Quote of the Day
"Healing might not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you, all of the expectations, all of the beliefs, and changing into who you are."
Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D. , posted by Daniel
Sounds like a pretty heavy load to put on someone, but what do you think she meant by saying this, and why do you think she said it now rather than a month ago, or a week ago? Anytime someone tells us that we are their entire world, etc., we need to step back and evaluate a lot of things before we tell them that we are in fact just one person and not the world at all.
Exausted, sad, tired, i cant put the right words but thats the best I can do. I just feel like crying and hiding. Nothing is going right in this house. My bro is being a recluse. my dad is having bad work issues. I would love to help but it takes all of my might to not go nuts on a minute-to-minute basis.
Your mother may have been trying to say something that seemed positive to her as a means to pick you up. What we hear can be affected by our past experiences and our filters. To alter what Allegro asked you so that you own your feelings: How did you feel when your mother said that? I realize that it may sound hard to believe but other people can trigger our feelings. In most cases, no one can make you feel your feelings. We learn that certain circumstances happen and then we feel. The process involves a thought (what you think about what a person did), then you experience a feeling, then your feeling usually reaffirms a core belief (such as "I am no good" or "I am worthless.") Then comes your reaction. One can react to what happens in their lives or take action. Taking action involves owning how you feel and letting others know about you boundaries. "I feel" statements can be very useful in owning your feelings. Such as, "Mom, I feel sad when you say that to me." Or you could ask clarifying questions, which I believe are helpful. Such as, "Mom, I am not sure what you mean by that?" It takes practice. I would discuss this with your therapist for sure. Take care! Keep us posted.
If my mother said that to me, I'd automatically assume it's a guilt trip. Why? Because she could just have easily have said, "I love you," which would have come across much better. But from what I understand that message to mean is, "Don't ever abandon me. I'm scared. If you leave it means you don't love me. You are responsible for my happiness. If I'm sad, it's all your fault."
I really hope that's not the case for you. Please bear in mind, I'm only speaking from my frame of reference with my relationship with my own mother.
I dont think its a bad thing. Sometimes parents dont say the right things to their kids, but its obvious that she loves you. She probably meant it that you were a bright spot in her life and that love is getting her through some rough spots. I say dont over analyze it, and just realize she loves you.