lammers1980
Member
Hello everyone. I just wanted to post a new introduction because it has been such a long time since i've been active on these boards. I changed my name partially to protect my privacy and partly because i am sort of "starting over" in life.
A little about me: I've lived most of my life knowing that there was something different about me. I always had a hard time with my emotions, even going back to my earliest memories. I would often feel spaced out and have surreal experiences as a child. Deja vu was also a big part of my childhood, adolescence and occasionally still. When I was about ten years old things started to get really difficult for me. My family moved to a new city and i was bullied relentlessly for the first four years living in my current city. When i went to high school things got better for a while then gradually got worse. By the time I graduated i had no close friends left, only acquaintances and "frenemies".
As an adult i struggled with bouts of depression, anxiety, ocd-like obsessions and alcoholism. I have seen many psychologists and psychiatrists in my lifetime. I met my only real love in my life about ten years ago and eventually got married, having two children during this time. Unfortunately my problems were too much for her and we were separated this year, although we are now on relatively good terms.
As for formal diagnoses, i have a cluster that includes bipolar, adhd, alcoholism, and not formally diagnosed but i believe that i also have tourette's syndrome and although it has been many years since it was active ocd (ruminations about aids lasting for days, weeks, months).
This year has been one of the most difficult in my life. I no longer live with my (estranged) wife and kids, and as a result of a traumatic incident that happened in the past (i believe as a result of a manic/psychotic episode, but that has yet to be determined) i am now forced to live with my parents. Although I do have friends in aa who are very helpful with my alcoholism, i do live a relatively isolated existence. Also, because of my mental illnesses i do not have the same level of freedom that others enjoy. Sorry i can't be more specific about things but i think that would be inappropriate.
Most of the time i am ok, but i still deal with feelings of loneliness and especially guilt. I know i can't change the past and can only affect the future through positive changes, but at times it do ruminate on it and wish things could be different. I need to expand my social support network and where better to look than the old forum that helped me so much in the past.
One more note: I am unemployed and am living on government disability. I haven't worked in four years. I have been told that I have been assigned a caseworker from the local mental health associate but it seems they are very slow in doing things.
A little about me: I've lived most of my life knowing that there was something different about me. I always had a hard time with my emotions, even going back to my earliest memories. I would often feel spaced out and have surreal experiences as a child. Deja vu was also a big part of my childhood, adolescence and occasionally still. When I was about ten years old things started to get really difficult for me. My family moved to a new city and i was bullied relentlessly for the first four years living in my current city. When i went to high school things got better for a while then gradually got worse. By the time I graduated i had no close friends left, only acquaintances and "frenemies".
As an adult i struggled with bouts of depression, anxiety, ocd-like obsessions and alcoholism. I have seen many psychologists and psychiatrists in my lifetime. I met my only real love in my life about ten years ago and eventually got married, having two children during this time. Unfortunately my problems were too much for her and we were separated this year, although we are now on relatively good terms.
As for formal diagnoses, i have a cluster that includes bipolar, adhd, alcoholism, and not formally diagnosed but i believe that i also have tourette's syndrome and although it has been many years since it was active ocd (ruminations about aids lasting for days, weeks, months).
This year has been one of the most difficult in my life. I no longer live with my (estranged) wife and kids, and as a result of a traumatic incident that happened in the past (i believe as a result of a manic/psychotic episode, but that has yet to be determined) i am now forced to live with my parents. Although I do have friends in aa who are very helpful with my alcoholism, i do live a relatively isolated existence. Also, because of my mental illnesses i do not have the same level of freedom that others enjoy. Sorry i can't be more specific about things but i think that would be inappropriate.
Most of the time i am ok, but i still deal with feelings of loneliness and especially guilt. I know i can't change the past and can only affect the future through positive changes, but at times it do ruminate on it and wish things could be different. I need to expand my social support network and where better to look than the old forum that helped me so much in the past.
One more note: I am unemployed and am living on government disability. I haven't worked in four years. I have been told that I have been assigned a caseworker from the local mental health associate but it seems they are very slow in doing things.
