• Quote of the Day
    "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."
    Nelson Mandela, posted by Daniel

pocono

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Another wave of depression hit me. This time I did something I've never done....I took an overdose. I ended up in the hospital and then in a day program for a week. I just ended that program today.

I am still reeling from the realization that I tried to kill myself. I am afraid that I have damaged my relationship with my husband and with my therapist. I'm afraid that those dark feelings will return. I'm scared.
 

David Baxter

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I doubt that this has ruined your relationship with your therapist, pocono, and if your relationship with your husband was on solid ground before it's unlikely this will damage it irrevocably.

You need both of them now more than ever. I expect they know that. Have faith in them and in yourself, and if the "dark feelings" do return, make sure you tell them about it. An overdose, as I'm sure you know, is not the answer. But there are good answers out there if you allow those who care about you to help you find them.
 
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I'm sorry you have gone through so much pain. :hug:

I just want to say that I ended up in the hospital last March after a severe bout of self injury. I was worried that my therapist would be disappointed in me, but he wasn't. He was relieved that I was ok and that I got the immediate and intense help I needed. I'm sure your therapist is just glad you're ok and wants to help you get through this dark time. From what I've read of your relationship with him in the past he sounds like someone who is there for you and will be there for you now.

Take good care of yourself. Be easy on yourself.
 

Retired

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Pocono,

Are you receiving follow up therapy to deal with your suicidal thoughts? I doubt if your therapist will be adversely affected by your suicidal attempt, and will likely want to work on those feeling with you.

Your husband and your family are your greatest reasons for living, so you need to keep yourself safe until your next appointment with your therapist.

In how long is your next appointment, and can you keep yourself safe until that time?

Do you have the number of a local crisis center to call if the suicidal feelings return?

Remember you can always call 911
 
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i am so sorry to hear things got that bad for you. i am glad though that you are ok physically.

i don't think you need to worry much about your relationship with your therapist - he's been well trained and more than likely you're not the only client he's had who has taken an overdose.

the whole thing must have been an enormous shock to your husband, as it is to you. he's probably feeling a whole range of feelings. have you both talked a little about what has happened?

i know you are scared and that it is frightening to be where you are right now, having just returned home from hospital. it may take a little time for that fear to go away. maybe it would help if you put an action plan together for what to do should you hit that point of despair again that led you to taking an overdose. you could call the hospital if they've given you a number, or you could call your therapist or a trusted person. actually there's a good post on the subject here: Suicide Prevention - Psychlinks Psychology and Self-Help Forum. having a plan usually helps me to feel a little bit better, i think maybe because it gives one a bit more control over what happens.

i know the fear is real but i also know that in time it will lessen. hang in there.
 

prozacian

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I certainly hope that your relationship with your husband or your therapy isn't effected by what happened. I have known your pain. I have been to the point where my own laugh sounded foreign to me. You are doing the most important thing right now and that is hanging in there. I was able to get through my depression by realizing that at some point I had to take control of my thoughts because I was tired of being miserably. I believe that people get comfortable with misery and depression. If I was happy or joyous for too long then I got nervous. Choosing to attack my life from every angle all of a sudden excited me. I needed a complete rehaul physically, emotionally and socially. It helped me to picture it like a game and a game where I was the underdog. The thing about underdogs is that they can win and everyone loves it when they do. Retraining my mind was and is a long process but well worth it.
Best wishes.
 

pocono

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Thanks to everyone who replied.

This has been a shock. I've had one visit with my therapist since the overdose. I see him again next Wed. I'm not feeling suicidal right now, although I am still very depressed and hope those feelings won't return. I know if they do I need to tell my husband and/or therapist.

I still feel like I've somehow changed things forever though.....like I inspire less faith, people now know I'm really fragile and can even break. My husband has been tremendously supportive, and we have talked about his feelings about the overdose. He admits to being scared that it will happen again. I'm scared too.

It is all still such a mystery to me....how I went from pills in my hands to pills in my mouth. I spoke about feeling guilty at the group program. No one seems to really get it....I am ashamed.
 

braveheart

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It's bound to have shaken you up a lot. Be as gentle with yourself as you can.
 

David Baxter

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It's not a bad thing to learn that you are human with normal human limits or frailties. Sometimes, that can be a strong impetus for positive change in your life.
 

ladylore

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people now know I'm really fragile and can even break.

This is not a bad thing Pocono because as human beings we are both strong and fragile in some places at the same time.

I am so happy you are still with us :hug: even though I do know that place. And as you know the feelings do change, as you said you don't feel suicidal now.

The experience may help you put a few more safeguards into your life and help you find what you truely want out of life and possibly let go of the things are not working for you anymore.

Life truely is a journey and we all do the best that we can - that's all anyone can do.

I am glad you are here :hug:

Take gentle care of yourself

:friends:
 

poohbear

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I wonder if your attempt was maybe intended to make people see that you are "fragile...and can even break"...and not necessarily supposed to be your "final curtain call"...so to speak. I mean absolutely NO disrespect. I just mean, that when you took the pills, maybe you really intended to MAKE people see that you needed help. People always say that trying to end it is really a "cry for help"-- which it is. But, sometimes, I think people really don't want to end it, but they REALLY want people to recognize the hurt that causes these feelings, and they really want HELP.

Also, I read that you said you feel "ashamed". I am truly sorry about this. It seems that having this shame on top of what you are already feeling would make it very difficult. I do hope you can work through this with yourself. I am glad you have a husband who is trying to work with you--that should lighten the load considerably. And I am glad you have a therapist.

Good luck. I hope it gets a little better for you soon.
 

lallieth

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Thanks to everyone who replied.

This has been a shock. I've had one visit with my therapist since the overdose. I see him again next Wed. I'm not feeling suicidal right now, although I am still very depressed and hope those feelings won't return. I know if they do I need to tell my husband and/or therapist.

I still feel like I've somehow changed things forever though.....like I inspire less faith, people now know I'm really fragile and can even break. My husband has been tremendously supportive, and we have talked about his feelings about the overdose. He admits to being scared that it will happen again. I'm scared too.

It is all still such a mystery to me....how I went from pills in my hands to pills in my mouth. I spoke about feeling guilty at the group program. No one seems to really get it....I am ashamed.
I realize how hard it is to allow people to see you vunerable,but there isn't a thing wrong with with being fragile..

We are all fragile and we can all break,but now that you have let that wall collapse,perhaps some healing can begin..
 

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