My ongoing therapy dilemma

[gooblax]

Feeling the way I do about my psych is so annoying. It sucks to feel this gross disgusting form of positive appreciation and liking for something that isn't even real. I wish it would just stop.

I said something to my psych along the lines of how big of a delta there is between how I feel about him vs. how he feels about me. I dunno if it was that comment or something else that prompted him to suggest that I read Yalom's Love's Executioner. Apparently he's about to reread it himself. From the book reviews people either seem to love it or hate the brutal honesty about Yalom's thoughts/feelings towards some of his patients. So I'm not sure what the 'lesson' is going to be if I read it, unless it instead relates to the range of problems people go to therapy for vs. my "my problems aren't real problems" thoughts (I did confirm with him that he didn't think me reading it would exacerbate those thoughts but he didn't offer the information... So that's why I don't specifically think that's the reason for the book recommendation).

 

[Daniel E.]

As you get better (or more grounded, etc) -- or have a better therapist, I think you will care less about what your therapist thinks of you or what so-called experts think (like Yalom, who I would be happy to throw under the bus any day, haha) and more about how much better your life is at work, home, etc. (I thought Yalom's semi-philosophical books, When Nietzsche Wept and The Schopenhauer Cure, were sophomoric.)

 

[gooblax]

Hopefully. That's supposed to be the goal, right?

I haven't read anything by Yalom so I wouldn't know. But at least it sounds more promising than the first book recommendation which was Jordan Peterson. I bought it but the whole "responsibility" thing is a bit of a trigger for my self loathing spirals (lol I can't even write it now without starting to get mad) so I couldn't bring myself to read it.

 

[Daniel E.]

Yalom has/had an obsession with death -- which is saying a lot since I have OCD.

He seems to have been a wounder healer with respect to death anxiety.

And his existential solution is similar to others and compatible with behavior therapy:

“The fear of death is always greatest in those who feel that they have not lived their life fully. A good working formula is: the more unlived life, or unrealized potential, the greater one’s death anxiety.”

― Irvin D. Yalom, Love's Executioner

More quotes from him, including about his ideals concerning therapy.

Love's Executioner and Other Tales of Psychotherapy Quotes by Irvin D. Yalom

153 quotes from Love's Executioner and Other Tales of Psychotherapy: ‘Some day soon, perhaps in forty years, there will be no one alive who has ever know...

www.goodreads.com

Irvin D. Yalom Quotes (Author of When Nietzsche Wept)

1064 quotes from Irvin D. Yalom: 'Every person must choose how much truth he can stand.', 'Despair is the price one pays for self-awareness. Look deeply into life, and you'll always find despair.', and 'Only the wounded healer can truly heal. (97)'

www.goodreads.com

 

[gooblax]

I was just googling whether there were any new nearby therapists and discovered that counselor has moved house/home-office. I knew he had a second property because he'd mentioned doing insulation work there. But surprisingly I feel a bit betrayed by him moving and making it harder for me to get there if I was going back to him.

Of course I've also been making myself upset this evening thinking about psych and the usual thoughts. I can't even take a break from seeing him because I'd just miss him, and I'd probably never hear from him again.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

This was the EAP guy, right? So he moved farther away from you?

 

[gooblax]

He's the guy I started seeing when I was considering stopping with psych, and it would take 1.5hrs to get there on public transport. The EAP person was a lady in Melbourne who I only saw once online.

He's only moved about 2 suburbs further away which would be negligible in a car (24mins vs 20mins) but brings the public transport route closer to 2hrs. It's also further on main roads for cycling, since I was planning on working up to being able to ride most of the way to cut down the "waiting between buses" time.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Well that sucks.

Is getting a driver's license out of the question?

 

[gooblax]

Not completely out of the question but it would take at least a year plus I think I'd need a lot of support getting over the fear aspect of it.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I ask not only for the counselor issue but because not having a license seems to have caused you you some inconvenience in other respects as well. Certainly there are some areas where having a car or access to one is really just a choice but in other areas where the public transportation is less convenient being able to drive becomes almost a necessity. Where I live now, the only drawback is not being able to see my son and grandson in another city but apart from that I am close enough to what I need that walking or Uber gets me where I need to be and actually without the fuss of having to find a parking space when I get there.

 

[Daniel E.]

Not completely out of the question but it would take at least a year plus I think I'd need a lot of support getting over the fear aspect of it.

You could find a therapist who moonlights as a driving instructor

I would think by now there are good driving sims, just as there is Flight Simulator.

