Out of answers

[cutter74]

Well as I reported in a previous topic I had started taking this medication revia which was supposed to block the high I got from self harming, and It may have done that however it did not take away my urge to want to do it.
I saw my doctor today and we both agreed that this medication was doing no good, I feel like this was my last hope and now that it has failed I feel like I'm never going to stop self harming.
It's like It ownes me and I don't know what else to do, combine that with the fact my doctor says he dosen't know what else he can do for me he said his last answer was the revia.
I asked if there were any programs in ottawa that could help me but he said no, which pisses me off I live in a city that has a psych hospital and yet no help or programs for self harmers.
Anyway I feel lost pissed off and confused and fearful about what my future has in store thanks for listening.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

What other medications have you tried, cutter?

 

[Heather]

It is so hard when you want to stop self harming and can't I am there at the moment I know I want to stop but I don't know how to. I have tried to focus my energy to other things like I was told to do but it doesn't seem to be working. I hope that you can find some sort of helpful strategies for this.

Heather...

 

[Banned]

I wonder what the flip side is for people who DON'T want to stop SIing but of course their therapist wants them to.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I suppose it is to stop therapy. But that isn't really a solution, of course. Isn't that part of the reason you're in therapy to begin with?

 

[Banned]

Well, yes - I know it's not healthy, but I'm not at a point where I even want to stop SIing. How do I create the desire to want to stop? I've asked my therapist this question many a time, and he's at a loss to answer it.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

BG: What was the reason you started therapy, if it wasn't about stopping SI? What (other) issues are you and your therapist working on?

Cutter: It sounds as though you are only working with your family doctor. Is that correct? If so, medications can help but are rarely if ever the whole answer. Do you have the resources for a private therapist?

 

[Banned]

Dr. Baxter,

How I started in therapy is a bit of an odd story. My therapist was my friend. He's also a priest. I was supposed to enter the convent on August 28th (this Sunday). I asked him (back in February) if I could talk to him about a couple things before I left. He, being a friend, said - sure! So I started talking to him, and it snowballed, and he strongly advised against entering the convent at this time. That's how I started therapy. He is a chartered psychologist (Ph.D) so it is definitely therapy and not spiritual direction.

He's known for a long time about the cutting - it was one of the first things I ever told him, because at that point he didn't know me, so it was safe. If he freaked out, I didn't have to ever see him again. We've never really addressed it in therapy, except from time to time he says "I really need it to stop". But it's not a focus and we haven't built goals or anything around it. He's been gone all summer - we haven't met since June, but I did send him quite a detailed email and said that I think we need to focus on this more. So I guess we'll see - but one of my frustrations I guess is that I don't even have a desire to stop. It's a self-rewarding behavior, so I guess I have to create the desire before I can work on the actual stopping of it.

 

[Banned]

Oops - I only half answered your question. I'm working on issues like self-worth, sexuality (I think sex is gross), past abuse, all your "usual" stuff. But I always feel like we're dabbling on the surface not getting any deeper.

Let me ask you - is it "normal" - whatever that means - to feel absolutely nothing in therapy? By that I mean, when I do speak of issues that should be painful or cause me to break down, I speak in almost clinical terms and feel absolutely nothing. I don't know how to "feel" anything...maybe that's part of going "deeper". I don't know. And then I get mad at myself for not "giving more" so I go home and cut.

Do you ask your cutters to show you their wounds? I've read conflicting stuff on that - some think it's a good idea, others say it's the worst thing to do. I read Cutting - Understanding and Overcoming Self Mutilation by Levenkron; he always asks to see his cutters wounds, and his reasons make sense.

Now I'm babbling...thinking out loud...how can ya tell I've been without a therapist for awhile

 

[Retired]

Cutter:

I asked if there were any programs in ottawa that could help me but he said no, which pisses me off I live in a city that has a psych hospital and yet no help or programs for self harmers

Support groups are usually run by volunteers, the very people who are afflicted with a particular disorder. Your local mental health facility may help you get a group together, but a support group needs an enthusiastic, interested organizer.

You may want to look into forming such a group in cooperation with your therapist who may know of other people in Ottawa needing similar support.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I understand. I think the email was a good idea. He can help you look at the SI from a costs-benefits point of view....

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Oops - I only half answered your question. I'm working on issues like self-worth, sexuality (I think sex is gross), past abuse, all your "usual" stuff. But I always feel like we're dabbling on the surface not getting any deeper.

Let me ask you - is it "normal" - whatever that means - to feel absolutely nothing in therapy? By that I mean, when I do speak of issues that should be painful or cause me to break down, I speak in almost clinical terms and feel absolutely nothing. I don't know how to "feel" anything...maybe that's part of going "deeper". I don't know. And then I get mad at myself for not "giving more" so I go home and cut.

The fact that you don't "feel anything" is of course part of the reason you cut. It's not really that you don't feel anything... it's more that you don't allow yourself to feel anything. The feelings are there and they need to get out somehow. SI is how you let them out, get them out.

Do you ask your cutters to show you their wounds?

No. Personally, I don't think that's either relevant or helpful. My guess is that it would either irritate or embarass most people and that is not what I am trying to do in a therapy session (or at least not very often).

 

[Banned]

Dr. Baxter -

Thanks for your feedback. It's helpful. We have our first session (since he's back) next weekend so I will bring this information and see if we can use it to propel us forward.

 

[cutter74]

Hey everyone thanks for the replys and Dr. Baxter I've been seeing a Psychiatrist for about a year but when I went to see him the other day and told him the revia was not working he said he was at a totle loss and did not know what else he could do for me, As far as other meds we have tried seroquel he said it would be better to be dopped up then harming myself so I continue to take this med
anyway thanks for the replys everyone.

 

[kelsischanging]

Cutter:
I am also on seroquel b/c my doctor thought that I would do better if I was "dopped up"...I have been on it for severl months...my life has been basically a fog...day and night seem to sometimes run together...do you expirence similar feelings...also does it help you with feeling like you don't was to SI?? Just curious b/c I don't know if I can go through school in this fog that I'm in...
Kels

 

[cutter74]

Hi kels sorry it took me so long to get back to your question, and yes the serequel does leave me in a fog, and when I'm dopped up and asleep I don't feel like self harming, now I need to find something that works when I'm awake.
I was going to go back to school but I need to get this problem under control.
It's sad kels that the only answers for serious self harmers is to dope us up
anyway kels keep in touch by for now.