NPD boyfriend

[Lulu]

Hello. I am in my late 40's and live in Canada. I have recently been dumped by my boyfriend of well over a year. (Earlyish 50's). He made me feel absolutely wonderful. Loved, adored, beautiful, sexy, secure, (Baby, I'll never cheat or leave you....etc. etc. blah blah blah. I've never been with any woman like you. You are different than anyone else, yadda,yadda,yadda.) Same lines as well as many others repeated over and over. Scripted and practised for many years, no doubt. At approx. the one year date, I tightened my purse strings somewhat and started suggesting he might contribute some liquor when he came over. As I look back now, this is when he slowly started getting callous, nasty, agitated and (my personal favorite) the hissy fit. I stumbled upon NPD, NBP, PNPD while searching and my jaw dropped. He matched 8 out of 10 traits to a tee. We did not live together as he was never responsible enough.(Yay me). Much more to tell but too long. Anyone else out there been in this exhausting situation?

 

[NicNak]

:hithere: Lulu :welcome: to Psychlinks!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Welcome to Psychlinks, Lulu. We have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder forum here that you might want to browse.

 

[Daniel E.]

:welcome2:

 

[Eye Stigmata]

:welcome:

 

[Lulu]

Not one soul should have cause to hurt, fail or shed one tear under the same circumstances as mine. The experience is a far cry from growth.

 

[white page]

Hi Lulu, a big welcome to the forum


I think that maybe you thought that Eye stigmata was responding to your hurt with that phrase

~*~Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow, we must fail in order to know, sometimes our vision is clear, only after our eyes are washed away with tears~*~

that is her signature, she was however giving you a big welcome

I'm sorry you ever met this guy, but heck what luck that you never lived with him

We did not live together as he was never responsible enough

 

[Lulu]

Thanks WP. I noticed after I posted. And re: your signature. Is cause an excuse for behavior?

 

[white page]

I think we are allowed to be rude to folk who are obnoxious,
A lovely person I know, who struggles with a disorder wrote that phrase, life is not at all easy for her, yet she is never, never inappropriately rude.

 

[Lulu]

I agree with inappropriately. Although often enough, the obnoxious stealth types appear to be innocent victims while the offended are deemed aggressive and out of control. (Obnox-stealth always knows when to administer the final blow then sit back and watch the victim explode.) I learned this manouver a little too late. Thanks for listening.

 

[white page]

the obnoxious stealth types appear to be innocent victims while the offended are deemed aggressive and out of control.

That I have known in work colleagues, and
it is so manipulative, the narcissist seems always to put themselves in the offended party role, grrrr.

 

[Lulu]

Ditto...Grrrrr.

 

[forgetmenot]

welcome Lulu

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

:2thumbs: Good for you that you noticed his behaviour and not only that, but some people are so desperate for a relationship they will keep making excuses for the person abusing them... Like "Oh he's just having a bad day," or worse, "I must have done something wrong to make him behave that way," or "He can't help it because (insert excuse here)." So obviously you are strong enough not to accept that sort of behaviour, and it sounds like you make really good choices in relationships. Some of us aren't as well-equipped, so it makes me feel great that you got the heck out of that relationship before things might have escalated. *high fives*

My experience was the opposite, I stayed. I eventually got manipulated out of friends and family, more isolated, got criticized constantly for several things (weight, looks, clothing, eating habits) and even was threatened a couple of times physically, but I ended up harming my self a couple of times (misdirected anger) like I used to do with my mother. I learned to be passive and that it was okay to stay with an abuser from my dad. So he is as much to blame as my mom (who is the narcissistic one).

So once again, I can't relay how proud I am of you!