Negative experiences with a psychologist

[AmZ]

Hi everyone,

For whoever didn't see the previous thread, I'll give the gist of what has been happening with me in the last couple of weeks. I started to feel unwell a couple of weeks ago which then came to 10 days ago or so of starting to have a bad stomach each and every morning and other symptoms also. I went to the hospital one morning because I was feeling that bad and they just felt my stomach and said it was OK and did a urine sample and that was OK. I said that I was feeling anxious, but not really about my life, but because of feeling sick and not knowing what it is. Also, not having an appetite and feeling shaky when I have a bad stomach etc. They then sent me to the psychiatrist in the hospital who gave me Clonazepam within 3 minutes of speaking with him. (I am 25, never been on meds before, never been in therapy before).

I then saw a psychologist, at the time, I was kind of convinced that maybe they were right. Ends up, I have a virus which I am still fighting 10 days later, so looking forward to that going. Hence, the lack of appetite due to the virus, bad stomach because of the virus, and shaking due to not a panic attack or suchlike, but due to my body being weak and having the shakes.

In all of this experience, however, I learned a lot about myself. Even though their original diagnosis was a bit brash and incorrect, there was an element of truth in it.

On to the psychologist. It was good to talk about things and to realize things that bother me. Great. But the psychologist herself, I have ended up really disliking and it's still a difficult situation with her. Once I found out that in fact, I had something physically wrong, she straight away started saying to me about how I still need to see her twice a week (privately, and I'd need to pay her $180 equivalent a week for this). On one hand, I know that through all of this, I do have things that need to be gone over and sorted in my head, but she was so transparent that she just wants my money and seriously, I could see that she was on purpose trying to make things look worse than they actually are because of this. She called me a couple of times and was so forceful with me. Then she called me again and in sounding desperate, "kindly" told me: "I was thinking, we can go by your schedule if you would like, and maybe meet once a week? I think two, but if it's too much pressure and money for you, then we can do once a week, OK?' " - Well, I'm not dumb so I said to her "In all honesty, in any case, we will go by my schedule as this is ME paying for treatment and MY decision in the end". I said that I wanted to send her the rest of the money I owe her (we only did two sessions) and send her a check in the mail and she refused to give me her address and said that we will speak in a few days, and blah blah, she is in no rush for the money etc. I basically need to now call her and tell her that we are finished and I don't want to use her anymore! I wish I could be stronger and just say 'I am sending you the rest of the money and won't be coming back, but thank you for your help in the sessions we had'. But I know that she is going to ask why and I don't know what to say... Not looking forward to that convo.

On top of this, I now need to find another therapist in who I can see is genuinely there to be honest and help me, and not just run after my money and try to twist things around on me.

The 2 sessions I had with her were OK, the first one better than the second but during the second one, I could start to see that she was a bit different with me. As soon as I said that I really think there is something wrong with me physically, I could see alarm bells ringing in her head as it wasn't a good thing for her that it wasn't all in my mind!

I don't know how it is with other therapists, and I hope better, but by the time we had the second session she just seemed fake to me, like with the faces she was pulling and stuff. It didn't look genuine to me and I ended up sitting there talking and feeling like an idiot. I can't say that that helped me!!!!

Not nice.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Perhaps that's because you seem determined to see this as an either-or situation. Your symptoms could be caused by anxiety; or they could be caused by a viral or bacterial infection; or... they could be caused by a combination of the two.

It sounds to me like the psychologist did see signs of an anxiety disorder when she met with you and is encouraging you to explore that further. I would have preferred that s/he advise you to rule out medical causes or contributors to the symptoms but perhaps in various ways you indicated that had already been done (e.g., when the psychiatrist prescribed clonazepam).

I don't think it's fair to paint her as being motivated solely by money. What you describe sounds more like she is motivated by helping you explore ALL potential origins of your symptoms.

Whether or not you choose to do so is, of course, your decision. But whatever your decision, it seems unfair to vilify the psychologist by impugning her motives.

 

[AmZ]

I know that I've really annoyed you Dr Baxter - Sorry.

She could see that some things have been difficult in my life, fine. My Mother leaving the family home when I was 15 (closest person to me, leaving), my Grandmother passing away from cancer a few years later (close person to me also leaving), moving countries (leaving my Father {v close person to me} family and friends) and only having one family member here who has since gotten married and busy with her life (closest person to me not being close anymore), and now being lonely... Basically left with... myself. Now here we are.
I'm not trying to say that these things are the most awful things in the world to happen to someone, in fact, on the contrary, these things seem to me like pretty much life experiences most people go through. I admit, however, that they have bothered me more than I realize, BUT I know that they are not bad enough to cause anxiety like I was told they are. (I have no problem with a professional opinion, just unfortunately, I had no other opinion or help to go by).

