My ongoing therapy dilemma

[Daniel E.]

 

[GaryQ]

And and more
Wish I had something to say other than I’m already sad and sad for FMN although I haven’t read her latest updates yet and sad that you're going through such a difficult emotional time also.

A lot of words to say nothing much huh? Sorry...

 

[gooblax]

Thanks. I've emailed to ask if there was a reason that we didn't set a session time. I'm sure he won't reply until Thurs at the earliest, but it's that or figure out how to end things with him.
I looked into the EAP thing but I'd have to phone them, which is why I never used it in the first place. They used to have a crappy web form that let you select things to make a wrong entry so then they'd email and tell you to call... But now even the web form is gone.

 

[gooblax]

Why is it so difficult for me to just put this out of my mind? It's got to be some whackjob transference or attachment thing because it's nowhere near normal.

 

[Daniel E.]

transference or attachment thing

And also you have invested a good deal into the therapeutic relationship -- dealing with things that are quite personal.

I haven't seen my last therapist since January and still think of her now and then. Most of my former therapists come to mind at various times -- even 10+ years later.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Same for me. Even the bad ones.

 

[gooblax]

It's just so dumb though.
I specifically tried to ask that we schedule things without emails because of how much I overthink about emails and replies... Only 1 session later to wind up overthinking/obsessing about yet another email.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I still think it’s inconsiderate of him to go days without replying to your email. I don’t understand that behavior.

 

[gooblax]

Probably too busy surfing or reading novels or replying to clients he cares about more.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Probably too busy surfing or reading novels or replying to clients he cares about more.

At this point, I can certainly understand why you might interpret his behavior that way. And apart from simple human courtesy, that's what makes his behavior so unacceptable. This is not a new issue: you've discussed this with him before.

 

[gooblax]

Yeah I'm going to have to either resolve this with him or walk. If it comes to that I'd like to have a final session and request a copy of his notes. But I'm not sure how I'll go if he doesn't reply to the question-email today.

 

[gooblax]

Cool, no reply and it's basically 5pm in that time zone. So that's essentially a big fat nope for today.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

 

[gooblax]

I don't know if I can just wait for when he eventually gets back to me and run the risk that he doesn't respond with a session time. If we have to have another back and forth for that afterwards it's just going to be too hard.
As it is, him not replying today means no response til next Tuesday. I've been considering a followup email explicitly asking for a session (so there won't be another back and forth) and stating that if we can't resolve this then it has to be game over... But then if he takes forever to reply to that as well it will be even worse.

None of the smilies on here really cut it. I guess this is the closest
:sorrow:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Your explicit request could be for a date and a time, making that clear. You could even ask for, e.g., next Wednesday at 6 pm or whatever. If he can’t do that time he can suggest another.

 

[gooblax]

I don't think there's any point suggesting a date /time.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Why not?

 

[gooblax]

Well it's just going to be a date he can't do, so it's dumb for me to suggest one.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Well it's just going to be a date he can't do, so it's dumb for me to suggest one.

1. You can't know to be true that unless you ask.

2. By specifying a date and time, you remind him that you require BOTH pieces of information in a reply.

3. There's nothing dumb about it, except his discourtesy in not replying to your previous email.

 

[gooblax]

He normally does give a time, it's just that daylight savings made it confusing for the last session.
I'm just going to say "ideally next week or the week after" cause there's no way I can magically guess a date that's going to work and I don't want to guess a non-working date.