gooblax
MVP
Trying to avoid a post-session 3am quit email to therapist and wanting to hit myself in the head over and over til I lose consciousness. There's no point.
- Thread starter gooblax
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David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Why? What's been happening?
gooblax
MVP
I had a session in the afternoon. My therapist is focusing on the practical "get more fulfilment out of life" thing.
I can't imagine ever having something I actually look forward to or enjoying and trying new things just seems pointless. I'm always going to be "stuck in groundhog day" because I'm not a normal person who can be anything different. Then the only option other than killing myself is to force myself to do things and not feel anything, and if I can't do that then I deserve option 1.
I can't imagine ever having something I actually look forward to or enjoying and trying new things just seems pointless. I'm always going to be "stuck in groundhog day" because I'm not a normal person who can be anything different. Then the only option other than killing myself is to force myself to do things and not feel anything, and if I can't do that then I deserve option 1.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Option 3. Fake it until you make it.
Option 4. Tell your therapist you want to try something else.
Option 5. Try a different therapist. Instead of blaming yourself, consider the possibility that he’s (1) not a very good therapist or (2) not a good match for you.
Option 4. Tell your therapist you want to try something else.
Option 5. Try a different therapist. Instead of blaming yourself, consider the possibility that he’s (1) not a very good therapist or (2) not a good match for you.
There is a lot of validity with such behavioral therapy (doing the opposite of what you feel), but it is often or usually difficult for therapists to get legitamite buy-in. So a gradual, baby step approach is best. There is also popularity with the third wave behavioral therapies like ACT and DBT that use mindfulness. With mindfulness, there really is nothing you have to do per se.
gooblax
MVP
Option 3 is the same as 2.
He tries to 'encourage' but it filters through my self critic as "if I don't do XYZ then I'm worthless garbage" and I told him that last session. Yet we kicked off this session the same way and I had to bring it up again at the end. Now I've sent a massive email about how I typically don't "do things" because it's easier to block everything out than face the fact that my life is and always will be pointless. Plus asking if he'd care if he never saw me again, because apparently I'm a sucker for punishment on that front. That was a 9pm email, not a 3am one which would've been worse.
I tried to break up with my bf at 4:30am but he talked me out of it. Now 6:10am and I need to stop telling the time and catch the bus to get to work on time.
He tries to 'encourage' but it filters through my self critic as "if I don't do XYZ then I'm worthless garbage" and I told him that last session. Yet we kicked off this session the same way and I had to bring it up again at the end. Now I've sent a massive email about how I typically don't "do things" because it's easier to block everything out than face the fact that my life is and always will be pointless. Plus asking if he'd care if he never saw me again, because apparently I'm a sucker for punishment on that front. That was a 9pm email, not a 3am one which would've been worse.
I tried to break up with my bf at 4:30am but he talked me out of it. Now 6:10am and I need to stop telling the time and catch the bus to get to work on time.
The self-criticism and seeing everything as hopeless/pointless are symptoms -- not the truth.
"Normalize everything!" is my motto. My dramatic example: You accidentally killed someone (or maybe it wasn't an accident) and the cops are on their way? Not the first time it's happened. Same thing with hopelessness. It's just as old as the sun in human consciousness. Normalizing helps me with acceptance, including self-acceptance. It's sad that other people and even animals suffer mentally, but seeing myself as part of that and not isolated in my suffering sometimes helps quiet the seemingly endless rumination. "It's the loneliness that's the killer."
"Normalize everything!" is my motto. My dramatic example: You accidentally killed someone (or maybe it wasn't an accident) and the cops are on their way? Not the first time it's happened. Same thing with hopelessness. It's just as old as the sun in human consciousness. Normalizing helps me with acceptance, including self-acceptance. It's sad that other people and even animals suffer mentally, but seeing myself as part of that and not isolated in my suffering sometimes helps quiet the seemingly endless rumination. "It's the loneliness that's the killer."
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gooblax
MVP
Maybe it's both symptom and truth.
