More threads by David Baxter PhD

Karri

Member
She is stable right now, thanks for asking. Still experiencing delusions but much calmer and engaged in day to day life. She is in counseling and follow up with a psychiatrist to manage the medications she is still on. Everyday she gets a little bit better but still anxious in social settings. I keep trying to take it one day at a time and to stay positive.
 
That's good to hear I'm glad she's doing better. She will continue to get better it jus takes a while. If you would like tell her she can email me any time at cwilliams1591[at]mail.com. Sometimes hearing a story similar to your own helps you realize you are not alone and others have dealt with the same problem. I hope she continues to improve. I still have my ups and downs but I sure have come a long way in 8 months
 

Karri

Member
Thank you CWilliams, I will certainly let her know that when she is better able to concentrate. It's weird, she had her first counseling session last night and since that time has had an increase in her paranoid delusions. I have no idea what was discussed and didn't pressure her to tell me. So I don't know if that triggered something but it seems plausible. When she was discharged from the hospital the doc told us she has all the symptoms of schizophrenia but he was only diagnosing her with psychosis at this time. He instructed us to continue her meds, use close observation and intensive therapy for the next 6 months. I took this to mean they will determine a final diagnosis based on how she responds over the next 6 months. They have not been very intensive with the therapy but after yesterday it seems as if that may not be a bad thing right now if this is how she reacts. She still has difficulty concentrating and attending to activities right now. But, she does engage better with us. It's going to take time, I know that.
 
Wow I can't believe how much it has effected her. I feel bad nobody should have to go through something like that. Hopefully they will soon have a better understanding how this drug effects certain people. Maybe the therapy appointment brought out everything she has been going through and that's why she is experiencing the paranoid delusions. And what exactly do you mean by delusions? Is she hearing things or thinking someone is after her or what? I hope she continues to get better and lll continue tto pray for you her and your family.
 

Karri

Member
She has paranoid delusions most of the time, but has had a few grandiose delusions. Those are easier to deal with, the paranoia is the worst. She believes that someone is coming after her, us and even our dogs. She has gotten so bad at times she doesn't want anyone near windows and believes that there is software implanted in her brain so that "they" can see and hear everything she does and says. She has obviously been hearing voices and has also admitted to it both to us and the professionals. She has other symptoms that are clearly indicative of schizophrenia from everything I have read. I have done nothing but read since this started. There's no obvious connection family wise that we are able to trace but she had the drug experimentation. That seems to be a big factor in the things I have read. I initially felt the spice may have caused this, now I believe it just may have brought it all to the forefront. She is clearly in a psychotic state which has now been going on for almost 7 weeks, to our knowledge anyways. It may very well have been going on much longer and we were just not aware. She was clearly hiding some things from us one of them being the fact that she was hearing things. So, it is much more than just the after effects of the drug now. It took me awhile to come to that acceptance. I am sure that's not unusual. Who wants to acknowledge that their child has a mental illness? I still believe the spice contributed to it but I accept the fact that this was probably something that would have shown itself anyways. Either way, I can't blame any one thing or incident. I can't blame anything or anyone to be honest. I had to accept that as well because I laid alot of blame at my own feet for some time. Why didn't I see something sooner, why didn't I do something before I did, why didn't I know that she was in so much distress? I kept asking myself how was it I could not have seen this. I came to realize that she was very good at hiding things and she was afraid. She didn't want anyone to know. It wasn't my fault. But, I still blame myself at times. Why didn't she feel she could come to me with this? Wow, sorry, didn't mean to go off into such detail. I really appreciate your thinking of her and your concern. I know things will get better in time. I have hope and faith and try to stay positive all the time. It doesn't always work out that way but I try. I know that she needs me now more than she ever has and for me to lose my faith and my strength does her no good. I am just happy to know that you are doing better all the time. I think of you as well and keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
 
Wow she definitely is going through a lot. And so are you. I can understand where you put that blame on yourself even though it's not your fault at all. I have given myself such a hard time sincey incident wishing I would have never tried this stupid drug. But I have to tell myself it's not my fault even though yes I did do this drug but how was I supposed to know this would happen. My mom also has put a lot of blame on herself. She is a recovering alcoholic and addict and has history of mental illness as well as my dad. And you were right when you said your daughter would have had to face this eventually. Maybe not to this level but something along the lines of this. My psychiatrist told me that basically what the drug did to me was brought out every insecurity and problem I had mentally and magnified it. I have always dealt with anxiety throughout my life so I can see where this came from.
 

