Opening Up

[gooblax]

I really, honestly tried to talk about things today, and still my therapist says I?m not being open enough. I took a notepad so I could write down something that I knew was important for me to say. That was the only part of it that was ?good enough? for him.

I. Tried. To. Say. Things. :hissyfit: :rant2:

The barrier that blocks me from talking about stuff also blocks me from even thinking about that stuff when other people are around. It?s not as simple as ?choosing? to talk about it. In emails, sure ? then it is that simple. But in person, it certainly doesn?t seem to be that simple? not if I would feel anything about what I would be saying.

So we then tried to talk about why I have trouble being open. That went a bit better, but still all I can really think about is how rubbish I felt about everything at 30 mins into the session.

 

[NicNak]

I really, honestly tried to talk about things today, and still my therapist says I?m not being open enough. I took a notepad so I could write down something that I knew was important for me to say. That was the only part of it that was ?good enough? for him.

This is a huge step Gooblax. It is great it was good enough for him, as it showed you were making many efforts to try to open up.

The barrier that blocks me from talking about stuff also blocks me from even thinking about that stuff when other people are around. It?s not as simple as ?choosing? to talk about it. In emails, sure ? then it is that simple. But in person, it certainly doesn?t seem to be that simple? not if I would feel anything about what I would be saying.

It isn't easy, but I am so proud of you for all the efforts you are making Gooblax. Taking the note pad, writing the email the other day. Those are awsome accomplishments! :support:

So we then tried to talk about why I have trouble being open. That went a bit better,

I am glad this was brought up in your discussion Gooblax. I am glad the session went a bit better afterwards.

but still all I can really think about is how rubbish I felt about everything at 30 mins into the session.

I know it is easy for me to say, on the outside, but try to focus on how well you did Gooblax.

The last 30 minutes of your session should be what you base things on. After you discussed why you were having a hard time opening up, it helped and you were able to talk better.

Your next session might build further on this, making it easier again. :support:

I am proud of you Gooblax. :flowers:

 

[littlepieces]

I really, honestly tried to talk about things today, and still my therapist says I?m not being open enough. I took a notepad so I could write down something that I knew was important for me to say. That was the only part of it that was ?good enough? for him.

I. Tried. To. Say. Things. :hissyfit: :rant2:

The barrier that blocks me from talking about stuff also blocks me from even thinking about that stuff when other people are around. It?s not as simple as ?choosing? to talk about it. In emails, sure ? then it is that simple. But in person, it certainly doesn?t seem to be that simple? not if I would feel anything about what I would be saying.

So we then tried to talk about why I have trouble being open. That went a bit better, but still all I can really think about is how rubbish I felt about everything at 30 mins into the session.

Hi Gooblax,
Glad to hear that you are really trying to open up and taking a notepad along worked.
I agree talking in person is a lot harder than writing it down in an e-mail. Maybe you could e-mail your T before your session with your thoughts, saving the awkwardness of saying it in person?
I can really empathize with getting stuck just thinking how rubbish your feeling about how the session has gone(its very hard to stop I know)!, but try and give yourself some credit as you made good progress by taking a notebook along :jiggy:
Well done
littlepieces

 

[Jazzey]

Ditto Gooblax. I think you made some good efforts here. I hope you won't see this as defeat... :hug: :hug:

 

[gooblax]

Thanks guys.

My T doesn't even seem to think I'm trying. Maybe I'm not - maybe I'm just... defective. I don't understand anything, nothing we talked about is going to help me to change anything, and it's my fault because I can't even do something as simple as saying a couple of sentences.

 

[Jazzey]

:hug: :hug: You're being awfully hard on yourself Gooblax....

 

[gooblax]

I'm just judging this based on how I felt about what my therapist said.

 

[littlepieces]

I'm just judging this based on how I felt about what my therapist said.

HI Gooblax
It's probably just your therapist's way of getting you to say a bit more, I am sure if you told him how hard you are finding it he would understand a bit more and not be so hard on you. I know if my T said I was not trying hard enough I would probably just walkout (I am not advising that!)Good on you for taking it!
Sorry your struggling so much at the moment :support:
littlepieces

 

[Into The Light]

you really worked hard at it gooblax and i am so proud of you for it! :hug::hug:

i think next time it would be good if you could bring this up with him - how you feel about him saying you're not trying hard enough. maybe even just email what you've written here to him if that's easier.

do you feel comfortable enough with this therapist? do you feel safe enough? or do you view him as another authority figure in your life?

 

[HBas]

Hey Gooblax,

It all sounds SO VERY COMPLICATED ... having issues to work - seeking help and that situation creates even more issues ... Never for one second going to pretend to know half a measure of what you are going through BUT I want you to know that you trying so hard seems awesome. You have a problem and seem DEAD SET on solving it and getting past it. That's the only way ... All the best - I am sure you will succeed because of your determination.

HB

 

[amastie]

...do you feel comfortable enough with this therapist? do you feel safe enough? or do you view him as another authority figure in your life?

.. as a *safe* authority figure?

If you are scared to open out to others to begin with, Gooblax, is seeing this particular therapist making that job harder for you?

 

[Jazzey]

Maybe I'm not - maybe I'm just... defective. I don't understand anything, nothing we talked about is going to help me to change anything, and it's my fault because I can't even do something as simple as saying a couple of sentences.

..this is what I was referring to G, when I said this morning you were being hard on yourself. I have a difficult time thinking that your T would have said (or even thought) any of these harsh criticisms - you're imposing them on yourself...