Anyway, what obviously went 'wrong' with the psychologist I admit was my fault also in not being able to understand the way I myself am feeling and in a way, being too accepting/gullible (within myself) with the psychiatrist and doctor in the first place for semi-agreeing with them that maybe they were right that my physical problems were anxiety based. However, I knew that something was wrong physically, and that's what ended up being the case. Unfortunately things just got very confused. In a mix of me being confused as to what was going on, and in a psychiatrist definitely going overboard in giving me meds which was too soon, then with me questioning this and trying to trust him, and with the psychologist who, as she is trained to do, to dig deep and root things out, and in me having trust in her, and then finding that I have a physical problem etc etc etc, I could go on, but I will shut up.... It got down to me not wanting to go back to her, and yes, fine, in her wanting to help a bit, but pressuring too much and etc etc, I won't add my personal thoughts here which I know are true to this woman. She was one of the one in a thousand people that work privately and need/want the money and are uncommon and weren't totally fair. Just messy and a confusing time.

In saying all of this, I am certainly not trying now to bad mouth all psychologists and mental health care professionals, but I am a pretty perceptive person and could see the way that this particular one was and the way she used her words with me.

I hope that she was one in a million (or at least, thousand ;-) ) and that I can move on from here positively and find a 100% genuine therapist.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I am not annoyed with you personally but again you are being very black and white, both in your evaluation of the psychologist and in your condition. The fact that it has a physical basis does not mean that there cannot also be an emotional basis or emotional triggers or emotional contributors - some examples of this would include asthma, diabetes, allergies, etc.

Everything you describe suggests to me that the psychologist is aware of this and is trying to help you to see that there are some issues which probably need to be addressed. You may choose not to do so at this time. You may even disagree with her viewpoint. That does not make her a bad psychologist or a bad person, though. And that is my objection to what you've posted.

Given what you've told us here, I am inclined to agree with her evaluation.

 

[AmZ]

I respect your point of view.

I have gone back and forth on agreeing with you to some degree. But if that was anxiety that brought on the virus, then I would be very concerned. I hope for my sake that it wasn't.

Anyway, in no way trying to offend you, but again, blaming it on myself, one thing I do know is that when I started coming on the forums and only speaking about things on here and asides from that, bottling things up inside, that made me feel worse. Would have been interesting to see what would have happened would I have gone straight away to a psychologist once I started having those sporadic weird thoughts etc. Not much I can do now.

I've now anyway somehow managed to come across as a pretty horrible person (!) so I am backing off now... It was not my intention, nor am I actually this person. I admit that I made some misjudgments on things and not to now say "poor me" but it wasn't so easy for me going through this by myself also.

Thanks for all of the replies and your time.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I'm not trying to paint you as a horrible person, either. Just a person who is perhaps jumping to conclusions and perhaps unfairly characterizing the psychologist in the process.

 

[AmZ]

Thx. How about we maybe meet half way? Or one third for me and two thirds for you? ;-) It's all good.

I have admitted my own failures and errors along the way here (not that you are denying that I know) and I won't go in to the specifics of all that happened with the psychologist (and don't get me wrong, we are not on 'bad terms' or had confrontation between us, I am simply going to tell her thank you but I won't be needing her help further) but I know that some things are for sure that weren't an error in misjudgment on my part.

I hope that in going over all of these events that have happened with the new psychologist will help me see fact from fiction as to what lead to what exactly and ascertain which underlying problems need to be dealt with.

I remember in the past having a 'nervous stomach' (I guess though that a lot of people get this at some point in their lives?), but if this was a 10 day (at least) nervous stomach or something that was brought on from anxiety, then I hope to be able to reach a point to recognize this if it's the case. I am still however thinking that as there were physically things such as a low white blood cell count in the blood test results, that it was at least something physical, which perhaps was made worse at times due to being anxious. Whether that can be diagnosed as "Anxiety", well, I guess it could... Even though, as far as I can understand my own mind, the only anxiety I felt along the way was when I felt that bad in the mornings and had nobody here with me at all, which, I am sure like with anyone, would be a slightly difficult and unpleasant experience of sorts.

Anyway, I'm not trying to make any excuses here or purposefully cover up or hide something - If I am unaware of something in my mind that is affecting me, then I want to be able to find this out about myself and make the positive changes for the future so that I can understand myself better and feel better also.

---------- Post added June 17th, 2010 at 09:47 AM ---------- Previous post was June 16th, 2010 at 11:20 PM ----------

Dare I post an update this morning...