Karri

Member
I am glad to hear that your psychiatrist has a good handle on this. I think that is also a big problem with this drug, the doctors don't know enough and those that do have any knowledge or experience are few and far between. The doctor who treated her in the hospital didn't seem to have much knowledge. All he kept saying was that she didn't look like a drug user and that he didn't think the spice had anything to do with it. Her psychiatrist now in the community was totally honest with us. She said there is not enough information but yet she seemed to at least have some knowledge about it. That kind of reassurred me some. She was also very honest and even positive about things. She gave us all some sense of hope. She didn't make promises but she also didn't give us a sense of doom either. Regardless of all it, this is still a horrible drug and I feel so bad for all the people out there that think its safe because it's legal. Hopefully those that know the truth can convince even one person themselves not to use, then something good can come of all this.
 

ali1368

Member
My son has recently been hospitalized with psychosis. He has spent 4 out of 10 weeks in the psychiatric hospital. He is on 2 antipsychotic medicines, an anti-depressant and something for side effects. He smoked spice and it has been 10 weeks. We don't know if this is temporary psychosis or if something underlying was triggered. He is only 16 years old and I feel like normal life for him is over.
 

Karri

Member
Dear Ali, Do not give up hope. It has been the same for my daughter and about the same duration of time. But, she is getting better all the time. She is still psychotic and delusional but she has more insight and is more aware of what is going on. I understand how difficult it is to see your child going through this as well as all the thoughts that go through your mind because of the different meds used and possible diagnosis. I've been there and had all those same thoughts. It is what it is and we will deal with this just like everything else. I refuse to get hung up on a diagnosis. The doctor told us she has all the symptoms and behaviors of schizophrenia now. I refuse to let that guide us, if that is what it is, then that is what it is. You can read a million and ten things that frighten and horrify you about any diagnosis and only see a handful that give you hope. I firmly believe that nothing worthwhile in this life comes easy. I also firmly believe that with the love and support of family and friends we can accomplish whatever we put our minds to. I am applying that to myself as well as my daughter and her recovery. I will never give up hope nor stop supporting her. I too felt that a normal life was going to be out of reach for my daughter. Now I refuse to let that be a part of my thoughts. I wont let her give up and I wont give up. These things take time. In the beginning I would get down and depressed and want to give up everytime I didn't think she was progressing enough or fast enough. I know myself, I expect things to happen overnight or within days. If nothing else, this whole experience has taught me patience. Patience within my life and god knows tons of patience with my daughter. Never give up hope, never stop trying for that next small achievement, and most of all never let those negative thoughts take over. IT WILL GET BETTER! My bestfriend tells me that everyday. It had reached the point where I waited to hear her say it, now I say it to myself. I don't know if anything I have said helps you but I felt your pain and your need for support in your words. If nothing else, know that I understand exactly how you feel and you are not alone out there. Neither of us are alone out here. There are many others who know and understand our pain. They will support and help you. I will be thinking of you and your son and saying a prayer for you as I do for my daughter everyday. Keep your chin up and stay positive.
 

ali1368

Member
Thank you Karrie. I worry so much about him, this has been so terrifying. When he goes off, he becomes so paranoid that he is a danger to himself and others. At one point he was going to cut the electrical wires coming into the house because the dishwasher was making a strange noise. The saddest thing is that when he first starts to have a relapse he knows it is coming and he is scared. He smoked this stuff because he had been suspended from school, sent to drug classes and needed to be clean for 90 days. He turned to spice because it didn't show up onthe drug tests. Last summer I tried to get him in to see a psycholgist to try to help him get off of drugs and they wouldn't see him until he was drug free for 30 days. His current phychiatrist is retiring and now the only office that I can get him into is the one that refused to see him last summer. This has been so frustrating. Patience is hard, prayers are much needed. Thanks for your response and kind words.
 

