man.

I just get insecure sometimes because I tell myself lies in my head. When I am in public, I tell myself that that beautiful woman over there will never give me the time or day because of my height, yet deep inside I know that if I had the confidence that I could stand just as much of a chance as any tall guy.

Taller men are not more sexually desired and more handsome then shorter men. Everyone has their own individual tastes and preferences and there will be both opinions on both ends. Some like short, some like tall, and some don't care either way. Noone in reality is better looking then the next person. It's all a matter of opinion.

 

[ThatLady]

Bookstar - "I just get insecure sometimes because I tell myself lies in my head."

There's the problem! You've got to change your self-talk. Emphasize your good points - your personality, your sense of fun, your sense of humor, and your interest in others. Those are the things that make a person someone everybody wants to spend time with. When you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, make it a point to turn them positive. It takes some practice, but it can certainly be done. You've started doing it right here!

 

[Retired]

No one in reality is better looking then the next person. It's all a matter of opinion

Very well said!

I feel that the media along with business interests with a product to sell have created insecurities among many people through their ads and commercials.

Perhaps the most obvious example is the hair color industry which promises romance, success and self confidence only if one's hair is anything but your natural color..especially if it happens to contain some grey.

The weight loss industry is not far behind, and now we see the flood of body reconstruction shows and services promising romance and success if various body parts undergo modification.

I believe people are attracted to people through personality and perhaps some chemistry, but a person's worth is not the size of their body parts, but rather the value of their character.

 

[bookstar]

Male Height Issue

Hello,

I have received help regarding my height from people on this forum and I thank all of you very much. It does help to hear words of encouragement!

But if height is no issue to women ( I am a 5'7" male), then how come it seems that all beautiful women have a tall guy? I hardly ever see shorter guys with an attractive (to the worlds view) woman. Is it because us shorter guys are not physically attractive enough to attractive a gorgeous looking woman? Or am I disillusioned and only percieve this to be the case but it really isn't true?

Here is a perfect example : I was heading over to a friends house last night I stopped over by a strip mall before going over there and the very first thing I see is a tall guy with this perfect looking woman.I can get very jealous when I see the combonation of a tall guy and the type of woman of my dreams at the same time. Well, it happened. I felt so jealous and low about myself I had to call my friend and say I wasn't feeling well and I went back home and did nothing on a Saturday night.

This is how bad it is. I don't know how to control it.

My thoughts when I see what I saw are:

1. One of the reasons she is with him is because he is tall and that is more attractive and sexier to her and to all beautiful women then a 5'7" little man like myself.

2. A girl like that would never find me desirable, at least not as desirable as that guy because he is tall and more manly then I.

3. I am not good enough for her period.

4. I will never attract someone like that because I am neither tall nor have a career and lifestyle that attracts women like who I am attracted to physically.

So all I do is sulk about it and I never get the courage and confidence to talk to and attract the type of women I am attracted to. When I see some other guy who has her, I get severly jealous and depressed and I think he is more attractive then me and more deserving and better then me and on and on......Seeing that he is tall is the icing on the cake!!!

I cannot take this much more. My mind will explode and I am going to go insane. I've seen many counselors and I will not take medication from a shrink because I know what affects it has in other areas. I don't think that will take care of the cause anyway.

What will take care of it I believe is finding and attracting the type of women I am attracted to so that it will prove to me that my height or status has nothing to do with anything and is not a factor in anything. If I cannot attract my type, I will then know that my height and or my status is not good enough for my type. That is what I fear the most. I feel inferior to most men. that is why I don't have a lot of guy friends. 90% of them will be taller then me and have a gorgeous woman or get them all the time and I cannot or at least have not. I will feel inferior and jealous because of this.

So if you were me, what would you do? Would you face your fears? Would you go out there and talk to as many beautiful women as you can talk to and just see what happens? Or would you instead give in and find someone that you would have to settle with?

Maybe I really need to be asking the women in whom I would want to ask out how they feel, but then if I do they will perceive me as insecure which will be a turn off also.

But what is the real truth to this vast world of women? How will they view me physically? Will I be handsome and desirable? Or will I look inferior and undesirable?


Thanks ;o)

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: Male Height Issue

An article that was in Men's Health magazine recently:

Why Height Doesn't Matter - Men's Health

 

[Into The Light]

Re: Male Height Issue

Hello,

I have received help regarding my height from people on this forum and I thank all of you very much. It does help to hear words of encouragement!

But if height is no issue to women ( I am a 5'7" male), then how come it seems that all beautiful women have a tall guy? I hardly ever see shorter guys with an attractive (to the worlds view) woman. Is it because us shorter guys are not physically attractive enough to attractive a gorgeous looking woman? Or am I disillusioned and only percieve this to be the case but it really isn't true?

i think it is the last - i think it's a matter of perception.

what is your definition of a beautiful woman? in your eyes can they be of any height?

