Never ending battle

[Ashley-Kate]

hi there everyone it has been a while i lost my password and well i just been so busy i never thought of making another one and well as i have been on my own for the last couple of months having no psychologist only a nutritionist i am no longer with the youth protection social worker cause i am now 18 and well lets just face it i am anorexic .. i can't stop it i am not really eating anymore not by choice i just can't when i feel that i am going to pass out or my body starts to tremble than i drink something very high in calories and nutrition and that's it i just can't eat anymore i am unable to i just feel so dirty so disgusted by all food.. i hate myself cause i am not able to change cause i have been anorexic/ bulimic for the past 7 years and i have not changed and i am out of hope out of plans . i am moving to Montreal next year and i plan on going to ANEB.. i don't know if anyone knows what that is but it is an association for e-d's but i am not sure that will help my anorexic voice is so much louder although i know i hate this i can't stop.. i just can't even eat anymore
yours truly ashley

 

[Daniel E.]

when i feel that i am going to pass out or my body starts to tremble than i drink something very high in calories and nutrition and that's it i just can't eat anymore

Do you try to increase your intake of high-calorie liquids on a daily basis?

 

[Halo]

Ashley-Kate,

You said in your post that you are moving to Montreal next year to go to ANEB and I am assuming that it is a treatment facility and I think that is really great. My only concern would be when you say next year, how long away is that? Do you know approximately when you will be going? I hope your wait is not that long because it doesn't sound like you have a lot of time to wait.

Take care
:hug:

 

[Ashley-Kate]

well i plan on moving in the month of august in a residence for college.. the thing is i just basicly can't eat i don't eat or drink any calories only water and coffee and then when i feel sick or week i drink like a nutritious milk and that is it for another while i know it is bad but i cna't do anything more anymore i am at a loss

 

[Halo]

AK,

You said that you are moving in August to residence for college but I was wondering if there is some sort of treatment program that you could get into now instead of having to wait until August. Just a thought? My concern is that if you continue down the path that you are on now that you may do irreversible damage and worse than that between now and August.

Take care
:hug:

 

[Ashley-Kate]

the thing is in august i am going to inscribe myself in aneb the open groups and well i thinki may go check what services are at my school or around it and all but besides that fo the moment i am on my own ..
ashley

 

[Misha]

Ashley-Kate... Hi, I'm Michelle, fellow struggler.
Just some thoughts from where I am at right now... I know that being in dorms can be very hard emotionally and at the same time it's very easy to fly under the radar there. Some of my worst times were in college.
I really encourage you to find small things you can do to get you through that time. I'm not going to be stupid and tell you to get on top of this before August.
For about the last 3 months, I have been on a liquid-only diet. I drink Ensure meal replacements which are perscribed by my doctor. I just can not handle solid food, which I am sure you understand.
I was starving myself when I started the Ensure, this time I got ontop of it before I went into hospital. Last year I was in hospital with a tube feed and that is not fun... if you feel out of control now, you can't imagine what it's like to be force-fed. Anyways, this time around I was able to ease into drinking Ensure. Sure, sometimes it stresses me and some days I can't handle it. But it keeps me alive, and ultimately I really don't think I want this to kill me.
Just remember that college is not going to happen if you are in a hospital bed. Small things like drinking Ensure or carrying around non-stress foods to snack on in very small portions in order to keep your energy up during the day.
Again, don't expect too much from yourself right away. Sometimes I freeze ensure into ice cubes and just suck on them during the day. It all depends on what YOU need.
I am always listening, so if you ever need ideas or want to bounce your own off of me, feel free to do so. I will send you a personal message with my email adress so you have it.
And plus, I'm struggling big time to so it is always good to have a friend!
Michelle.