Normal?

[so-faraway]

Is it normal for me (15) to feel so depressed all the time? I can never get close to anyone at school or, if i do, then i ruin the relationship because i am so freaking obsessive about them. I've gone to the point where I look people up on the internet to find more about them and then when i'll ask them questions and when they won't tell me, i feel like they're betraying me. I try not to, but I know they're doing it because they don't trust me. I go to being severly depressed (spending all my time in my room, just listening to music) to, at best, being somewhat social. I'm so hypersensitive and irritable. Last month I felt like killing people, anyone(relative or not), who was annoying me in the slightest. then i thought...well what's the worst thing I could do to them? oh i know, kill myself. It would leave them feeling like crap and then they would know how i felt. I'm so horribly selfish and just crappy.

This month is okay. I'm not as hostile...yet i managed to ruin a friendship anyways. I know I'm going to end up all alone and I don't know if that freaks the crap out of me, or if I'm totally okay with that. (It changes). So, maybe there is nothing wrong with me and I'm just a normal teen, but i'd just like some help or a different perspective...

 

[Diana]

Fifteen can be a really tough age. I think that high school is a time when many people have feelings of depression and not knowing where they belong or who they should be. Society tends to portray high school as being the best time of your life, but when you consider everything that you're experiencing (mentally, physically, socially) and the fact that you're kind of stuck in the middle between being a child and an adult, it's no wonder that teenagers struggle.
Although you're not alone, I think you should definitely consider talking to someone about your feelings. I think that many people could have had benefits from therapy in their younger years if they would have gone. Also, it sounds like your feelings are getting in the way of your life in general and your happiness. That is definitely a reason to seek some kind of therapy. Many people don't look for help, but that doesn't mean that they shouldn't.
Are there any counsellors at your school who you could talk to in private? If so, they might be able to lead you in the right direction of a therapist if you need further help. I was never the type of person to take advantage of the guidence counsellors, but now I kind of wish that I had when I was in high school. They're free and you have easy access to them. If you don't know about them is there a teacher who you feel comfortable talking to? He/she should be able to give you some info about the school's services.
Those are just some suggestions.

 

[so-faraway]

Than you so much for your advice...
I may consider talking to someone but it sounds like i'm screwed until I get older. Not a big shocker, but I just wish i could do something that would make me better. Thanks again.

 

[Diana]

Many older people feel "screwed" also. Like I said, many young people could benefit from getting some kind of psychological therapy, but often don't do it because they feel it makes them abnormal. I think you just have a lot of feelings right now that you're confused about. It doesn't make those feelings wrong, it's just that you don't know where they're coming from and how to deal with them. I know it's difficult to seek help, but like I said, talking to a counsellor at school might be your best bet. It's free and it should be confidential.

 

[Eunoia]

'normal' is one of those words that can mean so many things... but I don't think it means that you are 'bound' to feel depressed and experience all these emotions just b/c you're a teenager. Diana is right- you should go talk to your school counsellor, just to even get an idea of the kind of feedback someone can give you about these things and have someone to talk to and listen. At my h/s many people didn't take advantage of the counsellors we had, some didn't even know who they were. I knew them for one reason or another and it helped a whole lot to be able to talk to someone once in a while, b/c as I said, they can listen & be objective so you don't have to worry about what they might think about you or hurting their feelings etc. And they generally have some kind of ideas or suggestions to help you... but it's definitely an 'underused' resource, one that could give you that 'different perspective' that you want.

 

[Diana]

Another plus to the counsellors is that they talk to students about how to manage their classes and what classes they should take, etc. You could tell other people that you're seeing a counsellor because you're thinking about changing your schedule or something like that.

 

[prayerbear]

"Normal is just a setting on your dryer." Variety adds a spice to life!

Miss ex-clean

 

[Mari]

H! miss ex-clean. Since you opened this post again I will continue with just some things I am thinking about. Normal is not

just a setting on your dryer

Normal can be a very good place to be providing it is the normal that you want for yourself.

Three years ago today a dear friend of our family died - he was just fifteen years old - the ripples of sadness spread over his family and friends. He was not feeling well and lay down for a rest - it was determined he died from an undiagnosed heart ailment. We try not to be sad on Halloween because he gave such joy when he was alive. I think it is good to see a doctor and a therapist if you are not feeling well. ❤️ Mari