Here is a perfect example : I was heading over to a friends house last night I stopped over by a strip mall before going over there and the very first thing I see is a tall guy with this perfect looking woman.I can get very jealous when I see the combonation of a tall guy and the type of woman of my dreams at the same time. Well, it happened. I felt so jealous and low about myself I had to call my friend and say I wasn't feeling well and I went back home and did nothing on a Saturday night.

you see a tall guy with your dream woman. but this is all you see - their external features. you know nothing about what he's like or what she's like. maybe she's a very jealous and controlling person, in which case you wouldn't want to date her (i would hope.) she may physically resemble what you picture as the woman of your dreams, but that's all you know about her. just because she is what you would like a girlfriend to look like, doesn't mean that she would by default be a good match for you.

This is how bad it is. I don't know how to control it.

My thoughts when I see what I saw are:

1. One of the reasons she is with him is because he is tall and that is more attractive and sexier to her and to all beautiful women then a 5'7" little man like myself.

you're just guessing here. this could be a reason, but there could be a million other reasons why she's with him. maybe he's just a really great guy personality wise. maybe they share a similar sense of humor. maybe he's really confident. maybe he's a jerk and she's with him because she thinks it's better than being alone.

2. A girl like that would never find me desirable, at least not as desirable as that guy because he is tall and more manly then I.

you're making a sweeping statement about "girls like that." do you truly believe that out of all the beautiful women in the world not a single one could possibly be attracted to you?

3. I am not good enough for her period.

you know nothing about this girl. she knows nothing about you. how could anyone conclude that you are not good enough for her?

4. I will never attract someone like that because I am neither tall nor have a career and lifestyle that attracts women like who I am attracted to physically.

says who?

So all I do is sulk about it and I never get the courage and confidence to talk to and attract the type of women I am attracted to. When I see some other guy who has her, I get severly jealous and depressed and I think he is more attractive then me and more deserving and better then me and on and on......Seeing that he is tall is the icing on the cake!!!

i think this is the root of your problem. there's a self-fulfilling prophecy happening here. you believe that you are not attractive enough, and that therefore no one is ever going to be attracted to you, and you sulk and get depressed. how attractive would that girl you saw be if you saw her and instead of being with a guy, she was alone, looking depressed, sulking and in a bad mood?

it's not your height that is making you unattractive. it is your mindset. people can sense that you feel insecure and depressed. people tend to enjoy being around people who are more positive.

I cannot take this much more. My mind will explode and I am going to go insane. I've seen many counselors and I will not take medication from a shrink because I know what affects it has in other areas. I don't think that will take care of the cause anyway.

it doesn't sound like you would need medication but some help with your distorted view might be beneficial. did you see any of these counsellors for this current issue?

What will take care of it I believe is finding and attracting the type of women I am attracted to so that it will prove to me that my height or status has nothing to do with anything and is not a factor in anything. If I cannot attract my type, I will then know that my height and or my status is not good enough for my type. That is what I fear the most. I feel inferior to most men. that is why I don't have a lot of guy friends. 90% of them will be taller then me and have a gorgeous woman or get them all the time and I cannot or at least have not. I will feel inferior and jealous because of this.

you sound insecure and feel inferior to other men. this is the root of your problem. people can sense that.

So if you were me, what would you do? Would you face your fears? Would you go out there and talk to as many beautiful women as you can talk to and just see what happens? Or would you instead give in and find someone that you would have to settle with?

part of regaining confidence could be talking to as many women as possible that you are attracted to, and go in with a positive mindset rather than a defeatist one. the defeatist mindset will only get in the way.

what i would do is find a way to regain a solid sense of self and get rid of the insecurity and sense of inferiority. you have a lot of distorted thinking happening (a skewed view of things), see The Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking - Psychlinks Psychology and Self-Help Forum. it might not be a bad idea to meet with a licensed therapy to do some cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt), and it wouldn't have to take long.

Maybe I really need to be asking the women in whom I would want to ask out how they feel, but then if I do they will perceive me as insecure which will be a turn off also.

But what is the real truth to this vast world of women? How will they view me physically? Will I be handsome and desirable? Or will I look inferior and undesirable?

physical attractiveness is important, but only to a degree. it's what causes us to notice a person initially. once you meet them however, any woman worth having will be interested in you for your personality as well. a successful relationship is based on much more than how good looking each person is.

Thanks ;o)

you seem extremely focused on externals: the good looks, desirability, status. what about compatibility, enjoying each other's company, having fun together, having someone to share things with?

is there anything beyond beauty that you want in a girlfriend? or is this it?

it sounds like you are trying to validate yourself as a human being by having the beautiful girlfriend. is this the only way you think you can have any self-esteem?

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: Male Height Issue

you see a tall guy with your dream woman. but this is all you see - their external features. you know nothing about what he's like or what she's like.