Karri

Member
I so understand your pain. When my daughter becomes paranoid it is difficult. Having to watch her in mental torment, knowing what she fears is not real, and not being able to show her she has nothing to fear breaks my heart. We go thru phases, the paranoia lessens and it becomes the self inflated, grandiose delusion, then those lessen and the paranoia increases. It's so hard at times when you can't find a doctor or therapist that is understanding. I have been fortunate thus far with her doctor. She is following up with a female doctor now which helps but the therapist bothered me from the onset. She insulted me and outright lied to me from the first session. I am having difficulty building up any confidence in her but Ive kept my thoughts to myself and not let my daughter know how I feel. I started keeping a journal of her behaviors and day to day responses to the meds. I write on the computer and print it out for her doctor so I did the same with the therapist. She came at me as if I were "keeping secrets" from my daughter. I couldn't fathom why she would take it that way or come at me with that attitude. I've spoken with my daughter about it and explained why I do the journaling, that it's not secretive and she stated that she understood. Plus, it helped me to feel useful when it came to her care. That really is the hardest part..feeling hopeless and helpless. You want so badly to make it all better and you can't. It helps me to feel useful as well as identify patterns of what might increase her agitation or paranoia. Thankfully she has been cooperative with most of her care. We did also have some issues for awhile with her attempting to leave the house at odd hours, once during a bad snow storm, another at 4:30 in the morning and we had no idea she was gone. We found her wandering in front of the high school a mile down the road. That terrified me beyond belief. I kept thinking what if someone tried to pick her up, would she in her mental state, get in the car with a stranger? So now we bought little home alarms from the hardware store. They attach to the door and doorjamb, you can turn them on and off. They alert us if the door is opened. There are so many things that frighten and worry you on a daily basis. But, you have to take one day at a time. IT WILL GET BETTER!
 
Hi karri, how is your daughter doing? Is she getting better or showing improvement? I still think about you and her daily and continue to pray for you guys.

Ali how is your son doing?

I've been getting better. This past week was a little tough for some reason I had an onset of bad anxiety and no idea where it was coming from. But it has subsided and I'm doing a lot better
 

Karri

Member
Thank you so much for asking. She is doing amazingly well.

We have been faithfully taking the meds, attending therapy sessions and seeing the psychiatrist now for over 3 months. She is now beginning to ask "real" questions about these events and is becoming more reality oriented. She told me the other day that she really feels it was all related to the spice use. Her psychiatrist has her diagnosed but I am still unclear on what exactly. I only found this out from the social worker who initiated a social security application on her behalf. He mentioned bipolar, schizoaffective and schizophrenia, stating he wasn't sure, or perhaps he didn't want to be the one to officially give us the diagnosis. We will discuss this further with her doc on next visit.

At that time, of the SS application, she really started to ask more questions and became fearful over the mention of schizophrenia. This seemed to be the major factor that tipped her over into reality. If that makes sense. She began to question everything. She is talking to me alot more about what has been going on in her mind, the things she was thinking and most of all what the "voices" were telling her. She says that she does not believe she is schizophrenic but that the spice caused all of this. I keep stressing to her that it may also be that the meds are really working now.

She did state that she wants to keep taking them because she doesn't want to go through that again. I want her to understand that we can't just stop them because she feels better and I truly believe she accepts and understands this. I now know that there were a few traumatic events that occurred around the same time as the drug use so they contributed as well. But, overall, I am very optimistic. She is even starting to take a little bit of responsibility with her medication. I still make sure they are taken and set them up in a daily pill container. We discuss regularly the importance of no more experimentation with drugs and getting things out with her therapist. She has been very agreeable and cooperative with everything. She is even getting out again with some of her friends and family, leaving the house. She is doing so much better in public, not having anxiety amongst strangers or becoming overstimulated. That has been a huge step forward for her. She was so crippled by her anxiety and paranoia, not to mention any stimulation of any kind.