This is definitely a 'told you so' type thing that has happened.

My parents are due to arrive today from abroad to visit whilst my sister is due to give birth. I've been worried about this because of what has been going on and the fact that the doctor said shouldn't be in contact with my sister due to her being pregnant and me (possible, most likely, etc) having a virus. My parents are staying at my sister's house, so I can't go until I am better, so I feel pressure of course to 'get better' quick. Now I can see it's a mental problem, it's even worse a situation and I'm freaking out even more.

Anyway, yep, I told you so - I woke up this morning back to square one. Anxious as hell, and this time, I can see that it is not physically, but 99% mentally. I feel awful and anxious, shaky and my heart is beating faster. I called a clinic I found close by who said I can go to them in a couple of hours to speak with a therapist.

It looks like I can't control this and I'll need to go on the meds.

 

[AmZ]

So, as of last night, I got my correct and final diagnosis which is depression and anxiety. I have been treating my physical condition as a virus for 12 days now, when really, there was no virus there at all. I've been loosing weight and hardly bad an appetite. I'm feeling awful now physically and mentally.

You were correct Dr Baxter... Just a shame I couldn't see it myself.

This morning I woke up for the first time with no bad stomach, which is great, but on the other hand, I know feel worse mentally and it's affecting me physically also like my hair falling out etc. I woke up at 5am feeling v bad and laid there for 3 hours with my eyes closed doing the breathing techniques and managed to pretty much keep it under control and then went back to sleep for a couple of hours.

I can hardly eat and don't know how I can try and make this better. Any ideas? I found a great psychologist (he is a medical doctor, a professor and has a Phd in clinical psychology with over 30 years of experience) who has invited me to his family home tonight for dinner.. (he knows that I am alone in my apartment and that is part of the problem) but today I have woken up with a serious repulsion for food, and now I am really worried that I will go there tonight and not be able to eat and not sure what I'll do about that.

Back to the Clonazepam?! I'm seriously going to have to see how things go, but as of now, I feel terrible and can't go on feeling like this.

I still have 9 pills left.

I will talk about this with my psychologist but is there possibly a better drug I could take? I looked up Clonazepam and from what I see, it's mainly used for panic disorder and not depression. Since now I have moved more over from the anxiety to depression also (!), maybe something would be better for me..

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I found a great psychologist who has invited me to his family home tonight for dinner..

In most of the world, that would be considered a serious boundary violation. Just how "great" is this psychologist?

I'm also curious: Now that the diagnosis of the previous psychologist has been confirmed, why would you not return to her? She was right.

 

[AmZ]

Hi Dr,

I edited my post a little since.

Due to certain circumstances, it's not one where he has overstepped the boundaries. I live in Jerusalem, Israel. Everyone has family meals on Fri night and he knows that I will be by myself and that is part of the problem so had invited me there. He lives 2 streets from me. I got in touch with him through a Rabbi in the community so he's a known professional that also helps new immigrants etc.

I much preferred this psychologist's approach towards the problems I have so will stay with him for now. Regardless of the previous psychologist and what happened with her, asides from my judgments made about her, I didn't find the two sessions I had with her overly helpful to be honest. Just not helpful for me. Also this one I have now has decades of years of experience, is a professor of psychology at the university etc etc.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Ah, okay. Thank you for the clarification.

 

[AmZ]

Sure. Sorry, I should have probably said before! Otherwise it does sound pretty bad.

He's probably going to be someone that is going to be able to help me out with a lot of things... Not just on the therapy side but also because he lives in the community and knows a lot of people... Which is what I am lacking.

I guess there is nothing I can do with the lack of appetite thing? (Asides from taking meds? Does Clonazepam even work for that?)

 

[David Baxter PhD]

So, as of last night, I got my correct and final diagnosis which is depression and anxiety. I have been treating my physical condition as a virus for 12 days now, when really, there was no virus there at all. I've been loosing weight and hardly bad an appetite. I'm feeling awful now physically and mentally.

This morning I woke up for the first time with no bad stomach, which is great, but on the other hand, I know feel worse mentally and it's affecting me physically also like my hair falling out etc. I woke up at 5am feeling v bad and laid there for 3 hours with my eyes closed doing the breathing techniques and managed to pretty much keep it under control and then went back to sleep for a couple of hours.

I can hardly eat and don't know how I can try and make this better. Any ideas? ..... today I have woken up with a serious repulsion for food, and now I am really worried that I will go there tonight and not be able to eat and not sure what I'll do about that.

Back to the Clonazepam?! I'm seriously going to have to see how things go, but as of now, I feel terrible and can't go on feeling like this.

I still have 9 pills left.

