Need to find words

[Cat Dancer]

I could try those things. I'm just in so much pain, physical and emotional.

 

[Halo]

I know that pain Janet and it is definitely hard to deal with but you need to try something different just for a little bit. Even if you end up SI'ing at least you will have put it off for a little while as you try to engage in other things first. It is all about trying to make it through 1 minute then 5 minutes then 10 minutes. Each minute counts and is an accomplishment.

Take care
:hug: :hug:

 

[Cat Dancer]

I am literally shaking with all the awful feelings I'm having. I just want to self-harm and get it over with, but I'm trying to fight it at the same time. This is so hard. What I really want is to just not be at all. I'm overwhelmed by feelings and pain.

 

[Into The Light]

that's really rough going :hug:

keep hanging on janet. when's your next appointment?

 

[Halo]

Can you do something to comfort yourself and make you feel safe? Maybe wrap yourself in a blanket, fuzzy socks, cup of tea...whatever will help you. I find when I am having awful feelings and feeling overwhelmed that I do one of those things listed above and it helps me to feel comforted and safe. I also try to do things such as puzzles, journalling, tv, reading etc. to take my mind off of whatever is overwhelming me. Is there anything that you can do like that?

:hug: :hug:

 

[Cat Dancer]

I just saw my therapist today so I see him again in a week. I am so needy.

Halo, I could do something like that. I'm kind of curled up in a ball in my computer chair and that is comforting. I should be better than this. I should be doing better.

 

[Into The Light]

don't beat yourself up over it janet. i think you would be doing better if you didn't have your husband tearing you down. he's keeping you where you are.

 

[Halo]

Janet,

I just went through a period of thinking that I "should" be better than I am and really all that it did was put myself down. It really was distorted thinking as it was pointed out to me. I was at where I was at...there was no should be anything. You are doing really tough work in therapy right now and no doubt that it is bringing up a lot of emotions that are painful to deal with. You are definitely doing the best you can and that is all that anyone is asking.

 

[braveheart]

It is human to need support, understanding, caring and gentleness through this. :hug:

 

[Halo]

Hi Janet,

I was just thinking of you and thought that I would check in to see how you are doing today. I hope you managed to get some sleep last night.

Take care and I am thinking of you :heart:
:hug: :hug:

 

[Cat Dancer]

I managed to get some sleep. Had some nightmares, but not horrible ones.

I'm doing better than yesterday. THanks.

:hug: :hug:

 

[Always Changing]

Glad to hear you are doing better.

:hug:

 

[Banned]

Sleep is good. Glad you're doing better, Janet.

 

[Halo]

Janet,

I am so happy to hear that you are going better than you were yesterday. I knew that you would make it through :hug: I had confidence in you

I hope that you have another good night's sleep tonight :zzz:

Take care and take it one day at a time.
:hug: :hug:

 

[Cat Dancer]

It's been almost four weeks since I've self harmed. It will be four weeks on Friday. I still have little urges, but not bad like it was before I was hospitalized. I think the hospital has helped break the cycle for now.

But I've gone from one self-destructive thing to another. The eating disorder is totally out of control. I did ok with it in the hospital, but am not doing well with it now. If only I could just put all this STUFF into words and not take it out on myself. I guess it's hard to change patterns of behavior that you've had for so many years. I kind of want to change and part of me doesn't want to change at all. It's hard. I don't know if that even makes any sense. I'm a little sad that I let go of the progress I made in the hospital. And how can you know something in your head but not be able to put it into practice? Does that make sense?

 

[Halo]

It's been almost four weeks since I've self harmed. It will be four weeks on Friday. I still have little urges, but not bad like it was before I was hospitalized. I think the hospital has helped break the cycle for now.

Janet, that is absolutely amazing....I am so proud of you :2thumbs: You really should be proud of yourself

I'm a little sad that I let go of the progress I made in the hospital. And how can you know something in your head but not be able to put it into practice? Does that make sense?

I don't think that it is that you let go of the progress that you made. This is all a journey and right now you are doing really well on your journey with dealing with the self-harm. The eating disorder is something that you will work on in time but give credit to yourself for the great work that you are doing now.

Take care
:hug: :hug:

 

[Cat Dancer]

Thanks, Halo. I am trying not to look back at the past and the wreck that I have made my life. All I can do is go on from here, one day at a time. One of my goals is to talk more in therapy. When I was in the hospital the psychiatrist made me talk for 4 minutes one day and then six minutes the next day and it was SO hard. Unbelievably hard. He thinks I need to talk more in therapy too. The problem is how do I do that? It's so much easier for me to write things down, but somehow I think I need to learn to say them too. I don't know.

 

[Halo]

Janet,

That is a good strategy to ease your way into talking more. I like that. Have you talked with your current therapist about trying that strategy in your sessions. It may really help with getting you talking more.

I can relate to things being easier to write and the way that it has been described to me is that writing is like laying the foundation or doing the preparation for when the time comes for talking. It is still part of the process.

Again you are doing good Janet :2thumbs:
Take care
:hug: :hug:

 

[helpingothers]

Thanks, Halo. I am trying not to look back at the past and the wreck that I have made my life. All I can do is go on from here, one day at a time. One of my goals is to talk more in therapy. When I was in the hospital the psychiatrist made me talk for 4 minutes one day and then six minutes the next day and it was SO hard. Unbelievably hard. He thinks I need to talk more in therapy too. The problem is how do I do that? It's so much easier for me to write things down, but somehow I think I need to learn to say them too. I don't know.

Hi Janet. Way to go on staying steadfast w/not harming yourself. That's quite an accomplishment! Just a thought. Is it possible to read your journaling to your therapist? It would be able to be a cleanser for you by writing but also maybe help you open up a bit more in session.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I will try to take some of my journaling to therapy tomorrow. There's this huge fear of him rejecting me if he knows some of the things I need to talk about. I really do need to talk more though. Keeping all this inside is crushing me.