She is reading books and listening to music again also which were some of her favorite activities. I tried several times to get her to write as well and she is doing that now also. What about I don't know and I don't ask. I just told her to try it and that perhaps it would help her to put things down in writing that she could look at later and maybe see in a different light. I try not to be too nosy but after the past 3 months its hard lol.

I really appreciate your concern and thank you so much for all your helpful insights and encouragement. This space has been a haven and such a support to me since this all started. I've found a few other support groups and though they have been helpful, this is the first place I came to and it has been the best source of comfort, information and has put me into contact with many wonderful people such as yourself. Thank you again for all your help and concern.
 

ali1368

Member
My son is doing better as far as the psychosis is concerned. He is on medication and it is working, however, he insists on smoking marijuana and the psychitrist has warned him that a mental break could happen and the psychosis could be permanent. He is seeing a psychologist that is doing absolutely no good. He is so defiant that he doesn't want to be told what to do. I would think that he would be scared to death of the consequences.
I appreciate your asking and hope that you feel better. If you have any suggestions I would welcome them.
 
I'm sorry this happened to your son. My son has been psychotic since last October, after smoking spice. You already know for your son to continue to smoke spice or any kind of weed is very bad for him at this point. I think I read your son is only 16? Does he go to school? What state are you in? Is synthetic marijuana not illegal in your state? If your son has recovered enough to comprehend and understand things, I'll be glad to send you a link to my son's blog. His life has been ruined and I have no idea if he will ever recover. My son is 27 years old, was working a full time job and going to college. Instead of graduating with his degree next month, he is pacing around our swimming pool, talking to himself most days. This is such a terrible, terrible thing. I would do everything I could to keep your son away from these substances. If he has recovered, he is one of the lucky ones. Many never do. Good luck!
 

ali1368

Member
We live in Maryland, one of the few states that spice is still sold. Every time they ban one kind, the chemical compound is change and it is sold under a different name. My son has been suspended from his school until next January. We are looking into other options for his education now. For now he is still funtioning but he is playing with fire and doesn't seem to worry. I would love a link to your son's blog. Is your son on medication? If so isn't it helping? My son had to try several combinations of medications before it worked. It's so sad to hear of people ruining their lives with this stuff.
 
Oh man, that is terrible it's not been banned in your state yet. Is their legislation pending? Individual counties can also ban it. I went round and round with my county about it. They were selling it in several stores here and this is a college town so it was really bad news. Our Governor only signed the law banning it a couple of weeks ago when another young man here passed away after smoking it. I don't know if you are on facebook but I'm on a couple of groups there that post about the laws, issues and other things regarding the use of spice and they have been a lot of support to me. It's amazing when you start talking to people how many lives this poison has affected. I haven't updated my son's blog in awhile because there hasn't been a change in his condition and it's just depressing to even write in it. I will update in a couple of days though.

My son is on several medications and they brought him out of the horrific psychotic state he went into that landed him in the mental hospital for two months but he is far from recovered. I'm actually considering residental care for him now and it's breaking my heart.
 

paul d

Member
I accidentally smoked spice for the first time exactly a week ago from today.

I had a beer from a six pack of mine and was offered some "marijuana". Now, I have heard all the horror stories with spice and never wanted anything to do with it, so, when I took a hit from a pipe "bowl" (really big hit) it tasted nothing like marijuana and irritated my lungs in a completely different way. With marijuana, when i start coughing, i instantly get high, but not with this stuff. after a few minutes i started to feel high, but it was different than the high of marijuana. it had similarities from a visual standpoint, but was missing a lot of qualities from a mental standpoint that marijuana offers and that are good qualities. for instance, i can get really focused on something, or talk forever about an intresting topic. with the spice high, things werent really interesting. i had no interest to even think about the the things i was passionate about. also, when i smoke marijuana, cigerette smoke has a different smell to it, i didnt get that smell either.

after around 15 mins i felt a little anxiety so i started to drink another beer. the anxiety was comming in and out in waves. i thought i would drink a few more beers and it would go away, but ended up getting worse. by my last beer my mind was out of control. i had no control over my thoughts and they were racing along with my thoughts. i tried as hard as i can to collect myself and take control of the situation, but when the waves of, what i call insanity rolled in, there was nothing i can do besides constantly remind myself that it will eventually go away. the thoughts were negative depressing, scary thoughts for the most part. my mind was filled with confusion also. but i was still able to look like i was fine to everyone else. the intensity kept increasing with every wave.

