The Five Uncommon Strengths of the Emotionally Neglected…
1. Independent: Growing up you knew, even though it was perhaps never said out loud, that you were essentially on your own.
Problem with a teacher? You solved it.
Conflict with a friend? You figured it out yourself.
Your childhood was a training ground for self-sufficiency.
Now, as an adult, you prefer to do things yourself.
Because you’re so very competent, the great thing is that for the most part, you can.
2. Compassionate: As a child your feelings were far too often ignored.
But that probably didn’t stop you from feeling for others.
Research has shown that even young babies feel empathy.
I have noticed that many people who were emotionally neglected in childhood have decreased access to their own feelings, but extra sensitivity to other people’s feelings.
Compassion is a powerful, healing, and bonding force. And you have it in spades.
3. Giving: Having received a dearth of emotional acknowledgment and validation in childhood, you learned not to ask for things.
Part of being independent and compassionate is that you are more aware of others’ needs than you are of your own.
So now as an adult, you don’t ask for a lot, but you do give a lot.
4. Flexible: As a child, you were probably not often consulted.
Instead of being asked what you wanted or needed, you had no choice but to adjust to the situation at hand.
So now, all grown up, you’re not demanding, pushy or controlling.
Instead, you’re the opposite.
You can go with the flow far better than most people.
And you do.
5. Likable: The people of Childhood Emotional Neglect are some of the most likable in this world.
Compassionate, giving and selfless, you are the one your friends seek out when they need help, advice or support.
You are there for your family and friends, and maybe even strangers too.
Others know that they can rely on you.
Are you ever puzzled about why people like you?
It’s because you have these five unmistakably lovable qualities.
Many CEN people are secretly aware of their great strength, and value it in themselves.
I don’t need help,
I don’t need anything,
I can handle it,
I’ll take care of it,
I’ll be fine with whatever you decide,
If this is true of you, the idea of changing yourself can be frightening.
You don’t want to feel dependent on anyone, including a therapist, friend or spouse.
You’re afraid of appearing needy, or weak, or helpless.
You have a grave fear of becoming selfish.
But here is the beauty of CEN: Your strengths are so enduring that you can make them even better by balancing them.
So you remain independent, but you lose your fear of depending on someone when you need to.
You remain as competent as you’ve always been, but you’re OK with asking for help when you need it.
You stay flexible and can go with the flow, but you are also aware and mindful of your own needs.
You can still handle things.
You’re just as strong as ever.
More balanced and more open, you’re still loved and respected by all who know you.
And the great thing is that now you also love and respect yourself.
He does it occasionally as a way to 'normalise' things but I'm going to have to ask him to try and stop altogether because I don't even find the normalising to be helpful.Understood. But I think most, perhaps all clients would feel at least mildly surprised and irritated by something like that. I certainly would.
True. The whole "not easy to talk to" and "professionally challenging" thing (and definitely the "I care about you as much as some clients, not as much as others") makes me question whether he just thinks he's stuck with me, or it's just a matter of time until he does, but he hasn't actually said that he doesn't want to work with me. My first therapist did decide she couldn't help me. Not sure if my mum turned down any referrals from her or what. But that was for the best because my first therapist was pretty useless and was barking up the wrong tree, so I was ok with not seeing her again aside from the fact that it left me without help for awhile (until I started seeing my psych for the first time, which still didn't help).But your therapist has not referred you out. I have been referred out before. (Not exactly a self-esteem booster at first but better in the long run since many therapists don't do well with OCD or, for that matter, any serious mental illness.)
I guess if you are going to be an entitled therapist, you might as well be honest about it: "Everybody wants to be somebody, but nobody wants to grow." ~ GoetheThe whole "not easy to talk to" and "professionally challenging" thing (and definitely the "I care about you as much as some clients, not as much as others") makes me question whether he just thinks he's stuck with me
deterioration in psychotherapy, psychotherapy outcomewww.psychotherapy.net
A recent study of 129 therapists found that over 90% self-rated their psychotherapy skills at the 75th percentile or greater. All of the therapists rated themselves above the 50th percentile.
Counsellor framed it as "perhaps it's a benefit to you that your psychologist is a bit blunt. You can be confident that he's saying what he really thinks and is being authentic."
Unconditional positive regard, a concept developed by the humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers, is the basic acceptance and support of a person regardless of what the person says or does, especially in the context of client-centred therapy.
Having a driving phobia can severely impact an older driver's mobility. Follow these tips to help reduce your fear of getting behind the wheel.www.aarp.org
Therapists who are skilled in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and treating OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) are well-trained to help patients tackle phobias.