More threads by David Baxter PhD

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
I've just learned about this website in British Columbia called GriefworksBC. Among other things, it has an extensive collection of articles on grief for children, teens, and adults -- well worth visiting.
 

ThatLady

Member
That's a very comprehensive site! I want to take the time to really read all the articles and poems. However, at first glance it looks like an invaluable tool for those who are suffering a loss (or losses) and cannot reach out for professional help.
 
from How long does this grief journey last? (Griefworks BC)
It's hard to grieve alone. The main reason is because grieving is telling the story of the loss. If you don't have other people to tell the story to, it's hard to move along the grief journey.
is it impossible to move on if you can't tell your story? or is it just significantly delayed?
 

Halo

Member
BBC

While I don't know much about grief my first reaction to what you wrote was to say that I don't think that it is impossible to move on if you can't tell your story but yes I do think that it will much harder to move past and come to a place of acceptance. Again like I said I don't know much about grief but one thing that I do know is that Nothing Is Impossible.

Take Care
:hug:
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
You can tell your story to yourself, I guess. I'm not sure it's essential that you talk to someone else about your grief. I think it helps for many people. But you can tell your story to the one(s) you've lost, or to your journal, or to God.
 
it's been said before that you cannot heal completely; that the loss will always be there in some form. how do you learn to live with a loss when you know it could have been avoided? how do you make peace with it? i just want the hurt to go away.
 

Halo

Member
BBC

I don't know if this will help but I found reading this article helpful for me:

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/showthread.php?t=5426

I think the part that really struck a chord with me was this:

A final thought

But someday again, the sun will shine. The day will seem brighter, and your life will go on, even if it'll never be quite the same.

Hope this helps.
Take care
:hug:
 

ThatLady

Member
The severity of the pain of loss lessens over time. The time it takes is different for different people, and for different circumstances surrounding the loss. However, David is right. You can tell of your grief through written words, spoken words, thoughts, prayers ... any way that works for you. You can do so as often as you need to do so. There are, in many areas, groups that meet to discuss grieving and share what each learn through his/her own grieving process.

While the loss will always be there, the pain will not always be as acute. If you work at it, good memories will take precedence. While the memory of the loss will always be with you, the good memories you have of the lost loved one will help to mitigate the pain. In cases of complicated grieving (intractable and chronic), therapy can help one find the necessary coping mechanisms to get past the bad parts and move on with one's life.
 
i am finding it hard to write or tell the story. it feels like this will never go away, because i made a choice, and it turned out to be the wrong one. i just didn't quite see it at the time. i want to fix it and it cannot be fixed.
 

just mary

Member
Hi bbc,

I think the best thing to do would be to make peace with yourself and God (if you're inclined). I don't think you have to tell anyone your story, like you said, it can't be fixed - so no one else can fix it. I'm not sure what choice you made; but at the time, I'm sure it was the best one you could make. Just try to be at peace with yourself - you did the best you could with the circumstances.

Take care,

jm
 
thanks for the replies. i just need to trust that things will get better, somehow. that i'll make peace with it somehow.
 

Halo

Member
BBC

I think that we have all been in a situation where we have made a choice and it has ended up to be the wrong one. Sometimes it can be fixed and other times it cannot. The big question is whether we keep beating ourselves up over the choice that we made. Sometimes we make a choice with the knowledge that we have on hand at that particular time for specific reasons and it is only after the fact when we have a clearer mind and understanding of the situation and of ourselves can we see that maybe it was not the best choice for us. Hindsight is great. BBC, please do not keep beating yourself up over a choice that you made that cannot be fixed. It was something that you obviously felt that you needed to do for yourself at a specific time in your life for a certain reason. If you really feel like you need to get your story out then maybe try writing it to no one in particular, just writing.

I think that there isn't anyone on this forum that can't say that they haven't made a choice that they haven't looked back on a wished that they made a different one. It is a part of life and learning.

Take care
:hug:
 
by Joseph Campbell

We must be willing to get rid of
the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed
before the new one can come.
 
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