Car Driving School Simulator - Apps on Google Play

Drive and park with multiple cars & maps. Test of real car handling and parking

play.google.com

But as you say/imply, it is just a matter of habituation. I finally have gotten used to driving in Phoenix traffic without gripping the steering wheel so much my hands would hurt a bit. It is almost fun now, especially if I go in the vehicle that has lane assist.

If I had to go more often than once a month, I would have been habituated within a couple weeks rather than a year or whatever to the interstate driving where there are people making frequent lane changes. And consciously, I was not as nervous driving compared to physically nervous -- like going to the dentist. (At the dentist, I am not consciously worried about anything but my muscles are tense until I get used to a new dentist/hygienist within a few visits.)

And, of course, one gets used to driving in one's local area relatively quickly compared to novel ("exciting") driving environments.

BTW:

Driving anxiety and fear in young older adults in New Zealand

Abstract. Background: driving anxiety and fear can have a marked impact on mobility and independence, although there is no data on the prevalence of this proble

academic.oup.com

 

[gooblax]

It's been on the list for awhile now. Over the holidays I was watching a driving test TV show (for normalising the anxiety and stuff-ups) and had started taking some of the practice questions for the multiple choice test for getting my learners license again.

But one ride in the passenger seat with dad driving the manual car in the busy Sydney traffic and I freaked myself out of it. Versus the quiet wide streets of the coastal town where I thought it could be possible.

Before Xmas I did find a driving school here that caters to clients with anxiety, autism and adhd but it doesn't offer lessons in my suburb so I'd have to go in to the city and have lessons somewhere unfamiliar. So probably just stick to a regular instructor.

But I don't know if I'm ready to commit to it.

 

[Daniel E.]

You seem to be having the old but ongoing transportation problems of suburbia (between the urbanites and the ruralites) due to location of your workplace (?):

Despite 'Car-Free' Hype, Millennials Drive a Lot

Despite the buzz around ride-hailing and bike lanes, car ownership among younger Americans looks a lot like that of older Americans.

www.bloomberg.com

No generation is a bloc: Geography and income also play a major role in how much Millennials are driving compared to one another. According to another analysis of the most recent National Household Travel Survey by the State Smart Transportation Initiative, higher-income Millennials are driving fewer miles annually than their lower-income peers—presumably due to their ability to live in higher-priced cities, where they’re closer to work and where alternative modes are available.

Where I am, almost everyone has a car, if not a 4x4 to drive on dirt roads. But in metro Phoenix, people are living in the future:

Ride-Hailing App - Make the Most of Your Drive - Waymo One

Waymo One, our autonomous ride-hailing app, offers stress-free rides so you can make the most of your time. Sit back and relax—We'll handle the drive.

waymo.com

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I don't think I'm quite ready to trust a driverless car.

 

[Daniel E.]

That's how I feel about Phoenix drivers

 

[gooblax]

You seem to be having the old but ongoing transportation problems of suburbia (between the urbanites and the ruralites) due to location of your workplace (?):

I guess so. I picked my home based on ability to get public transport to work, which is in an industrial area. My area would be classed as an inner suburb.

Where I am, almost everyone has a car, if not a 4x4 to drive on dirt roads. But in metro Phoenix, people are living in the future:

I'd trust one sooner than myself if I could see the test data. Although as a cyclist I'll want to know what weighting value the "kill cyclist" manoeuvre has compared to "kill driver" and "kill passenger" in lose-lose accident scenarios. But I've been waiting for automated vehicles since 2006/2007 so apparently I'm in a time loop of the future being something that should have been in the past.

 

[Daniel E.]

"There are self-driving cars? How long was I in prison?"

~ Mom (TV show)

 

[Daniel E.]

"Do You Like Me?" and Other Questions You Want Your Therapist to Answer

<span style="font-weight: 400;">Julie interrupts herself mid-thought, rolls her eyes and sighs. “You must be so sick of hearing me complain about the ...

www.psychedinsanfrancisco.com

 

[gooblax]

I finished reading the free preview of Love's Executioner (which was the preface plus part of chapter one). I certainly didn't get anything much out of the preface, and chapter one is vaguely interesting but I don't see what I'm going to get out of reading it. Ended up buying the book but dunno how it'll go (hard copy being delivered tomorrow because it was only $1 more than kindle copy which I'd have to read on my phone and that seems like an incredibly annoying way to read anything).

Still not sure if I should just quit, or maybe start spacing appointments out more so that I'll hopefully stop wanting to see him. My next session isn't until next week so plenty of time to decide.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Yeah, I bought a Kindle a few years ago and returned it. I just found it an annoying way to read books.