i got in my car and took off. i was able to drive fine but then i started to see beems of light from the corner of my eye and as i came up to red light (very slowly) i couldnt judge the distance or where i should stop for it(small back road no other cars around) so i pulled onto the shoulder and started contemplating whether i should call an ambulance. my mind is out of control, my heart is pumping out of control, and i'm starting to hallucinate. the hallucinations never got past lasers shooting from the corner of my eyes. i had a break from the intensity because how it comes in waves, and startred driving again. then i started having thoughts of me crashing and dying. i even had thoughts that i was going to turn the wheel into a forest. my mind was torturing me. then as the waves came in and out they were losing intensity, and started becoming more controllable, and it was getting easier to calm myself down, until at once, it just completely went away. almost like turning a light switch on or off. i cant explain the relief i felt. so i ended up driving all the way home.

when i got home i felt as it didnt even happen. i felt fine but was wore out, and my voice was lost like i was yelling all day even though i barely talked the whole night. i went to sleep easily and woke up fine, but i didnt feel 100%. i felt a little shooken up by it. 2 days later i go to have a beer to calm my nerves a little and i have a panic attack when i get a 1/4 way down. i felt like i didnt know what to do with myself. i have never had a panic attack before this spice garbage, so i poured out the beer and started excercising to drain some energy. it took me 4 hours to calm down, excercising the whole time. i ended up going to the ER as i was worried the effects might come back. the doctor had experience with this and assured me the panic attacks would go away and the alcohol was what made my experience worse. she says the alcohol doesnt allow the drug to break down and actually intensifies the effects. i ended up going home feeling great and took 2 benadryl for sleep. woke up fine. the next day i felt a little worse and had a hard time going to sleep. i finally got myself to sleep and woke up in the middle of the night with a panic attack. went back to the ER, had a bunch of tests done, and got prescribed .5 milligram alprozolam which helped me tremendously. but i was still waking up with small panic attacks and some depression, but would go away quickly. and i felt almost back to 100% throughout the day.

yesterday the anxiety/panic was almost not there when i woke up. and i woke up today with absaloutly no anxiety, panic or depression, and i feel 100% back to normal. exactly 7 days. thank god because i thought for sure i was gonna be on psych meds for a long time or even the rest of my life because of this spice garbage. although anything can happen, my mind feels as stable and strong as it did before i even smoked it.

i also have confidence that the other people and their children will recover. some will take longer than others. it depends on how much the have smoked and how long. i only took one big hit and it took me a week!

any stores that sell this should be boycotted. this poison is the worst drug i have ever done by a long shot and can be purchased at some gas stations. ridiculous!
 
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ali1368

Member
You are very lucky. This stuff is really scary. Unfortunately, kids never think it will happen to them. I'm glad you feel better, I think my son will eventually recover too. I would like to have him speak to his peers at school about this, he had a friend in the ER for smoking spice. The kid was in a coma, came out and it must have done something to his brain because he had something like Turrets syndrome. I'm not sure if that ever went away. This is the future of our country.
 

paul d

Member
i have been doing alot of research on this, even spoke with poison control a few times. poison control has stated that alot of the spice today is being mixed with bath salts which make the recovery alot longer and worse. i tried to get as many professional opinions as i can. my doctor said alcohol makes it worse and i strongly believe this from my experience. although one of the people i spoke with from poison control disagreed(the others i spoke with didnt know), but he said he wasn't positive either. from everything i have collected though, it looks as though most recover. i have read stories that it took people a year before they started to feel normal again. and i have read stories of people developing ocd after smoking this. one guy says he cant stop eating vasaline, even though it tastes terrible to him. as i mentioned in my previous post, i have faith your children will recover with time. i hope for the best for all of you that have sons and daughters that are still recovering. keep us posted of their recovery. i will be doing more research and will post my findings.
 
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