I think it's true to say that I will always have non-negligible anxiety about doing things that otherwise might be enjoyable such that there is a hurdle ranging from mild reluctance to dread. I also think it's true that I'll be stuck with "everything's an effort" inertia for lots of things. And I also think it's true that who I am as a person is not compatible with being able to spend time with people in an enjoyable sort of way.
Those facts alone don't make life pointless but acting as if they don't exist or that they can be something they are not - that I can be something I cannot - is a recipe for hopelessness.
I think it's true to say that I will always have non-negligible anxiety about doing things that otherwise might be enjoyable such that there is a hurdle ranging from mild reluctance to dread. I also think it's true that I'll be stuck with "everything's an effort" inertia for lots of things. And I also think it's true that who I am as a person is not compatible with being able to spend time with people in an enjoyable sort of way.
Those facts alone don't make life pointless but acting as if they don't exist or that they can be something they are not - that I can be something I cannot - is a recipe for hopelessness.
A lot of people with depression and anxiety have felt the same way. Part of the reason I am so hopeful is that things have gotten better for my mental health over time, despite previously believing that things would not improve and despite believing I was a "special case" -- a treatment-resistant exception to the rule. As long as you don't kill yourself, you will be more and more expert at what works for you and more habituated to life itself.
Maybe something to keep in mind (though I often forget this): Your idea of who you are is not you -- more like a self-schema based on very selective memories, etc. My favorite quote from Alan Watts: "Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth."
Maybe something to keep in mind (though I often forget this): Your idea of who you are is not you -- more like a self-schema based on very selective memories, etc. My favorite quote from Alan Watts: "Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth."
gooblax
MVP
As someone who grinds their teeth I think I've got that one sorted out pretty well 
My therapist has a worse impression of who I am than the impression I think I give to most people. So that's massively depressing in itself.
My therapist has a worse impression of who I am than the impression I think I give to most people. So that's massively depressing in itself.
As someone who grinds their teeth I think I've got that one sorted out pretty well
In Canada, they grind their teeth during the winter to stay warm :canadian:
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
What makes you think that?
gooblax
MVP
The main thing is that with most people I can joke around a bit. With my therapist it's hard for me to get into that sort of headspace.I seem to mask what I'm feeling as a typical rule which also blocks those sorts of jokey conversations, and if I'm particularly upset but still blank-facing I don't laugh at attempts to lighten the mood (I could force it but I'm not there to be intentionally fake). Even starting off the sessions I have a big awkwardness blanket that makes me interact with him differently to other people, likely based on some issue I have with vulnerability.
gooblax
MVP
I've put in a request for an EAP appointment.
gooblax
MVP
I hate that I'm always so sad about this stuff. There's no reason for it to feel this bad.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Therapy is hard work. Change is hard work. And sometimes if it means changing therapists that makes it doubly hard.
gooblax
MVP
I don't want to stop seeing him
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
I know.
You can normalize that too. Being in therapy can be quite triggering for my OCD/anxiety/depression, ideally as in growth pains.
Of course, some therapists are a better match than others. My favorite one was the one who introduced me to solution focused therapy years ago. She was so positive about my progress, every little thing. I think most therapists I have seen since, including those who advertised as being solution focused, have paled in comparison in that respect. But it is easy for me to notice that since I have internalized what she was doing.
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gooblax
MVP
I've figured out what specifically I need to tell my therapist about how his approach isn't working for me (something we've already discussed but as in previous times, I seem to get better words for explaining each time and it takes 3 times for a proper resolution).
The chances of him responding to the email are low, and him responding helpfully are even lower... So I sent a new email today asking for a call or an earlier session to sort this out, because I don't want to wait 3 weeks if I don't have to.
I'll tell him about the other appointment I'm trying to make too. I'm not expecting him to respond poorly to that info but if he does it'll be good data for my decision.
The chances of him responding to the email are low, and him responding helpfully are even lower... So I sent a new email today asking for a call or an earlier session to sort this out, because I don't want to wait 3 weeks if I don't have to.
I'll tell him about the other appointment I'm trying to make too. I'm not expecting him to respond poorly to that info but if he does it'll be good data for my decision.
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