I will talk about this with my psychologist but is there possibly a better drug I could take? I looked up Clonazepam and from what I see, it's mainly used for panic disorder and not depression. Since now I have moved more over from the anxiety to depression also (!), maybe something would be better for me..

I guess there is nothing I can do with the lack of appetite thing? (Asides from taking meds!?)

Your new psychologist will help you with long term strategies but for now take the clonazepam which will help the anxiety problem... it's not just for panic disorder. If you're experiencing any anxiety-induced nausea, try taking something like Gravol (you can take that with clonazepam but just be aware that both can make you a little drowsy so be careful about driving until you know how it's going to affect you and it's probably best to avoid any dangerous machinery (e.g., save the chainsaw for later ).

If you are still unable to eat, try drinking some broth or consomme or a thin soup, and make certain to drink plenty of fluids. You don't want to add dehydration to your problems.

 

[AmZ]

Darn, I was going to do some carpentry - I guess that will have to wait! I put the chainsaw back in the shed.

Thanks for the pointers. Much appreciated. I have been feeling really nauseous pretty much every morning but somehow, even though I was physically positioned a few times waiting for that to happen... it didn't.

Funny how the mind works, it really is.

12 days of a bad stomach each and every morning and this morning... no bad stomach. Usually I felt physically bad for just a few hours and much better in the afternoon, and now I guess that I have finally come to the crux of what is going on with me... I've been feeling really bad all day so far.

I will speak with the psychologist later when I see him and tell him what has happened today. When I met him last night he didn't say about taking the meds and at the time, I didn't feel like I needed to take them. But today is a different day.

Anyway, I just hope that I'll be able to eat there later otherwise it's gonna be pretty embarrassing. I'm going there as a guest and not as a patient so nobody is going to know what the deal is with me, asides from the psychologist himself... At worst, I'll try to eat a little! I think that even if I did have an appetite, my stomach has shrunk so much because of not eating the last 12 days, I couldn't manage to eat much anyway! I know I just need to stay relaxed and go there and not get anxious about it... Dare I say, it's all power of the mind.. She says, who can't seem to control hers right now...

 

[AmZ]

Hi,

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

Little update from me ;-)

Last night was very nice, I managed to eat which was great. Just what I needed. I felt really faint a couple of times though (but not after eating), not sure if it was just because I hadn't eaten and was just a lack of energy/low sugar level problem. Even though I felt pretty fine, I can still feel that for whatever reason, I don't seem to be breathing in and out fully which maybe was why I was feeling faint sometimes also. Not sure.

(EDIT: I've had the feeling faint thing again now - I've eaten and drank in the last hour - Not really understanding where this comes from!?)

Today I feel 'back to normal' - I even managed to eat a meal this afternoon by myself which I haven't managed to do in the last 2 weeks. Physically I feel stronger and at least from what I can feel mentally, I feel better and didn't have any feelings of panic of anxiety. One problem though, I just couldn't fall asleep last night, I was awake until 6am. (I haven't done this in the last 2 weeks at all, and have been sleeping fine). Dare I say, again, that I was laying there feeling relaxed and didn't have any feelings (at least, outwardly) of anxiety or worry. I wasn't having any thoughts that I was aware of in the front of my mind, my mind just felt totally blank. I know that's a problem again with me, as something is still going on in my mind so deeply, that I'm not even aware of it...

 

[AmZ]

Unfortunately have felt worse in the last couple of days. Now it's all coming out as to what is my real problem, mental and not physical and also in going to the psychologist and having an hour talking with him, leaving and still having a LOT on my mind, now basically I have been feeling worse for it.

Haven't been able to really function in the mornings for the first few hours, and no appetite to eat until the afternoon. Generally feeling bad in the morning, not sure what to do with myself. Tried to go to work and sit there feeling disconnected from my body, blurry eyed and faint. Then try to be at home, and nothing to keep me distracted asides from focusing on the physical feelings and now the mental ones creeping in. I only feel 'normal' once it's 4pm in the afternoon on most days.

Tonight I have taken the clonazepam and will take 0.25mg once or twice a day. I was told twice, so will see how that goes.

I know that it's meant to be highly addictive after using it just for more than 3-4 weeks even, so I hope that I can take a low dose which will help me for the first couple of weeks or 3 weeks, max a month, but I don't want to go over that for obvious reasons.

I know the life changes I need to make in order so that I won't be as anxious and unhappy. I can do it and am and have been motivated, but not giving it 100%. There is nothing I can do which is an 'instant fix' so hence why I just need the meds to at least bring me down a bit from the anxiety and eat again and function and make the positive changes and meet with the T once a week.

Not where I wanted to be, but it got too bad.