Now, on to some solutions for the next time:

1. Good step on bringing the notepad - next step: Use that notepad throughout the month to write down:a) your thoughts; b) how those thoughts make you feel; c) make sure both the positives and negatives are included and d) any and all questions you may have for him next time. Keep writing on that notepad.

2. Closer to your next session - make a bulleted list of all the issues that have arisen over the month that you feel are really important to discuss and, make sure they're in order of priority.

If you feel more comfortable - send him that bulleted list prior to the appointment. Otherwise, keep it until the appointment and right before the session begins - hand it over. Tell him these are the issues you want to discuss and ask him if can lead the discussion on each of these.

Just a suggestion G. I still think you've made progress here. We can be pretty hard on ourselves sometimes when we don't accomplish what we thought we would. So please, don't read too much into your T's comments..

couple of these too! :hug::hug: & :airkiss:

G - found this older thread that expresses some of the same points you were making here so I thought I'd give it to you (maybe it'll make you feel better about your sessions?) - Therapist - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum

 

[Lana]

I agree with all that your appointment was a success, dispite your thinking to the contrary. However, I'd like to play devils advocate here and ask you a pointed (and a tad blunt) question:

It much easier for us to stay in our comfort zone rather then learning and applying something new. When I say "comfort zone" I don't mean it makes you comfortable. It means it's something you know well since you're always dealing with it. Having said that...you're so stuck in your zone, G. So much so, you've even managed to convince yourself that you know what others mean or think when they speak. Yet....if you're asked to open up, you buck and trip and stumble. That in itself is not the problem. Probme is that when someone calls you on it, you get angry at the messenger and cater to your unwillingness to push yourself past the boundaries you've set up for yourself. In essence, you protect that inability and any issues associated with it (i.e. your comfort zone). YOu take that a step futher to shift "blame" on the person nudging you to move forward, by throwing up your defences. The question I have is, what is your goal with regards to going to therapy? What are you willing to do? How far are you willing to push yourself?

 

[Jazzey]

The question I have is, what is your goal with regards to going to therapy? What are you willing to do? How far are you willing to push yourself?

...Good questions Lana. And probably applicable to many of us :blush:

 

[gooblax]

Thanks for the input everyone.

I'm currently feeling too defensive to respond appropriately, but just wanted to add:

It’s how he said it that made me angry.

“I don’t have a magic wand,” “I can’t fix you,” “I’m not going to force you to talk to me - if that’s what you’re looking for, you’re not going to get it,” “you’re waiting for me to make you talk somehow, and that’s just not going to happen…”

That felt like a lecture, and my reaction to lectures is to shut down and get a bit angry with the lecturer, and a lot angry at myself.

 

[Jazzey]

Here with you G. I tend to shut down at lectures too. Just remember that you're the 'captain' of that ship. Even though he may not have been as sensitive as you needed him to be at that particular time (and trust me - I understand) - I think that's the lesson to take away from it.

Sometimes people can be a little insensitive G. I'm not saying it's ok. But if you're strong within yourself, you can "spot them" a mile away. And then, maybe, take a life lesson from it...From what you've said here tonight, that would be my approach. I would want to prove him wrong (yes - a little pigheaded at times).

So here's a question I think Amastie asked earlier: Are you still comfortable with this T? If you're not, it may be time to find someone else. If you are and you appreciate that he may also be a little frustrated - can you try and prove him wrong?

By the way - I would call him on those words. That would be the first order of priority for the next session:

1) I felt very defensive about what you said the last time - particularly since I felt that I had put some effort into it;
2) can you please explain why you said those things to me?
3) When I come to you, what do you hope to see?
4) I'm someone who tends to shut down when I get defensive. Your words during the last session made me feel shut down. Can we still work together?
5) I sometimes feel that you're frustrated with me? Is there any credence to this feeling? If there is, should you be referring me to someone else?

And again G - not necessarily in that order- it has to be your order of priority....:hug: :friends:

 

[white page]

and a lot angry at myself.

On the contrary , you should be proud of yourself that you went ,that however difficult it was for you , you tried . Use that anger , (which is very positive ), to channel it into , "Okay I will get there , he is there to help me, to provoke me into unblocking myself . "
it is you who has the magic wand , I'm proud of you that you went Gooblax.
I know how very difficult it is for you .:support::heart:

 

[Jazzey]

:goodposting::agree:

 

[littlepieces]

HI G,
I agree with Jazzey (good post) You should talk to him about how his lecture made you feel...Know I would not be able to take being spoken to like that, so you did well for staying put. Maybe after speaking to T about your concerns it might be better to look for someone else you feel more comfortable working with, maybe someone who won't lecture you, but then again if you manage to speak about how defensive it makes you he might change tack?
Thinking of you.:dimples:
littlepieces

 

[Into The Light]

that sounds tough. i wasn't there so i don't know in what way those things were said to you, but i can certainly understand that the message is upsetting.

he may be getting just as frustrated as you are. or maybe not, i really can't tell from here. he may be guessing at what he thinks is going on - maybe he's thinking that you are waiting for him to make you talk somehow and that is why he said what he did. if this is the impression he has of you, then it's your job to somehow get him to understand that this isn't what's going on, but what really is going on.

i agree with jazzey. next time you see him, tell him how his words made you feel. i know this is hard, but it really is the next step to take. we support you 100% of the way. don't be hard on yourself over this. therapy is hard work and you are doing the best you can right now, and that is what counts.