Ashley-Kate
MVP
Hello
The lies slowly start over with a cross of my fingers behind my back i falsly proclaim that i already ate , that everything is fine that my life is just great but is it all that true .. i don't know anymore i don't know if i enjoye being the way i am i don't know if it hurts me i don't know if i should seek help or wait until i am 18 before i tell a soul then i am home free no one can stop me then nobody am i crazy am i allowing myself to deteriorate without fighting for myself why.. why am i so week .. why people ask and i am sick of it my mom that tells me that i can't do it my sister that believes i won't make it i must not tell them they are right but how would they know how hard it is they don't understand how food to me is dirty impure i hate it and they want me to eat it as i look at myself i see what rape has caused me to do i see what i did to myself what i could have done to stop all of it why am i anorexic .. is it because i need it like my doctor once said is it because withouther i am lost why am i bulimic cause i can't bear the feeling of having elements in my body cause it reminds me of him why am i going insane my body is week i just had a binge fallowed by purging but i can't stop it i stop eating and then i go back to eating too much and then i starve again to afterward over do my bodys endurance to exercises and ten the bulimia starts over again i am lost because i know i am hopeless .. i am scared because i live a secret cause ... no one must no i don't know what to say i don't want there replyto be ... i told you so ... i am just so screwed up...
the hopeless anorexic
ashley-kate
The lies slowly start over with a cross of my fingers behind my back i falsly proclaim that i already ate , that everything is fine that my life is just great but is it all that true .. i don't know anymore i don't know if i enjoye being the way i am i don't know if it hurts me i don't know if i should seek help or wait until i am 18 before i tell a soul then i am home free no one can stop me then nobody am i crazy am i allowing myself to deteriorate without fighting for myself why.. why am i so week .. why people ask and i am sick of it my mom that tells me that i can't do it my sister that believes i won't make it i must not tell them they are right but how would they know how hard it is they don't understand how food to me is dirty impure i hate it and they want me to eat it as i look at myself i see what rape has caused me to do i see what i did to myself what i could have done to stop all of it why am i anorexic .. is it because i need it like my doctor once said is it because withouther i am lost why am i bulimic cause i can't bear the feeling of having elements in my body cause it reminds me of him why am i going insane my body is week i just had a binge fallowed by purging but i can't stop it i stop eating and then i go back to eating too much and then i starve again to afterward over do my bodys endurance to exercises and ten the bulimia starts over again i am lost because i know i am hopeless .. i am scared because i live a secret cause ... no one must no i don't know what to say i don't want there replyto be ... i told you so ... i am just so screwed up...
the hopeless anorexic
ashley-kate