Yeah, and I think one of the few cool things about reality TV shows is seeing attractive, rich couples have conflicts. It's an instant envy killer.

physical attractiveness is important, but only to a degree. it's what causes us to notice a person initially. once you meet them however, any woman worth having will be interested in you for your personality as well. a successful relationship is based on much more than how good looking each person is.

In a similar vein:

Triangular theory of love - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Romantic Love Lasts Just A Year? - Psychlinks Psychology and Self-Help Forum

TED | Talks | Helen Fisher: The science of love, and the future of women (video)

Schopenhauer on Love

 

[lallieth]

Re: Male Height Issue

Hi

My husband is 5'4" and the nicest man I have ever met.I didnt base my desire to be with him on his height or any other external feature.I fell in love with him,because he is sweet and caring and kind.

Any woman worth her weight,wont judge someone because of his height,but rather,will take the time to get to know that person and see what's on the inside,vs any external features.

External beauty fades,but internal beauty will only continue to blossom

 

[Garrett]

Re: Male Height Issue

That's really good to hear, lallieth. More people should be like you.

I'm 5' 7", not even average height. Before I got married 17 years ago I dated quite a few gals, one of them being nearly 6' 2"! She wasn't even uncomfortable with our relationship. The height barrier bothered me more than it did her, but the point is, she chose to be with me vs a man of equal or greater height than herself. Self confidence plays a big part. You don't have to be tall; just think tall.

 

[lallieth]

Re: Male Height Issue

You don't have to be tall; just think tall.

I like this As I am only 5 feet,I think tall all the time

 

[Garrett]

Re: Male Height Issue

I like this As I am only 5 feet,I think tall all the time

That's good. I look at it as being self confident. This is a good thing.

 

[Instinct]

I fully relate to Bookstar's sentiments. I'm 5"8, and I agree with a lot of people's posts that height can be overcome by confidence and other qualities that women find attractive. But self-confidence is extremely difficult to come by when you know that there are a significant number of people that judge your value by your height. And rationalizing that any woman who thinks along these lines isn't worth your time because she is vain (or whatever) does nothing, especially when you know otherwise fantastic women who are dynamic, intelligent, humourous, et cetera, who also make statements like "I won't date a guy under 5'10". So arguably it all comes down to confidence, but when you meet enough women who won't date you because of your height your confidence gets fatally shot.

Moreover, regarding the posts with a link to an article about the correlation between shorter men and relationship appeal contrasted against that with taller men and flings, is such an article supposed to make shorter men feel better? Different men look for different things in women at different times in their lives, and there is nothing morally or physically wrong with a fling so long as you are safe sexually and all parties understand what is going on. This article is not exactly a 'shot in the arm' for a short guy who would be looking to meet women to have flings with.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

You have a point, Instinct, but ultimately we all need to find a way to be at peace with our physical bodies - short, tall, slim, full-figured, whatever.

I have yet to meet someone who didn't hate something about his or her appearance at some point in their lives.

 

[oscartheman]

I'm sorry, I know you guys may just be trying to say that height doesn't matter because that much to make him feel better, and I don't wanna make him feel bad, but I also think he should know... Women like tall guys. It's true, I think it is scientific. I think women just prefer tall guys to short guys. (But I've posted some studies that may be enlightning to you tho.) Women like dominant men basiclly, and height is considered dominant, women like to feel submissive. A women taller then a man, uh huh, that's almost never gonna happen. It isn't right. But I've read a study that, I think it said, you only have to be like 1.7 times bigger then your partner, something like that. If the girl is looking to you like with her head up, you're cool. Height has some disadvantages too, especially if it is freakishly tall. IT's hard to have an eye-to-eye conversation too. But as long as you are a little taller then the girl, you're okay. They would prefer someone bigger I think, but it doesn't really matter as long as you are a little taller.

Next thing is to make women feel secure- a tall guy if he looks nervous I don't supose women like that, and a short guy gets extra points if he looks sharp and confident, etc, good body languege. But women do like tall guys, however they won't really like him if he has a bad personality, like if he is very jelous etc. They'll be attracted, but how you act REALLY that attracts them I guess. The same guy with a different personality will get much different results I think.

I recommend you get the allan and barbara pease book of definitive book of body languege, it has a AWSOME part about height and all, you would really want some accurate information. Here's something i tought interresting

He's a Big Man Around Town


I'm not saying this all of this is true tho!! I personally know guys that are really short and have more then tons of sucess with women. You can get all the girls attracted to you if your personality is good, and your body is just a little above avrege maybe? Not sure about the second part, but the personality part,I'd bet my money on that!

 

[oscartheman]

this is amazing! how did that link show up there, with the WHOLE BOOK? I didn't post that there. I posted a part I copyed\pasted by myself from the book I have on my pc, but it now shows a link to the whole book.